101st thread , where I'm at
Breaking Thru
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
101st thread , where I'm at
I don't make any more promises , seek attention , or try to be popular. It became that. Thread after thread to get attention , keep up my image. I think I did that. Then again and again. Response became more important than staying clean. Caught up in the glimmer . Some kind of weird AV plot , meant more to destroy than to recover . Defeated , no. More aware , yes. Further ahead , yes. Closer to my goal , yes. I'm more like a child still learning .
I'm still doing my latest program , a mix of things. Making any sense , doesn't matter. Too me it does
Today's a week , thank you lord
Tr
I'm still doing my latest program , a mix of things. Making any sense , doesn't matter. Too me it does
Today's a week , thank you lord
Tr
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by trikyriky 
I don't make any more promises , seek attention , or try to be popular. It became that. Thread after thread to get attention , keep up my image. I think I did that. Then again and again. Response became more important than staying clean. Caught up in the glimmer . Some kind of weird AV plot , meant more to destroy than to recover . Defeated , no. More aware , yes. Further ahead , yes. Closer to my goal , yes. I'm more like a child still learning .
I'm still doing my latest program , a mix of things. Making any sense , doesn't matter. Too me it does
Today's a week , thank you lord
Tr
I'm still doing my latest program , a mix of things. Making any sense , doesn't matter. Too me it does
Today's a week , thank you lord
Tr
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by trikyriky
I don't make any more promises , seek attention , or try to be popular. It became that. Thread after thread to get attention , keep up my image. I think I did that. Then again and again. Response became more important than staying clean. Caught up in the glimmer . Some kind of weird AV plot , meant more to destroy than to recover .
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 145
I've actually noticed it seems like some people are lonely, or need attention or something and post new threads freaking out on here. I get it, people aren't in their right mind but totally agree with your view on it. Not sure the psychology on it but something I too have noticed.
Congrats on staying sober.
Congrats on staying sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
I know what you mean. I first got into forums about ten years ago. I thought, at the time, post count meant status. Being a moderator meant you were important. The list goes on. At the time I posted to compete. My posts were a combination of attention seeking, wanting people to read my post and think highly of me, and increasing my post count. It was all about what other people thought of me, in both aspects. I've always judged myself based on my perception of other peoples perceptions of me.
I'd like to say no more, I'm not that person, but the truth is I am. I get on here, and although most of the time my posts are meant to be helpful, usually providing my own experience (see above xD) and a solution that I found for myself, but there are times where I jump on, I may post and I may simply read, but I look at the post count of others. I look at how many likes people got. I look at my own posts in the past to see how many likes they got and if anyone quoted me and agreed, or commented on what I said in a positive light. I still compare myself to others, and I still care what other people think about me. Not so much judge myself on my perception of others perceptions, but it's still there.
My point is you're not alone there. It's a human flaw, not a Riky flaw. I'm sure you and I aren't alone here either. My uniqueness complex disappeared sometime ago, and it was only there because I believed it was there. The important thing isn't to look at what you've been doing wrong, or what you can do wrong, or beat yourself up for missing the point, or opportunities etc. The important thing is to try to do what is right when the time comes. And if you don't then the beauty is it becomes something in the past and is no longer important, for there is another opportunity to do right in the present.
Congratulations for doing something right seven days in a row. For people like you and me, it's easy to do once, it's hard to do twice, and it's insurmountable to do seven times in a row. Good thing you only had to do it once, seven times. Looks like eight now. Let's see nine
I'd like to say no more, I'm not that person, but the truth is I am. I get on here, and although most of the time my posts are meant to be helpful, usually providing my own experience (see above xD) and a solution that I found for myself, but there are times where I jump on, I may post and I may simply read, but I look at the post count of others. I look at how many likes people got. I look at my own posts in the past to see how many likes they got and if anyone quoted me and agreed, or commented on what I said in a positive light. I still compare myself to others, and I still care what other people think about me. Not so much judge myself on my perception of others perceptions, but it's still there.
My point is you're not alone there. It's a human flaw, not a Riky flaw. I'm sure you and I aren't alone here either. My uniqueness complex disappeared sometime ago, and it was only there because I believed it was there. The important thing isn't to look at what you've been doing wrong, or what you can do wrong, or beat yourself up for missing the point, or opportunities etc. The important thing is to try to do what is right when the time comes. And if you don't then the beauty is it becomes something in the past and is no longer important, for there is another opportunity to do right in the present.
Congratulations for doing something right seven days in a row. For people like you and me, it's easy to do once, it's hard to do twice, and it's insurmountable to do seven times in a row. Good thing you only had to do it once, seven times. Looks like eight now. Let's see nine
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Seven days...awesome.
funny thing I've noticed over the years...lots of things we can do with the responses to our threads. We can use them to feed our egos...and sometimes feed them right back into a spectacular relapse because those will get us PAGES of attention. We can use them to feed our doom...hands wringing, why oh why can't I stop...or we can use them to build our recovery. Take solid advice, real support and do this thing.
It's easy to get dazzled by the number of "thanks" and the pages of replies, and catch on that misery, crisis and relapse keep those things coming.
Sobriety is less flashy and attention getting, but it's way worth it.
funny thing I've noticed over the years...lots of things we can do with the responses to our threads. We can use them to feed our egos...and sometimes feed them right back into a spectacular relapse because those will get us PAGES of attention. We can use them to feed our doom...hands wringing, why oh why can't I stop...or we can use them to build our recovery. Take solid advice, real support and do this thing.
It's easy to get dazzled by the number of "thanks" and the pages of replies, and catch on that misery, crisis and relapse keep those things coming.
Sobriety is less flashy and attention getting, but it's way worth it.
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