Flying4Life

So I had been talking to this guy for a couple of months online thinking I might want to date him. But he kept talking about getting drunk or drinking because he had a rough day. I probably wouldn’t have noticed it much if I wasn’t focusing on my own brand new sobriety but all this talking about drinking was making me nervous. Finally, he told me about how he likes to cuddle up with a glass of whiskey during cold winter days. And I thought to myself, spending time with this guy would be the exact right situation that would push me to start drinking again. In the past, after long (for me) periods of sobriety my downfall has always been the opportunity/pressure to drink with someone I really like and who’s company I enjoy.

I am going to quit talking to him because I don’t need to be investing my time and effort into something that is going to hurt me in the long term. This is revolutionary for me because I am not used to putting my own needs first, especially not with men. This time right now is for me to get myself and my life straightened out. I just know that with barely a month of sobriety under my belt I am not strong enough to resist that level of temptation.

I am kind of bummed about it, but I am trying to have faith that someone better for me will come along when the time is right. Maybe I just don’t have time for romance right now. Maybe getting well and finishing school is enough on my plate for today.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Flying4Life!

IMHO - right decision. You certainly don't need another pain in some part of your body to be added at you plate)

Focus on romance with your sobriety, your true self, and re-discovered life, and new romances will follow)

Best wishes to you>

Toomutch

I have to agree... Dating this man could and more than likely would ruin your sobriety. Good luck ending things with him and focusing on your sobriety and school.

crosscountry3

You don,t need that kind of pressure in your sobriety..............Concentrate on you....

wakko

I second this. When you can take care of yourself you may be ready for someone else. Good job on protecting your sobriety. You may wish to read the Jan 6th reading in the 24 hrs a day

LadyBlue0527

Excellent post! Your subject line jumped right out at me because it's the top priority no matter the position. I think that I alluded to that in another post when someone was questioning what to tell people when they were asked why they weren't drinking. Some say don't lie, I say do whatever is necessary to protect your sobriety. You own it, it belongs to you and no one else, don't let anyone take it from you.

I find this line interesting

After almost 5 months and a lot of soul searching I realized that the only requirement that I had for friendship before I quit was that they had to like to drink. All the rest was secondary. Now that you look back at that do you think it's possible that you may have put yourself in the position to drink by saying that you really liked the person or enjoyed their company?

Not that it matters because you recognize where your downfall was and are unwilling to put yourself in that position now. I just like discovering things that I never saw before until now. It helps me to understand how far reaching my addiction was which makes me more vigilant in watching for those signs and avoiding them. Sounds like you're doing the same!

13unluckyforsom

Being sober makes you realise as you say how far reaching the addiction goes - even when I was still doing things like going to concerts or out for meals - it was always underpinned by alcohol. That's crazy! I'd buy alcohol and go out for the meal - itching to get home and wasted. You might be going through the motions of 'normal socialising' but really, it's insane.

I think this is very wise for you and mature - although emotions can be very strong it's so wonderful when we can step out the picture. Trust your instinct. I have got in so much trouble from ignoring mine - its taken me so long to realise that I flipping well AM enough - as are you! Love will find you when you are ready for it. Don't go looking - that will attract all the wrong people. Just work on being the best most positive healthy minded person and watch your world change your doing great very well done

Flying4Life

So glad that I discovered this site! In order to be healthy and have a chance at happiness I need to change so much in my life. The first thing is to maintain my sobriety, I cannot do any of my inner work if I am drinking. I am just so grateful to have all of you wonderful people supporting me along the way as I do what needs to be done to be well.

wiscsober

You made the right decision...I would take pride in the act.

As you said sobriety first....

Romance won't get me or keep me sober...
Like many good positive things that happen to me
In living sober I will find the healthy romance.

Patience isn't a virtue I was born with...but certainly attained in sobriety.