Update: I Am Third
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Update: I Am Third
Well I have not been on here for awhile. Partially due to my physical inability and partially due to not wanting to deal with reality.
I am still separated from AH. I have been through so much with my cancer. I finished last chemo in end of September. I had my PT Scan and CT scan earlier this week. I have a dr appt tomorrow at 8am to let me know if my cancer is in remission or if I am going to have to do another series of treatment.
I have heavily been relying on my higher power since I have not been posting here. My faith has helped me tremendously. However, tonight I need support. Tonight I need people and people who can help me deal with alcoholic behavior.
My separated AH has been helpful with logistics and caring for the children...he has always done that. But what hurts me tonight is that he said he wanted to be present at my dr appt tomorrow and now that we are at night before, he said tomorrow is no big deal and Im just being deama and he doesnt need to go. He asked me to go! I dont get it!!! Why am I letting him get to me tonight? Ive been not angry for months. Why now am I engaging? Of course tomorrow is important. I have been fighting cancer for almost a year now and he is just minimizing it. My heart hurts so much tonight....
I am still separated from AH. I have been through so much with my cancer. I finished last chemo in end of September. I had my PT Scan and CT scan earlier this week. I have a dr appt tomorrow at 8am to let me know if my cancer is in remission or if I am going to have to do another series of treatment.
I have heavily been relying on my higher power since I have not been posting here. My faith has helped me tremendously. However, tonight I need support. Tonight I need people and people who can help me deal with alcoholic behavior.
My separated AH has been helpful with logistics and caring for the children...he has always done that. But what hurts me tonight is that he said he wanted to be present at my dr appt tomorrow and now that we are at night before, he said tomorrow is no big deal and Im just being deama and he doesnt need to go. He asked me to go! I dont get it!!! Why am I letting him get to me tonight? Ive been not angry for months. Why now am I engaging? Of course tomorrow is important. I have been fighting cancer for almost a year now and he is just minimizing it. My heart hurts so much tonight....
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Hugs, iamthird! I'm so glad to see you back here and with such great news of your possible remission! That's huge, and it's no wonder you are feeling vulnerable right now. Please, do ignore the quacking A behind the curtain. Hand him over to your HP because there is nothing you can do to change him, and there's no comprehending those extreme mood swings. Can you snuggle in bed with your kids tonight, and maybe watch a movie? We're here with you too, of course.
Welcome back!
Wishing you peace,
Fathom
Welcome back!
Wishing you peace,
Fathom
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
I think that he may be afraid, and trying to minimize and handle his fear by downplaying the doctor's visit.
I wouldn't take this personally. He doesn't have a lot of emotional resources or coping strategies, and as the time of the appointment comes close, it may be overwhelming to him so he backs out to avoid it. This behavior is about him, not you. I think that, in taking care of your children and helping with the logistics and unemotional parts of your illness, he may have been doing all that he can do.
It is not enough, but it is something, and he did show up enough to help. You can't get bread from a hardware store, but in this case, he did produce what he could, maybe not enough to nourish, but it was and is something.
I am so glad to hear from you; I have been thinking of you often, and my prayers have been and are with you. Let us know how you are doing. It's funny, we here on SoberRecovery care so much for you, but we can't be present in person, just in spirit. And your AH is the opposite, he can't seem to be present emotionally or spiritually, but he has been there in the logistic rational ways that you've needed help.
May God be with you and with your spirit,
ShootingStar1
I wouldn't take this personally. He doesn't have a lot of emotional resources or coping strategies, and as the time of the appointment comes close, it may be overwhelming to him so he backs out to avoid it. This behavior is about him, not you. I think that, in taking care of your children and helping with the logistics and unemotional parts of your illness, he may have been doing all that he can do.
It is not enough, but it is something, and he did show up enough to help. You can't get bread from a hardware store, but in this case, he did produce what he could, maybe not enough to nourish, but it was and is something.
I am so glad to hear from you; I have been thinking of you often, and my prayers have been and are with you. Let us know how you are doing. It's funny, we here on SoberRecovery care so much for you, but we can't be present in person, just in spirit. And your AH is the opposite, he can't seem to be present emotionally or spiritually, but he has been there in the logistic rational ways that you've needed help.
May God be with you and with your spirit,
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
Half a dozen reasons he ma be acting the wa he is.
None of them reflect upon how you make him feel. None reflect upon the perception of seriousness of your illness and struggle.
He is the one with the problems.
If possible, bring a friend along.
None of them reflect upon how you make him feel. None reflect upon the perception of seriousness of your illness and struggle.
He is the one with the problems.
If possible, bring a friend along.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
(((iamthird)))...I'll be praying for positive news tomorrow at your appointment, and look forward to your update.
I'm with ShootingStar on this...his reaction is not about you, rather it is his inability to process his emotions on this. Breathe and take care of you.
I'm with ShootingStar on this...his reaction is not about you, rather it is his inability to process his emotions on this. Breathe and take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Good to hear from you! My initial thought is the same as others...he's afraid of what the news may be and needed to downplay his need to be there. He just doesn't have the emotional maturity for this stuff, you already know that. Try not to take it personally, it's his problem. Sounds like he has tried to help out in some fashion, which you needed.
Good Luck tomorrow! As you sit in that Dr's office, visualize all of us sitting there with you in spirit.
Good Luck tomorrow! As you sit in that Dr's office, visualize all of us sitting there with you in spirit.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Iamthird,
Imagine that we (hundreds and even thousands of us) are with you at that dr. appt. tomorrow... we care about you and are dependable and steady.
Your XA is not. Don't let him set you up only to let you down over and over... detach, disentangle your lives as much as possible and go no contact about personal issues. We can't get entirely well until they no longer have the power to harm us emotionally by their cruel acts.
You are in my prayers....
Imagine that we (hundreds and even thousands of us) are with you at that dr. appt. tomorrow... we care about you and are dependable and steady.
Your XA is not. Don't let him set you up only to let you down over and over... detach, disentangle your lives as much as possible and go no contact about personal issues. We can't get entirely well until they no longer have the power to harm us emotionally by their cruel acts.
You are in my prayers....
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
It's so good to see your name on the postings today, iamthird! I was just thinking about you yesterday and hoping you were doing all right.
I agree with the above, take a friend with you if anyone is available, and if no one can go on short notice, remember that your guardian angel will be with you. Your faith has deepened profoundly through your ordeals, your spiritual connection to all that is divine is strong. And as hopeworks said, too, the spiritual support of all here will also be with you.
I am sorry your AH has consistently abandoned you in your hour of greatest need over the last year. He steps up occasionally but all too often he pushes away and turns away. It has been a very painful awakening for you, realizing how immature and callous he is. Alcoholics are consistently disappointing. They turn and run as a way of life. We are shocked again and again, and eventually we just give up counting on them.
He does not define you, what he does does not define you. You are beautiful and courageous, so hold your head up and know that.
We will all send prayers to you today.
I agree with the above, take a friend with you if anyone is available, and if no one can go on short notice, remember that your guardian angel will be with you. Your faith has deepened profoundly through your ordeals, your spiritual connection to all that is divine is strong. And as hopeworks said, too, the spiritual support of all here will also be with you.
I am sorry your AH has consistently abandoned you in your hour of greatest need over the last year. He steps up occasionally but all too often he pushes away and turns away. It has been a very painful awakening for you, realizing how immature and callous he is. Alcoholics are consistently disappointing. They turn and run as a way of life. We are shocked again and again, and eventually we just give up counting on them.
He does not define you, what he does does not define you. You are beautiful and courageous, so hold your head up and know that.
We will all send prayers to you today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I AM SO HAPPY TO HEAR! Don't think twice about your AH....always remember that they have to drink to deal with the good, bad, and in between in life, they will rarely be good support for themselves, let alone someone else! ((((HUGS))) and CHEERS - to your health!
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