Confused33

My husband Is a struggling addict, we have been together for 15 years and he has been and an addict the whole time, he has bee to jails and rehabs never stayed clean unless he was forced to during jail or rehab. I have never used a drug so I know sometimes I can't judge. My husband did a 28 day rehab back in July and since he graduated he has done great however, he has slipped every 2 weeks and know he has been using for the past 3 dAys (suboxone,pain pills) I just woke up and he has taken off in the middle Old the night. I texted his sponser earlier and made him confess but I'm going to say that didn't help. I'm lost and confused and have no ideal on what I should do to help him or if I can...

Confused33

Is it normal for someone to continue to slip until they just stop?

Confused33

Thank You. Congratulations on you recovery. I believe that you will sucessed.

YoungAndClean

Confused33 welcome to SR. From what you've said about your Husband, to me it sounds like he is on the fence about getting a life free of drugs. And it's true, if you stay on the fence to long your crotch starts to hurt. I should know, I was on the fence for the last 5 years. I knew I was an alcoholic/addict, and even went to AA stood up and admitted it. But I just wasn't ready, I told myself I was too young (24 y/o), or life was boring sober, or I'd never get laid again. And it got worse and worse and low and behold 5 years later I'm still trying to get this recovery lifestyle. My point is I had to progress through this disease to the point where I was willing to do whatever it took to stay sober. That meant living the 12 steps of AA, taking direction from a sponsor, and putting recovery first in my life. It's been hard, but I'm coming up on 3 months and it's worked thus far. I had to reach a point where 'to slip' would equal jail, death, homelessness, depression, financial chaos, drama, guilt, shame, lonliness, loosing my connection with God, loosing my confidence and self-esteem, loosing my good looks. You'd be surprised how quickly an opiate habit could take all of that away in just a short amount of time. And today I didn't want that, and hopefully tommorow I won't either. Welcome to SR.

Confused33

Thank you and congrats on your recovery..my husband works the steps which he is working on the 4th step now and has been asked to chair meetings he does so well for two weeks and blows it away for 2-3 days. Now he has gotten worse the time by sneaking out and not working the program this time.

least

You need some help for yourself. You need support as the life you're living isn't normal or peaceful. Do you have any support in real life? We have a special forum here for friends and family of addicts. Take a look and post your questions there for more insight. Welcome to SR!


Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hawkeye13

Maybe you need to step away from the situation so he has to take responsibility for his actions and realize what he may lose if he doesn't. As long as you are there to "catch" him when he falls, he may well keep doing it. You have a right to a life of peace and it is unfair to you to keep abusing your trust in this way. He is lucky to have a loving spouse like you but there must be limits--for both your sakes.

Confused33

Is it normal for someone to continue to slip during recovery? My husband does so well and the messes up, I wasn't for sure if most people in recovery experience the same problem

Marktg34

It's very easy to slip. If we are depressed lonely or bored it comes very easily. But if you want to spend your life in a bar or chasing some high it becomes very destructive.

Marktg34

I know myself if I become stressed angry or anything else that is unstable it used to be food with me a emotional eater. If you are sensitive it's very easy to slip into bad ways.

Confused33

My husband does the meetings but I think we everything is good he might feel his not good enough so he gives in. He doesn't work, I wanted him to focus on his recovery and once he is comfortable in the problem get a job. He just can't seem to get yo that point he is upset that I contacted his sponser but I told him I can't keep covering for you honesty is what you need but it's like he's not focused

Marktg34

But it is difficult. If you don't have regular routines or something to keep you grounded boredom sets in.

Confused33

He is "supposedly at a meeting now" I have tried to be supportive and that hasn't worked I tried setting boundaries but I don't stick with them. I just wish I knew what I can do to better his recovery.
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I have placed a tracker on our phone to track him I have called doctors and read is advised them that my husband is a addict but it seems it just makes things worse

Marktg34

He won't be focused. It's like I have done courses and they always ask what is your passion? Well I don't know I am too busy cutting my arms it is very difficult when your mind is separated from your body.

Marktg34

It's very difficult when people ask why are you depressed you don't know why and they don't understand why you are low and down.You just are your mind is ill and disconnected from your body and reality nothing matters.

Confused33

Thank You so much for offering advice on my situation, I hope everything works out for you keep strong

dhg66

set personally boundaries of what behavior is exceptable to you in the relationship and what is not, explain the consequences of unacceptable behavior and then seek support in taking care of yourself. By doing this you are letting him make decision and ! go to al-anon


take care of yourself first

Confused33

Thank you for t h e response. It's just hard to stick to what I say me and my husband have three kids it's nit easy to say do it one more time then we're leaving because there's no where to go.

Anna

I know you want to help, but it honestly sounds to me like you are too involved. You are not allowing your husband to take the lead in his recovery. When and if he does that, he will succeed. Do you really want to track your husband? Instead of doing that, why don't you do something for yourself that you would enjoy?

Confused33

I have tried but it's seems that if I try to my husband gets updated because he wants to spend time with me but when he's chasing his high he could care less. I agree I shouldn't have to track my husband or consistently check on him I spend more time at work worried about him. I can probably say that my mishandled and is not at a meeting but chasing that high..and there is nothing I can do to stop it but it makes me so mad that he messes up his recovery and he thinks when he comes done that apologize and working the program again f iced everything but it doesn't . I just don't want my husband to become that full on addict again