concernedmm

About a month ago, I found out that my 20 year old son had taken the Molly form of ecstasy, in addition to regularly using marijuana for several months (following on and off use since he was about 16 and for which he was in outpatient treatment at the end of his senior year in high school until he left for college). I suppose I was hoping that he would grow out of smoking and drinking. He had a college classmate that died from using Molly over the summer, and when we found out my son was using it, we asked him to go into outpatient treatment again. He was outwardly very positive about it and seemed excited to see what his life could be if he was not using drugs. (He had dropped out of college and had been getting into minor trouble at work because of showing up late a few times.)

So he went to the outpatient treatment and a few weeks into it, he turned 21. He called me today and said that his outpatient treatment would not allow him to return unless he went into inpatient treatment. He admitted to using marijuana and alcohol on his 21st birthday and then at least once after that. He said that the first time he had marijuana left over from before he started treatment (which indicates to me that he never planned to quit for good). And he said the second time was with friends who came home from college for the weekend to party with him. I don't think he has any friends that don't smoke and drink, and he seems to think that just about everyone his age does (it sort of seems like that to me too honestly).

I talked to the counselor at his program and they are recommending that he go into inpatient treatment. They will not let him back into their outpatient program because he was not honest with them. I agree that it would be good for him to just be completely out of his normal routine and to take time to work out a long term plan for success.

What we are struggling with is 1) My son said that he will not go into outpatient treatment but that he would do anything else we asked him to do (that is also what he said when we sent him to inpatient treatment). I don't know if we could change his mind or not. 2) He does not believe in God, so he said it has been really difficult to follow along with the 12 step program. 3) He said that he does not relate to the other people in the program, because he thinks they have much bigger personal problems caused by addiction than he does.

He has not taken Molly since being in outpatient, and I don't think he used it very often before that. I am very concerned about the marijuana use and drinking as I really think he is addicted and it is keeping him from maturing and living to even half his potential. I also think that if left unchecked, it could lead to other drugs again.

If I could convince him to go into inpatient, would it do any good if he doesn't relate or thinks he needs it? If inpatient is the right thing, but he refuses, what are other options? I don't want to give up altogether or just tell him to figure it out on his own, because I think if I did, he would completely give up and get back in deeper than he is right now. It seems like he knows he needs help, but that he thinks he can do it on his own with our encouragement, even if he wasn't able to last time.

Until May, my son was living with me and my husband and working at a gym for kids that his dad owns. My husband and I have been working outside the country since June, and my son has been living on his own, partially supported by both me and his dad in order to afford to live on his own. His dad basically stopped financially supporting him, except to cover some of the cost of the treatment. I am feeling guilty for being gone, and am not sure what to do financially since he can't afford to pay his rent without our help which we agreed to give when he moved out (and he's in the middle of a lease).

I am feeling so lost. I tried looking for a program that specifically focuses on marijuana use, but could not find one. As he does not seem to relate to the standard group outpatient treatment or the 12 step process, would it make sense to send him to one on one counseling (plus drug testing) instead of group counseling? Or are these just excuses because he doesn't think he has a problem and nothing is going to help until he does hit rock bottom himself.

Looking for any sound advice or treatment recommendations, especially if there are in-person programs in the Seattle area that focus on marijuana use exclusively and that cater to a young adult.

FallingSlowly1

You can't change a person that doesnt want to change themself. I learned the hard way, being a former alcoholic/drug addict and falling for one afterwards.

allforcnm

Trying to understand # 1: He is in outpatient now and is being asked to leave and join inpatient treatment instead per his advisor? He doesn’t want to go into Inpatient, but is saying he will do different outpatient, or private counseling?

Cant advise which type of treatment is best for your son, but can share from my families experience. My husband went to an inpatient rehab that was not based on 12 step approach, but used the newer “evidence based” medical science approach. We are religious so that had nothing to do with the decision. Basically it was private therapy to help him learn the underlying causes of his addiction, learn new ways to cope with life, deal with stress, and approaches like cognitive behavior therapy to help prevent relapse. Personally I think the best approach to treatment is the one your son is most excited about. There are options.

We (husband and I) were taught there are stages to addiction; it is always best to get treatment as soon as possible because addiction is a progressive chronic disease. Part of the responsibility of the program is to engage the patient. My husband threatened to leave treatment several times, but they knew how to deal with his drug afflicted mind, and he ended up seeing it through. After my husband came home from rehab, he continued to work with a therapist who specializes. Still does actually; 18 months later.

I would take a look at treatment that is centered on this type of approach. In Seattle area, I would begin by looking at the SAMA Foundation (Science and Management of Addictions) that offers assistance to youth ages 13-25. They offer assessment, outpatient treatment, referrals, drug testing, and also family support using the CRAFT approach (community reinforcement and family training). This was something I also learned about through the therapist I worked with while my husband was in rehab; helped a great deal with communication, supporting recovery, taking care of my own emotions. SAMA says they will not turn anyone away due to financial concerns, accept insurance, and offer a sliding scale plan.

KeepinItReal

Maybe seeing the other people with massive personal problems due to drug use is scaring him. Sometimes we feel that we do not have a problem. He's judging others that in some way they didn't start off right where he is. No one just picks up a crack pipe.... they smoke weed and drink first.
Maybe he will do better working with a therapist or drug counselor on a one to one basis and not in a group.
Maybe the out patient program knows there are more drugs in his system he may need more serious help for. I can tell you that any type of addict is a liar. We would protect our addiction and "face" at all cost. The outpatient program might not be able to disclose what drugs your son is REALLY doing. Again, i'm not trying to scare you.. but he thinks HIS problems aren't as serious as others... and he cannot support himself. He dropped out out of college and cannot support himself. Where is he going???
Best wishes. Good luck. In no way do I mean to sound harsh or rude... I just have been through all the stages. Myself, and with my husband.