Recovery
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Recovery
Friday, October 11, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Recovery
How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .
Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.
The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.
Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.
Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.
It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.
Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Recovery
How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .
Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.
The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.
Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.
Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.
It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.
Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I know that when I first began this journey I had to learn to stop living in the problem, my son's addiction, and instead begin living in the solution, my recovery. And I learned that I could not live in both at the same time.
Before I could let go of my son's addiction I had to face and accept two horrifying truths, the first that my son was an addict and the second that I could not do anything about it and would only make myself sick trying.
His life was not mine to fix. I could love him, encourage his good choices and detach from his bad, but it was truly not meant for me to control. I had to give him the dignity of facing his own life and consequences if he was to learn anything for himself.
Recovery was my lifeline, finding my meetings and beginning to work a wonderful 12 step program literally saved my life.
I am grateful for recovery today, it's there for each one of us if we are willing to reach out and then do the work.
Hugs
Before I could let go of my son's addiction I had to face and accept two horrifying truths, the first that my son was an addict and the second that I could not do anything about it and would only make myself sick trying.
His life was not mine to fix. I could love him, encourage his good choices and detach from his bad, but it was truly not meant for me to control. I had to give him the dignity of facing his own life and consequences if he was to learn anything for himself.
Recovery was my lifeline, finding my meetings and beginning to work a wonderful 12 step program literally saved my life.
I am grateful for recovery today, it's there for each one of us if we are willing to reach out and then do the work.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hi Ann, I really hate dealing with my own feelings and I tend to always point the finger right back at myself. I wish I didn't do that so much. The pain gets overwhelming all the time. I did find when I let go, my daughters Behaviors and denials, I DID feel better, but I always seem to want to go back and rescue them, this is slowly stopping. That's why I like SR so much. You educate me. You teach me what someone else has taught you. That's what makes SR feel like a family. Thanks for the threat, I will have a good day and a guilt free Friday. TF
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