Erratic

this past days i havent stayed away from drink. I had some good appointmerts but i f**** up again.

Had alcohol services yesterday which actually went well.

Today ive drank and i have my daughters social worker coming, alsoi phoned in my work im not goiing in.

At this moment i hate myself even though my husband knows. Really not sure what to do or how to feel.

Guess i better feel better than i do.

longbeachone

Sorry you're having such a hard time. What are alcohol services? Also, if you feel comfortable talking about it, why does your daughter have a social worker?

SkyeSea

Yikes - you sound like me, if there's no mess around, I'll create one to walk straight into.
Not sure what to suggest re: social worker but if you've been drinking enough so it's noticeable then best thing to do is fess up over it (s/he'll notice anyway and it'll look worse)

Really stuck about what to say - sending you hugs though x

MidnightBlue

Hi, Erratic.

Sorry to hear you are struggling that much.

May I ask what your triggers for drinking are? Do you have some support other than SR?

Self-hatred goes nowhere, believe me, I have a black-belt in self-beating and self-hatred.

You still can make changes now - put down drink. Tomorrow will be a new day.

Best wishes to you. Stay strong.

Toomutch

Sounds like you're having a hard time committing as so many of us do. Just think about how many problems your drinking is creating. A sober life is so much better! Hopefully you will get to the point soon realizing drinking is no longer working for you. Nothing good will come of continuing on this way.

Erratic

Yup, drinik is not workiing.Finding mysel getting into sitiutions which normaly would be fine.

Social worker for my daughter s down to past 2 yrs is she has become angry and that is down to me and she hates that im drinking. since i went into hospital and then did another week sober, she became normal as much a teenager does. however me drinking which i have started is i have sneeked and she doesnt know. I feel guilty that im doing this. It hasnt changed.

I have alchole service which is going to work on my anxiety and meds to help. So im really hoping that i fight this.

lessgravity

Erratic, I looked back and saw you were reaching out for help over 8 years ago for the same reasons. As you probably know, things are only going to continue to get harder and worse when you quit.

What are you going to do this time that's different?

afloatsober

Hey.
Don't kid yourself that your daughter don't know.
They all do in the end.
If your drinking is costing you more than money, time to quit.
Wishing you WELL.
Gx

soberclover

It appears that you are describing the negative ripple effects that drinking is having in your life as it is impacting other people and things. Alcoholism is truly a family issue as it isn't really a matter of just our drinking. When we drink we get drunk and our family suffers. Unfortunately there are no happy endings with this type of story.

longbeachone

Thanks for the info. I should've seen that you're in Scotland...I've heard that term used from another Scot recently. You are fortunate because here in the States it all comes down to medical insurance (who knows what will happen now that Obamacare has started).

If you keep up this secret drinking, your daughter WILL FIND OUT. And when she does, the fragile trace of trust you've put together will fly right out the window. So you need to decide how important this is. Important enough to put down the bottle. Believe me, I know that the alcohol is trying to convince you that it's okay, that you can get away with it. We've all done the same dance with the devil. You must learn to fight back. And win.

None of this is going to really sink in while you're under the influence. When you're sober, think about how to really stop for good. It's going to be hard, and probably unpleasant. But it's not fatal, and if you can do it, maybe you'll have a chance to fix this mess, and have the kind of relationship with your daughter that you both deserve.