Relationships, how to handle them while your loved one is recovering?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 40
Relationships, how to handle them while your loved one is recovering?
Well, hello everyone i'm new to this site. I have a lot of questions so i'm sure this wont be my only post but i want to ask you guys some questions.
My boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict. This is kind of a long story, i'll make it as short as i can. I'll start from the beginning. I meet my boyfriend about two years ago. We worked together, we became friends and i always thought he was cute but i had a boyfriend at the time so we just got to know each other for the next year or so gradually. I had left my boyfriend because i liked him too much and we blossomed so quickly. My boyfriend had never lied to me about his addiction though. The first week he told me that he was on suboxone. I had no clue what that was but he explained it to me and said that he understood if i couldn't deal with it. I however had already started to form feelings for him and didn't want to let that go. Not knowing how hard dealing with a problem like that really was.
About half a year down the road he finally got off the suboxone but his paws was horrible and he didn't take his sobriety really serious so he ended up relapsing but with heroin. At first it was like once a week so he didn't have to face paws. Shortly after he started getting sick again though. It went on for a while, but our relationship was fine surprisingly because he was never really excessive about it. Then it started getting out of control. He realized i was drawing away from him and he got scared, he said that he could never lose me and he had to grow up and get off of it. So he decided to go to rehab.
When he left i was so happy for him but devastated at the same time because we were so close and basically always together we also lived together. He was gone for a few weeks in a different state so i only talked to him once a day for ten minutes on the phone. It felt like he was gone forever, then he finally comes home one day but tells me he's moving back to his parents house. It hurt me a lot, but i understood why, he needs to focus on himself and his needs for quite some time before really focusing on me and our relationship again.
It's been about two months since he left and came back.. To be honest. My life is kind of sad now. I have to be so strong for him, and really be there for him. Without expressing a lot of what i need from him. I have a lot of pent up anger and resentment towards him because of how self centered he is being. I also completely understand that it's necessary to be that way in early recovery. His paws is quite bad and he is totally emotionally numb so he isn't very romantic with me anymore. Actually he's totally opposite of what he used to be with me. I only see him twice a week now and at rare points i see the sweet old him shine through. Just yesterday i was at work (it was my bf's first day back at work) and he told one of his friends what was going on with him and that guy came up to me and told me he had a massive amount of respect for me after finding that out. He said most people would just run from a situation like this. Honestly that made me feel better and when i told my boyfriend he was really surprised. I don't think he's noticed the pain i go through to be there for him and yesterday was the first time he acknowledged that. Anyways i'm kind of getting off the point.
I'm trying to make my life as fulfilled as possible while my boyfriend is recovering doing his own thing. My boyfriend makes me extremely happy, more than anybody has ever been able to do. Yet, he can also make me very very sad. So i'm trying to do my own thing right now. I have a supportive father that has been in AA for 20 years now so that's about as much support as i get though. I want to find something that can make me happy or let me release all of the anger and resentment i hold in right now. I've been trying to find people to tell me their stories of a loved one that went through recovery and how they handled the situation. Cuz i feel lost sometimes and i don't like that. I want to be a healthier person as well when all of this is said and done. If anybody has a story or some advice for my situation it would be greatly appreciated. Honestly i don't want to hear negative feedback though, people say that i shouldn't push a relationship and i should stop making him think of me and it's all my fault blah blah blah. Cuz i know it's not the case and i would love to not feel judged here. but anyways thanks for whoever replies.
My boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict. This is kind of a long story, i'll make it as short as i can. I'll start from the beginning. I meet my boyfriend about two years ago. We worked together, we became friends and i always thought he was cute but i had a boyfriend at the time so we just got to know each other for the next year or so gradually. I had left my boyfriend because i liked him too much and we blossomed so quickly. My boyfriend had never lied to me about his addiction though. The first week he told me that he was on suboxone. I had no clue what that was but he explained it to me and said that he understood if i couldn't deal with it. I however had already started to form feelings for him and didn't want to let that go. Not knowing how hard dealing with a problem like that really was.
About half a year down the road he finally got off the suboxone but his paws was horrible and he didn't take his sobriety really serious so he ended up relapsing but with heroin. At first it was like once a week so he didn't have to face paws. Shortly after he started getting sick again though. It went on for a while, but our relationship was fine surprisingly because he was never really excessive about it. Then it started getting out of control. He realized i was drawing away from him and he got scared, he said that he could never lose me and he had to grow up and get off of it. So he decided to go to rehab.
When he left i was so happy for him but devastated at the same time because we were so close and basically always together we also lived together. He was gone for a few weeks in a different state so i only talked to him once a day for ten minutes on the phone. It felt like he was gone forever, then he finally comes home one day but tells me he's moving back to his parents house. It hurt me a lot, but i understood why, he needs to focus on himself and his needs for quite some time before really focusing on me and our relationship again.
It's been about two months since he left and came back.. To be honest. My life is kind of sad now. I have to be so strong for him, and really be there for him. Without expressing a lot of what i need from him. I have a lot of pent up anger and resentment towards him because of how self centered he is being. I also completely understand that it's necessary to be that way in early recovery. His paws is quite bad and he is totally emotionally numb so he isn't very romantic with me anymore. Actually he's totally opposite of what he used to be with me. I only see him twice a week now and at rare points i see the sweet old him shine through. Just yesterday i was at work (it was my bf's first day back at work) and he told one of his friends what was going on with him and that guy came up to me and told me he had a massive amount of respect for me after finding that out. He said most people would just run from a situation like this. Honestly that made me feel better and when i told my boyfriend he was really surprised. I don't think he's noticed the pain i go through to be there for him and yesterday was the first time he acknowledged that. Anyways i'm kind of getting off the point.
I'm trying to make my life as fulfilled as possible while my boyfriend is recovering doing his own thing. My boyfriend makes me extremely happy, more than anybody has ever been able to do. Yet, he can also make me very very sad. So i'm trying to do my own thing right now. I have a supportive father that has been in AA for 20 years now so that's about as much support as i get though. I want to find something that can make me happy or let me release all of the anger and resentment i hold in right now. I've been trying to find people to tell me their stories of a loved one that went through recovery and how they handled the situation. Cuz i feel lost sometimes and i don't like that. I want to be a healthier person as well when all of this is said and done. If anybody has a story or some advice for my situation it would be greatly appreciated. Honestly i don't want to hear negative feedback though, people say that i shouldn't push a relationship and i should stop making him think of me and it's all my fault blah blah blah. Cuz i know it's not the case and i would love to not feel judged here. but anyways thanks for whoever replies.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
Welcome to SR Amber.
I have not experience with heroin, I think it is a battle to get clean from that.
SR also has a friends and family section you could look into.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I have not experience with heroin, I think it is a battle to get clean from that.
SR also has a friends and family section you could look into.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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