Susan80

After a relapse I am currently on day 6 of being sober and my feelings are all over the place !!! Last night I felt great – I did not want a drink and felt confident about not returning to the usual weekend binge drinking. However, today I am absolutely terrified at the thought of not being able to drink alcohol again and just want to go out with friends get drunk!! I know this sounds really silly and completely contradictory but I can’t seem to stop “jumping” from one extreme to the other at the moment. Does anybody else feel like this?

Mentium

There's wisdom in some of the old sayings. Don't worry about the future right now, just don't pick up a drink today. Do that enough times and it soon mounts up.

Take care and all the very best to you!

Notmyrealname

All that's pretty common when you quit drinking, including the unstable emotional shifts. It's not nearly as awful (LOL) as it might sound right now. I mean, stuff that sucks isn't going to magically stop sucking because you're sober, but you're without a lot of the drinking-related stuff that really sucked, and that's pretty nice. It's a simpler life with much less worry and a lot more self-esteem.

Just don't get too caught up in the "OMG I can never drink again in forever and that's like, forever, man!" thinking. It's a little daunting. Like Mentium said, just worry about today. You can handle today.

Amajorityofone

Nope.

My friends don't drink. If they did, I would kick them to the curb and find some new ones. I don't "count" either. That's something people do to reinforce the "prison" of sobriety. Those of us that are free from alcoholism could care less.

Life is not hard. We make it complicated.
Do, or do not. There is no "try."

Good luck and God Bless

tootsl1

Susan, it is a very common situation, you are not remotely abnormal! You are trying to find a new path in life which is scary because it is unknown. It is also more difficult than the easy path you have previously trodden.

Weeks and months down the road, you will understand that this ' going out with friends and getting drunk' feeling, is your alcoholic voice (AV) speaking for now, all you need to do is focus on the reasons you have for stopping, write a list of reasons for not drinking, keep it close, read it often. Joined the 'class of October 2013' here to meet others going through the early days of temptation. We have all been where you are, some have found the struggle easier than others, but you will get plenty of support here. Well done on the first 7 days, and focus on not drinking today.

tootsl1

AMO, I feel you missed the point of Susan's post. In the very early days of sobriety it is very easy to want to return to the security of drinking, much easier than standing apart from all we know.
She is seeking support through the ups and downs of emotional alcoholic urges. I personally felt your tone a little hectoring and unnecessary. My opinion only, and I own it.

Susan80

@toots . . . thank you for your posts. I found your tone somewhat patronising AMO. . we all have to start somewhere. I don't really see what you were trying to achieve by such a post as it has no relation at all to what i was asking.

Anyway, thank you to those that have replied and have helped me stay on the right track. it is much appreciated. xxx

Amajorityofone

She asked a question, I answered it.

People that are serious about their sobriety do not associate with people that drink or do drugs. It is also to her detriment to count. Only people in jail, be it real or proverbial, do that.

If support is what she seeks, than let the object of that support be the unvarnished truth, not fairy tales. I tend to rub people with sand paper instead of silk. For that I do apologize.

Good Day.

wakko

It took me over 2 years of continuous sobriety to get my arms around the fact that I could never drink again. Even today my stomach does a flip flop when I think about it.

What worked for me was a two stage process

1. I believed at the very core of my soul that I could never drink like other people
2. I was willing to do whatever was required today to keep myself sober

Over 3 years down the line I still do this on a daily basis. I don't need to worry about forever I just need to worry about today. I cannot promise anyone that I will never drink again but today I have a pretty good shot at staying sober

happyhour

my take is a little different.

life is hard, we make it MORE complicated by how we decide to respond to it's hardness. for me, when i began to accept life was not going to work the way i wanted it to, and that problems, death, disease, evil, mental illness, loss of job, fractured relationships, were part of that life, i didn't need to reach for a drink each time, and moan to myself, "why is this happening?"

it allows me (i say allows me, cause i still get it wrong often ) to move into, "in light of the fact that life is hard (i just got bad news from doctor), how do i move forward?"

SnoozyQ

Hiya Susan ;-)

I agree with Toots , she gives great advice . Congrats on day 6 - almost a week .
Your feelings are absolutely normal .

Keep posting and reading and you will find out how much so.

We all have a different journey but are going through similar emotions
Good luck , you CAN do this xx

Susan80

Thanks for your support! I am so glad that it is not just me that has felt like this! xx

LadyBlue0527

Susan, it's ok, I think that you just wrote the definition of early sobriety in one fell swoop.

It's not silly and completely contradictory at all and we all understand it. That's why it's so great to be here. Because we DO understand. The road is tough and you're going to feel this way on and off but we promise, it does get better!

DoubleDragons

Susan, I am on Day 19 (I'm not a big day counter either, truthfully, I always have to look at my calendar to see the day) I think month counting will be a bigger thing for me, until I feel more solid. I hope to eventually feel like AMO in that I want to feel like I am not missing anything being a slave to a drug called alcohol. That being said, the second week/weekend (I was a weekend drinker) was much harder on me than the first. I would put days 10-14 as my most emotional-filled with cravings, tiredness, etc. I don't say this to scare you or depress you. I just know that if I know what to expect, I am not as crazy worried about my "symptoms." Almost every drinker I have ever known is truly fearful about the idea of never drinking again. A book I just read said that is how you know you are addicted. The author said he absolutely adores strawberries. They are his favorite food of all time. If someone said he could never have them again, he would be severely disappointed, but it wouldn't fill him with fear and dread. So that fear/dread we feel is really just showing us that we are addicted to a drug (alcohol). When we break free from the fear and dread by not drinking for longer and longer amounts of time, we see it for what it is, and our fear starts to dissipate.

w2r

I read this site for 2 months before I stopped drinking my 1st day.
I think I made it almost a week before drinking, the second time less, the third......
anyways, I'm almost a month now. I'm terrified of this coming weekend because of old friends who will be in town.
It is daunting to break out of an old lifestyle.
But it sure feels GOOD!!
Good luck Susan.

LadyBlue0527

Amajorityofone


There is a way to help each other here and sometimes it calls for a little tough love. There can be a fine line between telling it like it is and coming across as pompous and arrogant. The written word doesn't always end up sounding like you meant it to.

Not one person here is better than another. We're all in this together trying to help each other.

Nuudawn

So you avoid all folk who drink or drug? Your aunt Bessie has a glass of sherry after Uncle Bob passes ..and you are done, done done! You just don't need "weaklin's" like that in your life no siree.


"the unvarnished truth not fairy tales"? So "relating with people" is a Disney concept?

If you do not believe in "resonance" or "hearing" people's feelings to let them know they are not alone in their thoughts or have input as to why they might feel that way then.........

You are here to show us how its done?

serious

personally i think it's ridiculous to lose friends over drinking (if they are your true friends). i cut connections with negative people, who were just "drinking buddies" ... to me there is a huge difference.
i will not cut out dear friends, whom i've known for 15 - 20 years, just because they enjoy a beer and i can't.

true friends respect my decision not to drink. they hardly question it anymore.
yet, i'm sure we've had dialogs like this in the past, while getting together...
- hey, so how about a toast with beer, eh?
- no, thanks... i don't want to today
- oh, one's not gonna hurt ya...
- yeah, but it won't help either.. anyway, you were saying?... (and thus we move on).

peer pressure can be tough and not just in high school. if you are afraid you cannot handle it, then give yourself a little time to stay sober until you are more confident.

by the same rationale you should also kick work, sunshine, car trouble, death and life in general to the curb. because all of those things good or bad can be triggers for many of us. might as well lock yourself in a closet or AA meeting and call that your "life".

i beg to differ. you should face life head on... with all its up and downs. the decision to drink or not to drink is yours and only yours, not your friends, not your flat tire's and not a job presentation's.

p.s. Susan, what you are going through is completely normal. No worries, urges will always be there, you cannot hide from them. How you handle the situation is what's important.

Correy

Yeah, this is the most daunting aspect of an early recovery. Myself, recovering after a recent relapse (day #18 today), am often puzzled over such momentous shifts the addicted brain creates.

Than, it downed of me -- I now "allow," for the lack of better word, myself to immerse in such a crazy urge (of having a drink) and simply observe the jumping thoughts as they race all over the place. I see such thoughts as puppies, and am having fun with them, no matter how challenging sometimes it may be.

So, Susan80, whatever works for you, I wish you all the luck. You're here for you wanted to get sober, like it seem you once did, so that's what you really want. (and need)

All the best!

At the end, those are only the thoughts, urges, feelings, distorted needs, fears, reactions et.al., but I still have a choice of not having that first drink.

And it is getting easier and easier... not like some biblical struggle, nope, I just have smarter, better, more enjoyable things to do and I go about them.