new beginnings

For the past week or so my AH has been on his best behavior. Trying really hard, telling me how much he wants this marriage, even has been working in the yard! Well last night out of the blue, he was angry and went to bed really early. This happened after he had run "errands". Then tonight same thing. So much anger! I haven't wen been around him to do anything to cause the anger. My you get two are spending the night out tonight and my oldest is home doing her college apps. So I came upstairs locked my daughter and I in her room and her sisters. I told her if he became violent to take my car and leave and call 911. You know it is probably a blessing that he has acted this way. I stupidly thought maybe he is one if the few that does change. Obviously NOT! And I know the alcohol doesn't have anything to do with the abuse. An the lady at the DV said that also. Today I asked to borrow his car because mine was blocked in. He told me some lane excuse why I couldn't. And then left and when he came back said that I could drive it. Obviously his alcohol was in the car. Or something else he didn't want me to see. I asked (I know stupid again) this morning if he had been drinking last night. Of course he said no and then spouted off the number of days he has been sober. I just don't understand this at all. I don't get why he drinks or acts this way. I know he does. I just don't understand why he does.

Carlotta

Do you have enough money to get a cheap motel room or a friend where you and your daughters could stay for at least the night?
Please be safe and let s us know how you are doing.

Carlotta

Ps: him being on his best behavior is what is called " the honeymoon phase" generally after an abusive explosion. This is how they rile us back in and keep us hooked in the DV cycle. I am re reading some of your old posts and it looks like you are truly in danger and also have little ones. Try to arrange to go to a shelter asap and if he gets violent, call the cops. You and your little ones should not have to be locked up in a bedroom..it s not fair to you and it is absolutely not acceptable for children to live that way. Whatever you chose to do, you are an adult but you also have a responsibility to your kids.

new beginnings

I am afraid to leave the house. I'm in my pjs and in order to get my clothes and purse and car keys, I would have to go I where he is. He came up here once and did his normal mumblings in the hall. He didn't try and unlock the doors. I think if he stays downstairs he will not bother us. I am trying to get my daughter to leave. I think she could go get the keys and get out without him knowing or getting angry. I know I messed up! I have both the spare set and the regular set downstairs by my purse. And stupidly put on pjs. I just didn't expect this. He hasn't acted like this- turning on a dime since he went to inpatient rehab in July. So last night was a surprise and tonight was more apparent. He has been angry and abusive but it wasn't this quick in change in disposition. It truly scares me. I do know however, not to engage with him when he is like this. Before I probably would have tried to talk to him.

FeelingGreat

Hi NB, you must be feeling crushed after his relapse. I'm concerned about the effect on the children, when you have to lock them in their room for safety. I hope you can sort something out soon, as a more permanent solution. Now he's drinking again, it's likely to go downhill fast.
All the best, stay safe.

Carlotta

I can completely relate to your anxiety and fear, I ve been there many times. If you have to leave in your pjs so be it and please call 911 if he gets violent.
Praying for you

suki44883

Please be safe! Can you crawl out a window and have your daughter go through the house and get your purse and keys and maybe meet you outside? I know you don't want to go out in your PJs, but if that's what you have to do to stay safe, then it's not a big deal at all.

Thinking of you and praying you are okay. ((((HUGS))))

new beginnings

I don't know if he has been drinking. I never knew he drank before. He tested positive in a job ran done drug alcohol test and had to go to rehab and then while in rehab tested positive on their test. He has the system down and knows when he can drink without testing positive. He didn't see himself as an A. I think he may be drinking because the shift in his demeanor the past two nights compared to the daytime. And that was something he did when he was definitely drinking heavily. But the abuse doesn't have anything to do with the drinking, that is what the DV person told me.
I have an 18 year old and two 13 year olds. They are all three bigger than I am. The two you get ones are gone tonight. But yes after tonight, I realize I have no more time. I have to get out regardless of any obstacles. I used to be scared like this all of the time, when he was abusive consistently. I had forgotten how it felt to be this afraid. I have never known anyone to be in this situation and so I keep thinking surely this isn't really happening. But it is. And it is happening to me and my children. And I know I have to be brave and get us out.

new beginnings

That IS a good idea. I just don't want to endanger my daughter and go out the house first. But I could get her I text me once she has the car in front if the house. Our house is such that the upstairs is where the front door is. So I can walk out the front door. Let me see if she is comfortable with that. I've been texting her but she isn't responding. She is working in her room and may not have any idea anything is going on.

suki44883

Hon, don't worry about whether or not he is drinking or about long term right now. At this point, do whatever you have to do to be safe tonight. If you and your daughter can get out of the house, you can call the DV number and they can help you.

suki44883

Instead of texting her, maybe you can call her phone. Would she answer? That may be faster than waiting on her to notice she has a text.

Carlotta

Or maybe she has an idea and has put up a complete wall of isolation closing herself to the rest of the house and pretending nothing is amiss. I should know, I grew up in an alcoholic household.
Try to get hold of her and proceed with the plan. Please be safe and let us know you are ok.
Rooting for you.

Carlotta

1-800-650-6522.
I just put it on this thread so you can access it quickly from your cell without going through the hassle of googling.
This is the Alabama 24 hours dv hotline.
and that one 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

new beginnings

Carlotta, thank you!!!! And I went to her room. She is a typical teenager and doesn't want her life upset in any way. She said she would leave if I wanted to. My kids have no respect for me. They blame me and think I am stupid. They blame me for having them with my XH who has been horrible to them and they blame me for putting them in this situation with my AH. All they want is to act as though nothing is wrong, live in this house and continue to do all of their activities. I'm sure he is downstairs and won't come up here. He is historically content as long as he doesn't have to deal with me. If I leave him alone and he has privacy to make phone calls or do what he wants, he shouldn't come up here again. But my daughter knows the plan to leave. And to call 911. The police station is 5 minutes away. He is angry but he wasn't in a rage. If I had engaged he would have become enraged. But I hunk me leaving him alone, will be enough to calm him down and he may pass out which is usually the case.
I still have the flu and again stupidly so took my nighttime medicine before I realized he was angry. So I'm going to lay down and try to sleep. I have my phone and my daughter is in the next room over with hers. I haven't heard him walk around or anything in a while. He may already be asleep (passed out).

suki44883

Sweetie...we're still here, hoping you are safe.

Oh I see you posted while I was posting. Glad you feel a bit safer now. I hope it all works out for you, but please, keep that DV number in your phone so you can call them easily.

I hope you have a good night's sleep. ((((HUGS))))

Carlotta

I am checking out for the night but you are in my prayers. Be safe and let us know you are ok.

Recovering2

Make a copy of your car keys, put them in a key holder and hide them outside somewhere. Make a habit of keeping your purse in an easy to reach location. Don't worry about what you're wearing. Get out when you can. Your daughter may not like it, but you're the Mom. It's your job to get her out of harms way, she doesn't have to approve.

Stay safe tonight, we're praying for you.

Renarde

I'll be thinking of you tonight.

new beginnings

I will do that with the keys outside. I am do that tomorrow or Monday when he isn't here. I just checked and yes he has passed out. So we are safe and good tonight!
Thank you for the prayers and good advice. My daughter has the two dogs sleeping in her room with her. If he comes upstairs they will bark and let us know.

RhodeIsland

your children don't hold it against you as a rational thought. your children are just trying to psychologically protect themselves from a traumatizing situation. It's a coping mechanism.

As adults, they will appreciate steps you took to leave.

Please be safe.