Katchie

For starters, I haven't been here in a while. Didn't need to because hubby was making an awesome effort and seemed to be succeeding in changing. Now, I'm unsure. I don't ever see alcohol or smell alcohol but I'm seeing signs that he must be drinking again like his speech will sound off, almost with a slight slur but still intelligent conversation. Another thing I'm noticing is that he seems to say the same sentences in a loop; not one right after another but in the course of conversation and I find myself asking him if he realizes he's already said that. He always says he knows he did. Also, he sleeps in; what I mean is sleeping til 8 or 9 am when he should have been up but then will come home later to take a long nap.
I'm not sure how to bring it up, to ask if he's drinking again. Should I ask? I found myself searching his car today while he napped but didn't find any bottles. Of course he could be drinking at work.
Anyway, my title... Some if these symptoms mentioned above, could that be signs of alcohol dementia and has anyone experienced that with their loved one?

NWGRITS

Hi, Katchie. My AM has displayed a lot of similar behaviors as part of her dementia. My grandmother would swear on her life that AM wasn't drinking (couldn't smell it, no bottles or other telltale signs), but her speech pattern would mimic her drunkspeak. Her memory has been sh*t for at least ten years now. We would have conversations at night and the next day she would call, and it would be like the previous night had never happened. She would get angry if I mentioned it. It's gotten worse, from what little gets to me inadvertently through the grapevine (I'm No Contact with her). He could very well be suffering some sort of alcoholic dementia. Whether he's drinking or not, I'd stop searching for bottles. The truth will show itself in time. It's hard to watch someone kill themselves like that, though. That's why I stopped tuning in.

Tuffgirl

Welcome back Katchie.

Why not simply ask? You'll get more information from that one conversation than you will be sneaking around trying to "catch" him in the act.

If he reacts defensively, you know your answer.

Ruby2

New here but been through the wringer. All I can say is ask but don't expect a straight answer. Trust your gut. If you think he is drinking then he probably is or will soon if he is showing signs of past patterns.

honeypig

I guess my experience has been that asking doesn't always get you anywhere. I asked my A a number of times over the years and always received a convincing denial--not over-the-top defensive, which would have definitely triggered suspicions, but just a calm, rational reply, with maybe just the slightest hint of "gosh, I'm kind of hurt you'd ask that, but I understand why you doubt me." I mean, it was really good. I felt guilty for doubting him every single time.

People here are always saying watch the A's actions rather than listen to his words, and I'd have to agree here. If he's drinking again, it will likely become clear at some point.

Seren

I think time will tell, in the end. If he is drinking, it will likely escalate and something will make it obvious.

If you think he has actually damaged his long-term health, you could encourage him to see his doctor.

NYCDoglvr

After years of Alanon, I recommend saying nothing and getting to meetings so you're not as affected by hubby. I learned an invaluable lesson: I'm powerless over people, places and things, the only thing I can change is myself. It led to me ending a very toxic relationship and being much more careful about the people I allow in my life.

Katchie

I thank you all for sharinnyour wisdom from experience. I do have an update: hubby couldn't find his phone so he had me call it to find it. After the first try, we went outside and I dialed again. Only this time, someone answered, Scotty's Wine & Spirits! At first he acted like he couldn't understand why they had his phone. I asked if he that was the first time he he had been to Scotty's and he said yes, he just got beer for the game but not to worry, he isn't drinking again and he's fine. Bull; that's all I have to say!

Tuffgirl

And now you know! We women have inherently good intuition. We know when someone is feeding us a line. Trick is being able to listen to it, and hear it without writing if off as something else.

And yes, I agree that actions speak louder than words. But here - action happened! Sometimes words create an action that gives us all the information we need.

BoxinRotz

OMG... I'd be like WTF?! I found your phone at the f'ing LIQUOR STORE ya Asshat!

WoW.