Charliee

I have been sober almost 8 months and I am really starting to miss my old friends. The ones I had before I started drinking. I drank hard and steady for the last four years.. losing my job, my self respect and almost losing my license and family. Luckily I got my head on straight and went to rehab and unfortunately jail too. I have confessed to some of my friends what I had gone through and proceeded to ask for some understanding and forgiveness. They told me they understood, said they would support me and always be there for me. Now I never seem to hear from them. I keep being told that I am better off without them and they aren't the friends I thought they were, but I still miss them and feel very disappointed.....

Charliee

Thanks Tom, It has actually gone by faster than I ever thought it would. But I think about the drink at least every few hours. Hope that goes away soon too.

ExWinoMom

Hi Charlie
Have you contacted them or are you waiting for them to contact you? Maybe you need to make first contact and show them how well you are?

Mentium

Do you go to any support meetings - AA or similar? I have found some new, real and genuine friends at the AA meetings I go to. We see each other socially now outside of meetings.

Odd, but the people I used to talk drunk bollocks with in the pub don't seem to have missed me at all. Weird huh? ...(I mean not really!)

Amajorityofone

I lost all of my old friends, too. It's natural. The important thing to remember is to remain on the path you're on. In the fullness of time, new friends will come along.

"Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself."
-Confucius

GracieLou

I drank away all my friends, even the drinkers.

I think back to when I used to go to bars and see my "friends". I want to say that none of them cared about me or even missed me when I was gone but you know I did not care about them either. When I did not see them for a couple days or heard they were in the hospital or some other thing in their lives I never went running to help or reached out. I bought a shot and drank it to their health or in may cases, their death.

You know sometimes we have to leave the past behind and move on. I am not going to tell you that these people were not your friends, they may very well have been and maybe still are.

The saying friends for a season, a reason and a lifetime comes to mind.

I have had many people come and go in my life. Many were for a reason, my reasons. I let them in because in some way, shape or form I needed them for something. There were the seasons too. When I was a new mother I need to be around others with babies. When I got married I wanted to be around couples as that was my life now. When I drank I needed to be around drinkers.

Now that I am sober, the friends for a lifetime are what I am beginning to find. These people are what I needed all along but I was to selfish to be able to grasp them. I no longer look for what I can get but how I can help. How can I be the friend they need, not the friend I want.

Maybe look into volunteering for some cause. Animals, kids, elderly..whatever floats your boat. I am sure if you reach out to help you will find new friends and maybe if you are lucky, you can find those friends for a lifetime.

tootsl1

Charlee, I agree with EWM, contact them. You have been out of their lives for a long time and the gap you left has begun to fill with day to day life. Reach out for a coffee, catch up. It can be difficult when your friends are young, they may worry about doing or saying the wrong thing- can't exactly invite you out for a drink or to a party can they? Alcoholism, like cancer, can be a difficult situation to deal with for those not going through it. Show them you are still the same person you once were, just with a wiser head.

Well done on the 8 months!

Charliee

Thanks for all the great advice everyone, I really appreciate it. A friend, that I hold most dear, and I went to lunch with a few weeks ago and I confessed all of my sins, regretting it soon after fearing I would lose her friendship forever. Today I texted her just asking How's it going? which was followed up by her with "good, I was just thinking of about you and was wondering if you would like to go to lunch". Totally made my day! Things has just been getting better everyday. My husband, which I was sure I had lost, still loves me and is supporting me, my memory is getting better finally and I laugh more than I have in a very, very long time.