Only Just Realised...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 8
Only Just Realised...
I've been lurking in this forum for awhile reading other people's stories but haven't gotten around to joining.
I have only recently realised I am an alcoholic. I am sat in Wetherspoons pub, on my second pint. I would often read about people drinking for the buzz - I don't do that. I drink to get drunk. To block out life. I never realised that this is essentially the same thing.
I don't drink massive amounts all the time - once or twice a month. But when I do drink, I will drink until I'm either very drunk or run out of money. Usually the latter. I don't often drink with my wife or anyone else - mainly because I don't want to have "just one". I want to drink and drink - and I only like to do this alone. It's strange but I will only drink massive amounts when alone.
I'm not ready to stop drinking yet but I wanted to share this and hope that people might understand. I don't know if they will.
OJ
I have only recently realised I am an alcoholic. I am sat in Wetherspoons pub, on my second pint. I would often read about people drinking for the buzz - I don't do that. I drink to get drunk. To block out life. I never realised that this is essentially the same thing.
I don't drink massive amounts all the time - once or twice a month. But when I do drink, I will drink until I'm either very drunk or run out of money. Usually the latter. I don't often drink with my wife or anyone else - mainly because I don't want to have "just one". I want to drink and drink - and I only like to do this alone. It's strange but I will only drink massive amounts when alone.
I'm not ready to stop drinking yet but I wanted to share this and hope that people might understand. I don't know if they will.
OJ
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
We understand. Glad you stopped by. Hope you can find something here that helps you. Sometimes just talking about it with people who understand can be a big help.
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Hello I neverknew 
I do understand. I never set out to get drunk but it nearly always happened. Once I got the taste, I didn't stop until the drink was gone - or I was! I was always happy to drink with other people, but, yes, drinking alone was equally rewarding - no-one to query the amount I drank or the speed at which I drank it.
I've been sober almost 9 months now and the feeling of freedom is amazing. Before, when I wasn't actually drinking I'd be worrying about the last time or be anticipating the next. Now, all that time and space has been returned to me and I am far more giving and far less selfish as a result.
If you read the experiences here, you'll realise that you can beat this demon, but it's better to do it now before you start to lose some of the things you hold very dear.
I hope you decide to join us on the sober journey!
I do understand. I never set out to get drunk but it nearly always happened. Once I got the taste, I didn't stop until the drink was gone - or I was! I was always happy to drink with other people, but, yes, drinking alone was equally rewarding - no-one to query the amount I drank or the speed at which I drank it.
I've been sober almost 9 months now and the feeling of freedom is amazing. Before, when I wasn't actually drinking I'd be worrying about the last time or be anticipating the next. Now, all that time and space has been returned to me and I am far more giving and far less selfish as a result.
If you read the experiences here, you'll realise that you can beat this demon, but it's better to do it now before you start to lose some of the things you hold very dear.
I hope you decide to join us on the sober journey!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
I am sure most people here understand. I was a lone drinker mostly. Except I drank alone every night to the point of falling asleep/unconscious. I actually preferred it too, though I drank socially too.
If I went out socially for a 'couple of drinks' I always made sure I had plenty at home to get 'properly' pissed when I had done the social stuff.
You may do yourself no harm drinking as you are if you carry on, but the more usual pattern is for that sort of habit to progress to something rather more damaging. I hope not, but it is best to be aware of the risk.
If I went out socially for a 'couple of drinks' I always made sure I had plenty at home to get 'properly' pissed when I had done the social stuff.
You may do yourself no harm drinking as you are if you carry on, but the more usual pattern is for that sort of habit to progress to something rather more damaging. I hope not, but it is best to be aware of the risk.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 8
Thank you for your kind words and to the PM I just received. I can't reply till I have five posts but I was going to say...
I've never been to AA.
I have only just realised - this minute, sitting in the pub, watching TV on my laptop, drinking a pint, that I'm an alcoholic.
I don't have a bad life. I'm married, living with my parents. But I have done alot of things I'm not proud of that do rarely leave my mind. And I drink to block it all out.
Thank you for your message,
OJ.
I've never been to AA.
I have only just realised - this minute, sitting in the pub, watching TV on my laptop, drinking a pint, that I'm an alcoholic.
I don't have a bad life. I'm married, living with my parents. But I have done alot of things I'm not proud of that do rarely leave my mind. And I drink to block it all out.
Thank you for your message,
OJ.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by INeverKnew 
But I have done alot of things I'm not proud of that do rarely leave my mind. And I drink to block it all out.
You can't change what you've done, but you can ensure you don't add to it in the future. By refusing the first drink, you can be confident that (for the most part, anyway
) you'll only do the things you intend to - and that is extremely liberating! AlmA
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Hi Never,
You just took the first step!!!
you know you have a problem and are starting to realize it is starting to be the centre of your life. and it is sucks.
I took a while to realize, I could not control it and had to do it daily.
I went into a depression and am still recovering.
I decided I could not continued this way and put a date to quick.
the day after my birthday.... for obvious reasons.
20/02/2012 And am still fighting it
But you need to do it!!!!
you need to change!!!!
this is just not the way to live!!!
Do something about it!!!
you know you have to!!!
do not delay it any more... sooner or later you will have to stop the nonsense!!!
You are scared and disorientated get HELP
you need support.
we are here to help you get through, go to the doctors sphyco, AA, ...
talk to your wife... tell her you have a problem and need her help.
She loves you and will help you take the step.
You just got to Start Somewhere!!!!
Hope you take the Step
You just took the first step!!!
you know you have a problem and are starting to realize it is starting to be the centre of your life. and it is sucks.
I took a while to realize, I could not control it and had to do it daily.
I went into a depression and am still recovering.
I decided I could not continued this way and put a date to quick.
the day after my birthday.... for obvious reasons.
20/02/2012 And am still fighting it
But you need to do it!!!!
you need to change!!!!
this is just not the way to live!!!
Do something about it!!!
you know you have to!!!
do not delay it any more... sooner or later you will have to stop the nonsense!!!
You are scared and disorientated get HELP
you need support.
we are here to help you get through, go to the doctors sphyco, AA, ...
talk to your wife... tell her you have a problem and need her help.
She loves you and will help you take the step.
You just got to Start Somewhere!!!!
Hope you take the Step
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
to SR! You've come to a very supportive place. If you're not sure you want to stop drinking yet, why not stop for a period of time, say, thirty days, and see how you feel then.
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
Welcome and it is great you realized you have a problem.
I drank alone because people that cared about me screwed up my drinking. The problem with alcoholism is it only gets worse.
The question is how bad do you want your life to get? Speaking from personal experience it can get real bad.
I drank alone because people that cared about me screwed up my drinking. The problem with alcoholism is it only gets worse.
The question is how bad do you want your life to get? Speaking from personal experience it can get real bad.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Knowing will change things. Not at first maybe, except to make you feel worse when you drink. But it's a start. No one ever stops until they know they have to. Hell, if I could get drunk every night with no consequences I would! But in the real world I can't. So I quit.
Good to have you here! I hope you still around and read, and post when you feel the urge.
Good to have you here! I hope you still around and read, and post when you feel the urge.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 109
Mentium, you said: "You may do yourself no harm drinking as you are if you carry on.."
I disagree! Binge drinking is just as hard on the body as daily drinking.
---------------
Ineverknew, admitting you are an alcoholic is the first and most important step. When you do decide to quit, I wish you the best for a successful recovery! Living life sober is SO amazing!
I disagree! Binge drinking is just as hard on the body as daily drinking.
---------------
Ineverknew, admitting you are an alcoholic is the first and most important step. When you do decide to quit, I wish you the best for a successful recovery! Living life sober is SO amazing!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 8
I want to change my own viewpoint - I want to not want to drink alone.
I think Alan Shore in Boston Legal described it best - "The only thing I demand in a relationship is that I remain completely alone." I think my mindset of this is one of the things that causes me to drink. That I enjoy my solitude.
I think Alan Shore in Boston Legal described it best - "The only thing I demand in a relationship is that I remain completely alone." I think my mindset of this is one of the things that causes me to drink. That I enjoy my solitude.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by HeadLump
Yes, I know that feeling well 
You can't change what you've done, but you can ensure you don't add to it in the future. By refusing the first drink, you can be confident that (for the most part, anyway ) you'll only do the things you intend to - and that is extremely liberating!
You can't change what you've done, but you can ensure you don't add to it in the future. By refusing the first drink, you can be confident that (for the most part, anyway
) you'll only do the things you intend to - and that is extremely liberating! 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by INeverKnew
I want to change my own viewpoint - I want to not want to drink alone.
I think Alan Shore in Boston Legal described it best - "The only thing I demand in a relationship is that I remain completely alone." I think my mindset of this is one of the things that causes me to drink. That I enjoy my solitude.
I think Alan Shore in Boston Legal described it best - "The only thing I demand in a relationship is that I remain completely alone." I think my mindset of this is one of the things that causes me to drink. That I enjoy my solitude.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
