jacrazz

After my XABF basically gave me his ass to kiss three months ago, I have been working on taking care me, learning about addiction as just trying to deal with my situation. Since joining SR, I have been able to get a handle on things pretty well. He still lives in the small town where we grew up which is 1/2 hour drive so after the breakup I was relieved to not to be living one street away. Here is where it gets sticky.....I went back there yesterday to pay some bills and also to go check out my childhood home that is now a rental property. While driving through town I saw his car parked at a local business and kinds lost it emotionally! I called his phone and then said nothing a hung up, I know, very childish!! I just wanted to hear his voice....Stupid me! It really set the tone for the rest of the day.

There is more! The past few months have been rough to say the least and I have been thinking of making some life changing decisions. One big one is quitting my NYC job, moving back to my small house in my home town where I will be basically living for free and that way I can finish Nursing school without any added stressors. My life would seem to simple....Then yesterday happened. My reaction to seeing him was obviously not the sign of a healed person! Now I'm not sure if moving back to smallville is so great!

firebolt

It happens to the best of us - and you can recover from this! It's like a diet, or quitting smoking, and yeah like quitting drinking too. You just have to get back on the wagon, and you can do it!

Smallville sounds WONDERFUL! And so peaceful! And so healthy!

Take care of yourself today if you can. It will help slow your thoughts down, and hopefully help light the path to the future you want. It is much easier to take drastic action when there is a huge lit up goal at the end , and you have a clear view of the path you need to take to get to it - easy or hard. Hang in there!

Wisconsin

If you're a Type A perfectionist like me, it drives you nuts when you backslide.

But it truly, truly is progress, not perfection. And if this relapse involved you calling his phone and hanging up...remember how far you've come. What would your behavior have been 6 months ago? Calling his phone and engaging in a 3-hour drama fest? (That's what mine would have been, anyway.) So calling and hanging up...tremendous progress!

jacrazz

Thanks FB! I love the comparisons to other addictions, because it is spot on! It's only been a few months and the wounds are still fresh. I find SR to be what I need when I'm feeling emotional.

jacrazz

Oh how I would have love to entice some drama, the old me anyway! He did request no contact when we broke up and I have honored that but yesterday seemed beyond my control! He knew it was me, im sure! I feel ashamed of myself for not being strong enough to not even dial!

LightInside

Jacrazz,
I had some less-than-desirable behavior last night. You can read about it if you want, in the thread entitled, "Need support: Had him served tonight.

Just want to say, be gentle to yourself. You could treat yourself the way you would want a friend or fellow codie to treat herself. Al Anons tell me that all the time. Also, is there a reason that you couldn't just delay your move back to Smallville a few more months?

jacrazz

I read your thread and it wasnt that bad...you have a child together so you have a reason to react. I should know better!

My move wouldnt be until after the new year, by them I hope to be less "fragile"....lol! Sigh...

Wavy

I saw the back of XABF last weekend (literally, not figuratively!) and had a complete meltdown! It happens! You are not alone I think its going to take time to be OK with those unexpected sightings. Don't beat yourself up over what you did, its past now, focus on what you can do to look after yourself so you feel more secure next time. If you have any ideas I'd love to hear them because that is the bit I'm struggling with too!

DreamsofSerenity

I had a major relapse about a month into my break-up with exabf. I let him verbally abuse me on the phone for an hour while I just kept crying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over. I took responsibility for everything wrong in our relationship--including his drinking--just to get him to talk to me. It was quite frankly, pathetic. So don't go beating yourself up over one hang up call! Be compassionate with yourself!

My relapse turned into my rock bottom. Now I am 9 months NC, and have resisted multiple efforts by exabf to reconcile. My life is more peaceful than it's ever been.

We aren't perfect. Our experiences with alcoholics have left us deeply wounded and a little crazy ourselves. And it takes time to heal from all of that. You are on the right path.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Springs

I would be thrilled if I could go a week without unhealthy emotional relapse behavior, let alone three months. Kudos to you for naming it and embracing recovery.

NYCDoglvr

It's progress, not perfection. A slip is common, at least you didn't talk and get together with him. You're doing great ... it is a process and we take "abstinence" one day at a time.

Recovering2

If I could move somewhere to live "basically free" and continue my education...I would JUMP at the opportunity! You have a bright future ahead of you, don't worry about one emotional lapse. Progress...not perfection!

jacrazz

Saw him again today while driving and actually had eye contact.....I just turned my head and he turned the corner, and i felt great! Thank you my SR peeps for reassuring me that I can do this!