kjmer

While my join date says I've been here over a year, I've neglected this account as I continued to let my drinking problem spin out of control. 10 years are gone, ages 22-32 have been lost to long nights (every single night) of drowning myself in ridiculous amounts of beer and whiskey, followed by sleep. When I don't have to work the next day, it's 10-11 hours of virtual death, then I wake up, guzzle down water and coffee and start making preparations to do it all over again. In the time that's gone by I've lost a marriage, a job, I'm hanging on to my current job by a thread. All the time that's gone by when most people would've cultivated interests, hobbies, relationships, friendships, career paths. I spent it in the service of King Alcohol.

I'm scared of what the future holds if I go the sober route. How do I fill the long hours? What do I look forward to when I come home at night? I fear I'm trading one misery for another, but at least I don't know where the new misery might lead. I know where the old one leads, and it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to think about.

Thanks for listening.

Johnston

Welcome back to forum.

sugarbear1

it's a much better future than the days and nights with a bottle.....no more ground hog's day!

neferkamichael

Kjmer, actually just get over the fear ASAP and you will be better off faster. I'm 3 years sober now and went through all that and understand where you're coming from. It just gets easier as the days go by. Rootin for ya.

lessgravity

KJ, it can only get better if you stop and it can only get worse if you keep going. I think you know that, as scary as it may seem to never drink again.

There's so much inspiring and informational info on this site, answers for everything you might have worries about.

The line that I got when I got here and I think is the most valuable one is - what's your plan?

workingonwishes

welcome! lots of support here. don't worry too much about the future, just take it one day at a time.

poke around the site, make friends, ask questions.

whatever it is you are looking for, i hope you find it

Melbell

Im on day one again so am by no means a know it all. You asked how you could fill the hours? I think anything would be better than your sentence in your first paragraph "10-11 hours of virtual death". Your description in your first few sentences do not sound fun. But I can relate. I have to keep busy and vigilant. Go for walks, read, watch a movie or cool TV series - there are lots on Netflix, go to a meeting if AA is your thing. There are lots but I understand how king alcohol can seem better than those things at the time - what a lie!!

I know its hard but it can be done. I had two straight years of sobriety so I know it can be done. Good luck to you!!

Peace,
Melbell

doggonecarl

Good that you finally posted. I can understand you being afraid. But sobriety isn't misery. You are scared of the unknown. Your addiction is scared of not getting alcohol.

Don't let fear, or alcohol, rule. Get sober, then worry about what you are going to do with your time.

kjmer

Thanks everyone, lots of stuff I needed to hear. I'm taking the plunge. I'll be sticking around if all goes well.

jaynie04

Hi kjmer and welcome. I read your title, Fear of the Unknown, and then read your post. For me, the reason I quit drinking was more "Fear of the Known", I just couldn't grasp living for much longer the way I had been living.

I knew what drinking was going to get me, I had to believe that there was something more to living than being on that hamster wheel. I am glad you are here!

wakko

IF sobriety was misery I'd still be drinking. There is an absolutely wonderful life waiting for you in sobriety. You replace your old behaviors with new and you will find that just about anything is more fun sober.

For me it took AA because in AA I was taught how to have a happy and fulfilling life all without alcohol.

You didn't get sick in a day and you're not going to get better in one either but if you take it a day at a time you can achieve the gifts of sobriety and realize a life better than anything you could have imagined

wakko

You may wish to see a Doc with experience in alcohol. Withdrawl can be very.serious and even fatal. You can do this as many here can atest to

Hevyn

I'm so glad to meet you kjmer. SR saved me from feeling alone and desperate as I got sober. Everyone here understood what I was going through.

You say you've lost 10 years. For me it was almost 30. Be proud of yourself for seeing what needs to be done and going for it. We know you can do it.

Simka

KJ, all those fears you have are what kept me drinking year after year. What you have to realize is that voice telling you that you will be miserable without alcohol, is a complete lie.

You can do it! A whole new world and a whole new perspective on how you view this world will change once you are sober.

Welcome to SR, and please stick around even if things don't go well.