butterfly2013

Hi everyone,

I'm shaking with anxiety right now, even though I have a million things to do.

My lawyer sent my XABF copies of my declaration plus FB pics I printed from his profile which show him and his wife (the supervisor for visitation with our son) drinking and them two drinking together. In my declaration, I asked for the same custody schedule (1st, 3rd, 5th weekends) but I also asked for alcohol testing and professional visitation since his wife failed to report one incident of him drinking before visitation the night before (court order says he can't do that) and because she admitted to me that she "used to drink too much."

My ex sent me an angry text, he said I am "really EVIL!!!!!" for "trying to take our son away from him" and that I can't judge him because "no one is perfect." Then, as I was saving another screenshot from his Facebook profile, his wife wrote online something about baby moms and "crazy bitches."

Wow. How am *I* the crazy one here!?!? He is the one who got supervised visitation because the court determined he had a drinking problem.

I know their words mean nothing and this will be settled in court, but I hate that this is kicking me off balance.

I need to BREATHE, relax, stay calm, be good to myself and my son. I just feel scared and I just want to cry.

Seren

Hi butterfly!!!

Sorry you are being bombarded. I suggest for now you turn off your phone. Remember, they can both say whatever they want, but you are being a GREAT mom by looking out for your precious son.

You are going to be just fine....ignore the volcanic quacking. Just because they are saying it, doesn't make it true. Remember the source

butterfly2013

Thank you, Seren...yes, turning off phone/stop looking at FB sounds like great idea. They are entitled to their reactions, but once again, their responses show me that I am 100% right in trying to get the best custody arrangement for my son. My ex is still an active alcoholic, I will fight tooth and nail for a custody agreement that protects him to the end.

Recovering2

I think it is completely realistic to expect them to go into attack mode on this. Oh....Well. Their problem. They can drink, party, whatever they want. And if they get caught.....Oh....Well. They're spinning right now because they're not able to look at themselves, so they have to blame you. Oh....Well. They're allowed to have their reaction, doesn't have to change anything you do.

It's not your job to make them happy. It's your job to protect your child. And you are doing a GREAT job with that! Don't take what they're saying personal, it's just the craziness of the disease. Stay centered on you and your son. Those of us on here following your journey applaud your courage.

butterfly2013

Thank you, Recovering2, this brought a smile to my face. Thank you for the support.

butterfly2013

The wife posted on her status "Do I have to kick some ass?" and she said, "Yes, I would but she doesn't have an ass" (which is actually true, I have an apple shaped body haha) and then posed "oh well, gonna have glass of wine."

I don't even...what? Threatening to kick my ass and then talking about drinking???

RhodeIsland

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest, now, this is just a possibility, but I don't know her, some people might determine based on some evidence, that it's not unwarranted to consider that perhaps she she might have a drinking problem, and be immature / low class, and people like that have a reputation, of, not to generalize here, being irrational and belligerent.

I don't know, but I'd screen shot that and see if I could use that to demonstrate a threat. What ever it takes to keep the kids.

oh, and look into setting up a google number for them to call - so it's working just when needed and change the phone number with the cell carrier. No one should have to turn of their phone because of a belligerent ex.

butterfly2013

Thanks, RhodeIsland. Yes, I am very concerned about her possible alcoholism, especially based on her own admission to me that she "used to drink too much" but claimed my actively drinking XABF was helping her reduce her alcohol consumption (errr---I highly doubt that and therefore her judgement). And now her Facebook threats and references to drinking again! Ugh. At the same time, at least it gives me more ammunition for court. She is NOT a suitable moderator for visitation. She is just as deep in denial as my XABF and just plain mean-spirited to boot.

LightInside

Wow. I'm holding your hand as we ride in this boat together. They get mad when they get called out. It's their disease.

thislonelygirl

Save everything! !
And they are the crazy ones.
He chooses alcohol above his son.




Sounds like he chose the right girlfriend lol

BlueSkies1

don't let them get to you--view every nasty thing they post as ammunition for you to use against them.
They are giving it to you...like a gift.
This is war, and they are going to react as if.
I hope you have a good support system. I can only imagine that to separate emotionally from this stuff is very difficult, but if you think like a lawyer for a few seconds--you will see their behavior as simply gifts to you for court.

SparkleKitty

This is evidence that some people are so freaking obsessed with and clueless about Facebook that they cannot stay away from it even when presented with evidence that it is helping someone else BUILD A CASE AGAINST THEM -- they just keep adding fuel to the FB fire.

Capture it all. FB is the rope they will hang themselves with. Sheesh.

lillamy

Babe,
Deep breaths.
Do you have coping techniques to help you deal with anxiety and panic attacks? I've downloaded an app on my phone that has different coping techniques (because when I need them I can never think of one).

Whether you feel it or not, you are doing the right thing in protecting your son. I can feel the anxiety, that's how much I relate to your story. I, too, have been called names and been accused of being an agent of the dark side. It's OK. Just consider the source.

You are protecting your child. Because the other parent is not being a parent. And that is what you are supposed to do as a parent, protect the children.

Florence

1) People that post their personal drama -- especially marital and custody drama -- on Facebook always raise an eyebrow for me. They're showing their a**es Jerry Springer-style.

2) What they think of you isn't your business.
2a) What they think of you... shouldn't matter because they're cray.
2b) Step back and evaluate whether or not you value what someone with this level of self-delusion, opportunistic tendencies, and immature problem-solving skills has to say about your parenting. I suspect not.
2c) Dust your shoulders off and give yourself a little credit for doing the right thing. This isn't a he said/she said issue. They were given a court order and they chose to ignore it AND publicize it. These dummies blame you because you're the closest target other than the idiots looking back at them in the mirror.

3) If FB is going to be part of your defense/custody strategy, don't shut it off yet. But once custody is decided, block these people. You don't want them in your feed or able to look at your pictures either. You would be amazed at how much mental peace is afforded you when you don't get surprise-ambushed by personal stupidity every time you look at the internet.

butterfly2013

Hello SR friends,

I kind of fell off the face of the earth for the last few days due to a multi-day conference I attended and partially helped facilitate. I am writing to express my thanks for all of the support and advice offered here. Thank you

All the comments are right on, especially Florence: "What they think of you is none of your business." ABSOLUTELY! After I calmed down, I also realized, like BlueSkies and SparkleKitty pointed out, that their FB postings will serve to assist my case. *I'm* not the one making threats or boasting about drinking wine to solve problems...

On another note, ever since my ex was given my court paperwork this past Thursday, he has not called. He usually calls once a day to speak with our son, so this is strange. I don't know if he has gone on a bender or what, but again, his behavior is not my problem.

Lastly, yes, lillamy, I do need help regarding how to cope with anxiety. I didn't even think of apps, do you recommend any ones in particular? I am also seeing a counselor tomorrow and will be asking about how to reduce anxiety.

Thanks again, SR, your collective support has helped me in more than you know

NWGRITS

I actually feel giddy when my XH (not an A, just a colossal a-hole) posts his check-ins at fancy bars and restaurants, and how he's taking long road trips when he swears he can't pay child support. I'm glad the state pays postage on my paperwork, because I usually have sheafs of paper just in Dumb Online Postings. Use it to your advantage and look at it as one step closer to a healthier life for both you and your son. (((Hugs)))