AA perception Versus reality
No half measures
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
AA perception Versus reality
I would say that a majority of people did not want to go to AA myself included. I had this mental image of what AA meetings were like and what alcoholics were like. When I got desperate enough and was forced into AA I found that what I thought and what I experienced were two very different things.
2 Questions
2 Questions
- What did you think AA would be like?
- What was the reality of AA that you experienced?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: London
Posts: 10
I am on day 12 and I was completely shocked when I went to my first AA meeting.
I expected that AA would be a room full of people who were tramps, and hobo's and the worst of the lot, yet I was surprised to meet people just like me from every walk of life. I was surprised to hear that so many of the people in there had similar stories to mine and to be honest it was the best decision I have made in my life going into those rooms.
They have kept me sane but most importantly I feel that I have made some new friends who genuinely care about my well being.
I expected that AA would be a room full of people who were tramps, and hobo's and the worst of the lot, yet I was surprised to meet people just like me from every walk of life. I was surprised to hear that so many of the people in there had similar stories to mine and to be honest it was the best decision I have made in my life going into those rooms.
They have kept me sane but most importantly I feel that I have made some new friends who genuinely care about my well being.
No half measures
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
Originally Posted by Threshold 
I found that what I expected and what I experienced were very different as well, but I suspect not in the way this thread is intended to go.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Johannesburg
Posts: 203
Firstly, I have been in and out of AA for about 5 years. Have gone to quite a few different groups and types of meetings. I don't claim to be an expert on the program nor do I have a consistent 'vision' of a higher power.
As far as the demographic of members, I didn't really have any expectation and have found it to be varied dependant on the area the meeting is held. In general about 10 % are women; 70% of members are my age (40) and older and the rest younger than I.
In terms of content, I expected a more religious slant and expected the meetings to be about discussing ways to avoid alcohol abuse. I knew that alcoholics should not drink but didn't know that AA would involve a commitment to NEVER again drink.
I certainly did not expect that the program would be a way of living your life with the intent of doing no harm, repairing any harm already done, rectifying your failings and releasing resentments. For me it's almost as if the lack of desire to drink is coincidental upon following the steps instead of the purpose of following them. That's why the program has been so powerful in my life, because quitting alcohol is only a small part of what it's done for me.
As far as the demographic of members, I didn't really have any expectation and have found it to be varied dependant on the area the meeting is held. In general about 10 % are women; 70% of members are my age (40) and older and the rest younger than I.
In terms of content, I expected a more religious slant and expected the meetings to be about discussing ways to avoid alcohol abuse. I knew that alcoholics should not drink but didn't know that AA would involve a commitment to NEVER again drink.
I certainly did not expect that the program would be a way of living your life with the intent of doing no harm, repairing any harm already done, rectifying your failings and releasing resentments. For me it's almost as if the lack of desire to drink is coincidental upon following the steps instead of the purpose of following them. That's why the program has been so powerful in my life, because quitting alcohol is only a small part of what it's done for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I had to look at why I had such intense reactions to very specific parts of AA.
I finally realized that I often get stuck in an all or nothing mentality turned inwards. I get frozen between perfectionism and procrastination.
I realized recently that my reaction to members who I perceive to be intolerant and rigid is likely a reaction to identifying with the exact same black or white way of thinking. Their thinking is just projected externally, while I project mine inwardly.
I finally realized that I often get stuck in an all or nothing mentality turned inwards. I get frozen between perfectionism and procrastination.
I realized recently that my reaction to members who I perceive to be intolerant and rigid is likely a reaction to identifying with the exact same black or white way of thinking. Their thinking is just projected externally, while I project mine inwardly.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I thought it was about quitting drinking.
I am learning its about surrendering and clearing a path towards my spiritual higher power. This transcends the sobriety and means becoming a fuller and better person.
I imagine my statement probably scares many and I seem like a convert, as 40 plus days ago that is what I would have said.
I attend meetings to remind myself of my disease and relate to stories like mine from people across all walks of life without racial, financial, or gender bias. I another words this disease has no prejudice and I find that helpful.
I am learning its about surrendering and clearing a path towards my spiritual higher power. This transcends the sobriety and means becoming a fuller and better person.
I imagine my statement probably scares many and I seem like a convert, as 40 plus days ago that is what I would have said.
I attend meetings to remind myself of my disease and relate to stories like mine from people across all walks of life without racial, financial, or gender bias. I another words this disease has no prejudice and I find that helpful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
I was in AA previously (sober 14 years, then drank for 13) and I've been surprised to find that my perception was still quite inaccurate.
The first several years of the 14 were spent in a community of "watered down" AA; folks pretty much treated meetings as group therapy and the steps were of the 1980's recovery-boom-era type. Then I discovered a very militant faction of AA and went that route for a while.
Coming back to AA after 13 years of drinking/using I rather expected something of what I'd experienced before, but that has not been the case. I've found a depth of spirituality that was either lacking in the communities I was involved in before, or I was too troubled and distracted to perceive and absorb that aspect of the program - or both. There are, of course, still those who employ the fellowship as group therapy and utilize the meetings more as a pressure-valve release for their spiritual malady, but I also hear a richness to many people's experience that was obtained by a spiritual experience - a result of working the steps.
My surprise has led to a great deal of relief, a real sense of gratitude to be on a path that, finally, seems to be going somewhere, and a feeling of affection for my 'fellow travelers' on this path. The common solution - this brotherhood of understanding that the Unknowable has done for us what we simply could not do is, in and of itself, a gift. However, I agree with Seahorse and Jdooner that that's just the beginning!
The first several years of the 14 were spent in a community of "watered down" AA; folks pretty much treated meetings as group therapy and the steps were of the 1980's recovery-boom-era type. Then I discovered a very militant faction of AA and went that route for a while.
Coming back to AA after 13 years of drinking/using I rather expected something of what I'd experienced before, but that has not been the case. I've found a depth of spirituality that was either lacking in the communities I was involved in before, or I was too troubled and distracted to perceive and absorb that aspect of the program - or both. There are, of course, still those who employ the fellowship as group therapy and utilize the meetings more as a pressure-valve release for their spiritual malady, but I also hear a richness to many people's experience that was obtained by a spiritual experience - a result of working the steps.
My surprise has led to a great deal of relief, a real sense of gratitude to be on a path that, finally, seems to be going somewhere, and a feeling of affection for my 'fellow travelers' on this path. The common solution - this brotherhood of understanding that the Unknowable has done for us what we simply could not do is, in and of itself, a gift. However, I agree with Seahorse and Jdooner that that's just the beginning!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Threshold
I found that what I expected and what I experienced were very different as well, but I suspect not in the way this thread is intended to go.
It was not what I expected. That was due to what I was led to believe beforehand by others, not that AA is deficient in any way.
Sorry if it came off as a put down.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
My response is neither a put down nor a promotion regarding AA. Although I do think it's pretty darn fantastic that there is such a tremendously organized, widely available, free and welcoming place to go when a person is broken and defeated.
In all honesty, I think I had higher expectations for AA which doesn't appear to be the norm. I did not think they were going to be hobo's and lunatics. There are a lot of good folk there....and a lot of good wisdom. It's a great program. I simply found an alternative that resonates with me more.
P.S. My thought is this thread might go horribly sideways. It is Newcomer's and might open a big ole ugly can of worms that isn't really necessary. Is this not offering a recovery program up for debate? Maybe I'm just paranoid....
In all honesty, I think I had higher expectations for AA which doesn't appear to be the norm. I did not think they were going to be hobo's and lunatics. There are a lot of good folk there....and a lot of good wisdom. It's a great program. I simply found an alternative that resonates with me more.
P.S. My thought is this thread might go horribly sideways. It is Newcomer's and might open a big ole ugly can of worms that isn't really necessary. Is this not offering a recovery program up for debate? Maybe I'm just paranoid....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
What did I think AA would be like?
Well it is a long time since my very first visit. But I was surprised by the apparent normality of the people there. I was also a bit confused by the ritual and the jargon.
What was the reality of AA that I experienced?
Well firstly it has helped me stay sober for the longest period for many many years. It is coming up for two months now. So I am reluctant to be too harsh on it. But I have to say that I struggle with the spiritual bit. I am an atheist and the idea of handing myself over to a higher power is so much nonsense to me. Having said that I do think one can take a self development attitude to the steps. It isn't an easy path to travel, but it is one people who don't want religion have to find if they are to make a go of AA in my view.
Well it is a long time since my very first visit. But I was surprised by the apparent normality of the people there. I was also a bit confused by the ritual and the jargon.
What was the reality of AA that I experienced?
Well firstly it has helped me stay sober for the longest period for many many years. It is coming up for two months now. So I am reluctant to be too harsh on it. But I have to say that I struggle with the spiritual bit. I am an atheist and the idea of handing myself over to a higher power is so much nonsense to me. Having said that I do think one can take a self development attitude to the steps. It isn't an easy path to travel, but it is one people who don't want religion have to find if they are to make a go of AA in my view.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I am not regular AA person, but I have been to meetings. I would say that the meetings were pretty much what I expected.
I would add that regardless of the intentions of the original poster, threads like this almost always turn into an argument or debate about AA, which is not appropriate in the newcomers section to my knowledge.
I would add that regardless of the intentions of the original poster, threads like this almost always turn into an argument or debate about AA, which is not appropriate in the newcomers section to my knowledge.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
1. I honestly had no expectations of AA. I had no bias, positive or negative. It was just something that was mentioned on TV. But I went to a 12-step based rehab so that's what we did. I learned as much as I could. We had a meeting every night so I kind of knew what to expect once I got into the rooms.
2. The reality is that it's one of the best thing that's every happened to me. I have people that care about me and my sobriety. I don't have to do this alone. I have the steps as my guide to becoming a better human being. I love how I can walk into a meeting I've never been to before and instantly connect with every single person in the room. I feel safe and can be myself. I can share my brightest moments and my darkest lows without fear of judgment.
2. The reality is that it's one of the best thing that's every happened to me. I have people that care about me and my sobriety. I don't have to do this alone. I have the steps as my guide to becoming a better human being. I love how I can walk into a meeting I've never been to before and instantly connect with every single person in the room. I feel safe and can be myself. I can share my brightest moments and my darkest lows without fear of judgment.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Wakko, since you asked I will give you my experience.
I was told AA was spiritual but not religious. MY EXPERIENCE is that that is a distinction without a difference as practiced in the meetings I attended. Christian prayers were recited. Most of the talk was God talk and smacked of faith healing.
Before I went, I thought that AA was about getting sober. I found that that wasn't the focus of the meeting I attended. The focus was conversion to AA's "spirituality". And if you want that then I think it probably is a fantastic program.
I just wanted to stop drinking. . . and found that elsewhere.
I had preconceived ideas about the people at AA. I expected to be armpit deep in hobos, and that wasn't the case at all. Most of the people were nice and looked like a cross-section of people you might find at a ball game. Many were articulate and witty. There was much laughter along with tragedy. I did like just being in a room of other humans with the same disorder that I had. I guess it is like finding your own tribe in a way.
I think anyone that is struggling with alcoholism should check out a few meeting and see for themselves if AA is something they want.
I was told AA was spiritual but not religious. MY EXPERIENCE is that that is a distinction without a difference as practiced in the meetings I attended. Christian prayers were recited. Most of the talk was God talk and smacked of faith healing.
Before I went, I thought that AA was about getting sober. I found that that wasn't the focus of the meeting I attended. The focus was conversion to AA's "spirituality". And if you want that then I think it probably is a fantastic program.
I just wanted to stop drinking. . . and found that elsewhere.
I had preconceived ideas about the people at AA. I expected to be armpit deep in hobos, and that wasn't the case at all. Most of the people were nice and looked like a cross-section of people you might find at a ball game. Many were articulate and witty. There was much laughter along with tragedy. I did like just being in a room of other humans with the same disorder that I had. I guess it is like finding your own tribe in a way.
I think anyone that is struggling with alcoholism should check out a few meeting and see for themselves if AA is something they want.
No half measures
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
Originally Posted by ru12
Wakko, since you asked I will give you my experience.
I was told AA was spiritual but not religious. MY EXPERIENCE is that that is a distinction without a difference as practiced in the meetings I attended. Christian prayers were recited. Most of the talk was God talk and smacked of faith healing.
Before I went, I thought that AA was about getting sober. I found that that wasn't the focus of the meeting I attended. The focus was conversion to AA's "spirituality". And if you want that then I think it probably is a fantastic program.
I just wanted to stop drinking. . . and found that elsewhere.
I had preconceived ideas about the people at AA. I expected to be armpit deep in hobos, and that wasn't the case at all. Most of the people were nice and looked like a cross-section of people you might find at a ball game. Many were articulate and witty. There was much laughter along with tragedy. I did like just being in a room of other humans with the same disorder that I had. I guess it is like finding your own tribe in a way.
I think anyone that is struggling with alcoholism should check out a few meeting and see for themselves if AA is something they want.
I was told AA was spiritual but not religious. MY EXPERIENCE is that that is a distinction without a difference as practiced in the meetings I attended. Christian prayers were recited. Most of the talk was God talk and smacked of faith healing.
Before I went, I thought that AA was about getting sober. I found that that wasn't the focus of the meeting I attended. The focus was conversion to AA's "spirituality". And if you want that then I think it probably is a fantastic program.
I just wanted to stop drinking. . . and found that elsewhere.
I had preconceived ideas about the people at AA. I expected to be armpit deep in hobos, and that wasn't the case at all. Most of the people were nice and looked like a cross-section of people you might find at a ball game. Many were articulate and witty. There was much laughter along with tragedy. I did like just being in a room of other humans with the same disorder that I had. I guess it is like finding your own tribe in a way.
I think anyone that is struggling with alcoholism should check out a few meeting and see for themselves if AA is something they want.
Excellent comments. AA is not all rainbows and unicorns even though I am big fan
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 164
Age factor
1. I am only 25, so my perception was that I would find a bunch of older people who had been drinking from decades every day of their lives - people who hadn't been very successful. Basically didn't think there would be anyone I could relate to.
2. It took a couple tries to find the right meeting for me, but I was shocked that I found plenty of young people not unlike myself. I also found people who had graduated college and lived very successful lives. I even found someone who went to the same college and graduate school as me!
1. I am only 25, so my perception was that I would find a bunch of older people who had been drinking from decades every day of their lives - people who hadn't been very successful. Basically didn't think there would be anyone I could relate to.
2. It took a couple tries to find the right meeting for me, but I was shocked that I found plenty of young people not unlike myself. I also found people who had graduated college and lived very successful lives. I even found someone who went to the same college and graduate school as me!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I had absolutely no concept of AA when I first entered. It was close to 30 years ago, not very popular at the time, and there was no internet or anything of the sort to give me any impressions of it. The only thing I think I knew of alcoholism treatment came from the movie days of wine and roses which I saw in an alcohlic haze. Headed to detox I thought I was going to be strapped to a bed, with people putting cold rags on my head. I was completely thrown by the fact that people in the hospital were treating me nice. In my eyes was a drunken waste of life, and didn't expect that kind of treatment at all.
AA to me now is an oasis. It's a place to make friends, share experiences, give support, get support, teach, learn, grow, and love. I sometimes wish it were open to everyone, but then it wouldn't be what it is. I love AA. I didn't always. I have lots of family there.
AA to me now is an oasis. It's a place to make friends, share experiences, give support, get support, teach, learn, grow, and love. I sometimes wish it were open to everyone, but then it wouldn't be what it is. I love AA. I didn't always. I have lots of family there.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
At the request of a newly sober relative, I attended my first AA meeting along with them nearly 20 years before I attended my second one (which was for MY benefit). I was not too surprised by what I encountered in my second meeting and the ones that immediately followed it.
What took me a bit longer to fully understand was the distinction between spirituality and religion. It’s a distinction that takes a while to fully comprehend.
It reminds me of something I once read. To paraphrase,
'Religion is for those who are afraid of going to hell; AA (and its unique spirituality) is for those who have already been there'.
What took me a bit longer to fully understand was the distinction between spirituality and religion. It’s a distinction that takes a while to fully comprehend.
It reminds me of something I once read. To paraphrase,
'Religion is for those who are afraid of going to hell; AA (and its unique spirituality) is for those who have already been there'.
No half measures
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
Originally Posted by stark6935
AA is more for social people imo. People who like to gossip, etc.
- What was your preception
- What was the reality
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