JimdiGriz

rather than float in the background like a reluctant ghost I thought Id post, although its only regret, as Ive been drinking again. For goodness sake!!! Just circled the idea of drinking for a while, then of course this indugence leads me to think that a single drink is the most effective way to deal with my generalised anxiety etc etc etc
So a suicidely dark gloomy day of hangover today, (they really do get worse) but Im resolved to beat this.
Theres a direct correlation between the amount of time I spend on the forums and going to AA, and the simple desire to drink..pretty obvious but its taken me some time to work it out
I do struggle to share in the rooms-I know the sharings so important, if not the single thing that will help me sort this out, but some resistance just sits on my shoulders and stops me from opening my mouth-maybe im scared to admit im still drinking when most others in the room seem to have it sorted.
After a difficult couple of years(losing one parent and nursing another, redundancy, scewing up at a new job) my confidence was stripped away, but theres some hope now- 3 interviews forthcoming, some good creative work done on freelance jobs, and my college work is going well, and I have the love and support of a beautiful wife.
thanks everyone, just me rambling

doggonecarl

Welcome back. Meetings can be important, sharing can be important, but the program is working the steps. They are vital if you are making AA your program of recovery.

JadeSatellite

Jimi, I sincerely doubt anyone here would judge you for slipping up or drinking when you are trying to get sober. We are all here because we know it is a journey, a process, and there may be mistakes along the way - slip-ups, relapses, "Just one more!"s.

Believe me, I just lurked around here as a guest for a few months before joining because I felt the same anxiety as you. But once I joined and just let the words flow, it became easier to really let my ego go and become more humble. I allowed myself to own my mistakes, which truly makes them lose any power they have over you.

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time - those stresses can really lead to drinking, I drank to drown away the sorrow and the anxiety of dealing with life. But you seem to have a few great things going for you, so I'd focus on those, and focus on healing yourself and forgiving yourself.

Great to have you back with us!

HeadLump

Welcome back, Jim We're here to provide non-judgemental support and experience

seahorse661

welcome back!

I'd like to second this:
I'm not very comfortable sharing, I think I went to meetings for 3-4 months before I opened my mouth at all. It's also why I prefer a small group. You should get more confortable over time. But meetings alone may not be enough, there needs to be something more - whether it's a 12 step or some other program.

all the best to you

least

Welcome back! Glad you're giving it another go.