amber915

MY boyfriend has been addicted to heroin for the past 10 years. He's been In and out of prison and he's probably been to every drug program in our state with out success. He recently decided he would go on methadone because there's not a chance in hell he can stay clean with out it. After being on it for about 2 weeks he found out he can get high even though he's on methadone if he does enough heroin. Now it's been about a month and a half and he can't afford methadone so they are financially detoxing him. Today he came out of the bathroom with hives on his arm and an abscess. I asked him what it was even though I already knew and he said he need to get high cause his methadone dose was so low he wasn't gonna keep feeling sick. I don't know what to do with him he is breaking my heart every time he puts a needle in his arm. I want to tell him if he doesn't stop I'll leave him but I've said it so many times and not gone through with it he'll know this time is no different. I just don't know what to do I want to detach myself from him because I know he's gonna OD one of these days.

zoso77

Amber,

If you want to detach, then detach. If I were to guess why you haven't done so yet, it's because you're afraid of what will happen if you do. The truth is it doesn't matter if you stay or detach because he's going to do whatever it is he's going to do. The past 10 years have proved this. You have all the information you need to make a responsible, informed decision. That doesn't mean that you'll like doing what you have to do.

If you were on a plane with him at the controls, and he was steering the plane towards the ground, if you had a parachute, would you go down with him or jump out?

There is nothing you or anyone can do for him. Get out of dodge and save your sanity while you can. I would strongly encourage you to attend a local Nar Anon meeting to get support in person. Keep us posted as to how you're doing.

ZoSo

KeepinItReal

Love yourself. You have every reason to be loved and fully appreciated for everything you do.
When my AH refused to get help I lived with it for over a year... until I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't because I didn't love him. It wasn't because i wanted to break up with him or not have a family with him it was because he loved pills (I didn't know about the heroin at this point) more than he loved me. His whole life was about getting and doing drugs. I was pregnant. I needed his attention first. I certainly couldn't keep taking care of him and his drama any longer. I was done. I feared he was going to die everyday. When I left him his drug use did seem to get a lot worse.
When he was then incarcerated for whatever possession of drugs.. he sobered up a little and came clean to me.
I went to two meetings with him when he first started recovery. He told me he felt funny talking in front of me... so I backed off. It was better he went alone anyway.
To start detaching imagine him dying. I know that sounds horribly morbid.. but it was like a death to me. Our dreams were gone, his mind was gone, his will to care about anything but drugs was gone. Essentially the person he was, was gone. Taken over by the demon that played him like the puppet he was. Yet, still responsible. It was his fault for picking up, for not stopping, not getting help. It wasn't the drug. It was his choice to do these drugs.
Any sane person would want to see their loved one quits. Every addicted loved one is special and unique... but they all share something. They are addicts.. and while in active addiction they do not care about anything before their drugs. Start journaling all your feelings. You can do this.

575

Save yourself just like he has to save himself.

"It is one thing to be willing to go to hell for those we love. It is quite another to go to hell with them." ~ Robert Emory

amber915

Thank you to everyone who replied, I'm going to a meeting Monday night, someone once told me "you can't make him get help but if you start going to meetings and taking care of yourself he may start to do the same". I'll try anything at this point.

lizwig

I'm sorry you are struggling Amber. I think a lot of people go to their first meetings hoping to get answers on how to fix their loved one...they soon find that while they might not get new ideas and tricks for sorting their loved one out...they can get SO Much more! I'm glad you've found one to go to, it was the turning point for me. Every person there will understand your sense of powerlessness. They will provide you with support and share your fears. We can only hope to be a beacon of light to our addicts, a reminder that they have the same help available to them....but in the meantime we can work on ourselves and welcome back much, if not all, of the serenity and sanity we have all given away. Big hug to you today.

sevenofnine

Recovery is all about fixing ourselves and nothing to do with fixing others. If you don't accept ALL of him, active addiction and all, you are not going to help him by standing by him anyway. Loving someone IF they will change isn't loving someone.