Bryan654

I am going to my parents for thanksgiving this year and it is going to be tough. I told my father that I am not drinking and he is fine with that, my sister and her husband usually have one glass of wine. My mother, however, is an alcoholic, she has had a hard life and has drank since i can remember. Regularly puts back a bottle and a half of white wine a day. I was trying to talk through it was my therapist and realized something that I have been doing for years. When I go visit my parents I will often match drinks with my mother at the dinner table, so she doesn't feel so alone.
I am scared that she will be the only one drinking heavily now and that will be uncomfortable for everybody. I have enlisted my father as an ally so he knows I wont be drinking, but i'm scared for my mother. I am hoping that by me scaling back she will see that she should do the same, but I know that only she can make that decision. Family gatherings are tough, and i'm going to be spending a lot of time on here this weekend.

Nuudawn

Happy Thanksgiving my Canadian brother! Sweetie, your love, care and empathy for your mother is obvious. And I do hope you realize...no matter how much you love her, you are not responsible for her actions or well being. Matching her drink for drink so as to not call attention to her behaviour is not right action. You know that right? You would be doing her a disservice by protecting her from her own self. Do you know what I mean?

No matter what, you are a better son by loving her unconditionally and allowing her a "light" to see by. If she is alone drinking heavily..she needs to see that, don't you think?

I am thinking this might be a pretty big trigger for you..so I'm hoping you are allowing some space in there to worry over yourself rather than your mother.

Flying4Life

Man do I know how it feels to want to save my mom from the consequences of her drinking...
But I couldn't save her and neither can you, only she has that power.
Drinking excessively so that your mother feels comfortable with her own excessive drinking is at best harmful to your health and at worst...a death sentence for both of you.
I know it sounds harsh but this is a serious and life-threatening disease we are talking about. It might be a blessing for your mom to feel the discomfort of her behaviour because it could motivate her to change and save her life!
Don't give in to this sick behaviour. Love your mom and yourself enough to stick with the path of sobriety, it will benefit you both in the long-term.

On a practical note, for family holiday gatherings I like to bring my own non-alcoholic beverages, something special and festive to ease the pressure I sometimes get to drink with the crowd.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving Bryan!

stark6935

That sounds like a problem she should be more worried about than you. Don't you think so? I know it's your mom, but you gotta do what's best for you. Are you going to continue to kill yourself so people don't feel uncomfortable?