DoubleDragons

I almost hate to write this - my other hand is knocking on my wood desk right now, however, I just feel something deep in my gut that I am done with alcohol. I didn't come to SR with the intention to quit drinking. I actually came with questions about my mom's drinking, but you all were able to see through my BS and call me on it (and I love that part of SR), as far as how hard moderation was for me.

I have never tried to quit before, so I almost feel like a relapse is inevitable. For those of you who have long time sober periods under your belt, when did you know you had solidly made the choice to be sober and stay sober??

Thanks in advance.

Dee74

I didn't know to begin with ...I just knew that I would die if I didn't stop.
I expected sobriety to be a kind of second best existence.

But the longer I stayed sober the more I reconnected with a me I'd forgotten about, and a life I wanted to lead.

Within a few months staying sober was no longer a chore - it was what I wanted to be

D

IOAA2

DD I got to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired with all my failed attempt after being AROUND AA for about 2 tears. I finally was taught to be honest about my drinking and needed to have the desire to stop for MYSELF. Many years later it's still working. BE WELL

RevivingOphelia

--frequency and amount of alcohol increased (I was a binge drinker--about three times a week - approx. 2 bottles of wine at a time)

--I was in a hellish cycle of drinking/hangover...one or two days of rest...drinking/hangover

--the hangovers became THE WORST--anxiety through the roof every morning after a binge

--the constant thoughts of when...maybe I could tonight? I haven't drank in a couple of days...then I would drink and KNOW there was no way I was stopping at a few.

--health--physical crappiness and emotional health affected (off anti-anxiety drugs now that I'm sober)

--work...morning hangovers prevented the ability to my best at my job

Overall, I realized that I never WAS a *normal* drinker. I ALWAYS drank to get drunk. It was never going to change. I had to change. I had to cut it completely.

13unluckyforsom

I can't answer long term but for me it was a gradual thing that I needed to be 100% certain that I didn't want to drink anymore. I also found it helpful to look at my excuses that my addictive brain was using against me to say it was ok to drink 'no wonder I drank' 'I deserved a drink' after all x,y,z 'who wouldn't drink' the truth is like you say this place and these people are 'our' people lol they will call us out on our BS and they won't let us excuse it. It's not ok.

What's helping me and I'm only a couple of days in but I feel relief from the burden - I have been reading lots about mindfulness and NLP and having emotional boundaries and realising that I can either do the work so as my beast brain has no excuses for drinking or I can roll over and play dead. Then die. That's the reality. It's just far better to be sober and have the clarity to see what's in front if you and just deal with things. There's no point running - you won't get anywhere and the harder and faster you run and try to 'get away' the more trips you will have, the more tired you will get.

LDT

Having my adult daughters seeing me in detox pretty much did it for me. I knew I had to be done.

13unluckyforsom

I hope this doesn't come across in the wrong way but I can see how this could aid you in your journey but I tend to think - and it's just an opinion - but you really need to get sober for you. It's not fair to say to people 'I'm doing this for you' it's a lot of pressure in saying that to someone. I understand the incentive is a great one but 100% it has to be for you.

wakko

Alcoholism is progressive it only gets worse. You know you are done when you decide that you do not wish to destroy your life anymore than you already have.

I do not believe that relapse is not inevitable this is just one of the many lies that alcoholism tells you. I do believe that you have to in your very soul believe that you can never drink like other people. I also believe that will power alone almost never works. Whether it is AA, professionals, some of the nonsecular or all of the above it has to be something outside yourself.

As many will a test the decision you have made is the most of the important decision you will ever make because your very life depends on the outcome.

FBL

I was laying in the emergency room, questioning my own sanity, when a little light went off in my brain and I knew I was done drinking for good.

resolute50

It was a combination of things.
I personally know at least 3 people that have died from alcohol related illnesses.
And a fourth I seen a week before I quit that looked like he was well on his way.

I tried quiting a few times and got to day five or six and would fall again. My body was going nuts from the detox and then detox and then over again. I have high blood pressure and type 2 diabeties to boot. I would monitor my blood pressure during detoxing and would be shocked at how high it got. Blood sugar was all over the place.
I just knew it was going to kill me of I didn't stop. I would always think to myself "what a rotten way to die,wasted".

I strung a few sobriety weeks together and found this site while searching for natural methods and vitamins to help my cause. It's helped me a lot to connect with people that have been through the same things I have ensured.
And now I'm 76 days clean and sober,and not looking back.

Blood pressure back to normal and blood sugar is much better.

miamifella

I do not think anyone really makes the decision to be done with drinking once and for all. In AA they say you cannot decide to stop drinking forever--you can only decide to not drink today. You just make that decision one day at a time.

I think if you look for a big decision, that is just a way to keep on drinking. As you say, relapse seems inevitable so who can possibly make such a choice. But rather making a decision to get through today without drinking, then tomorrow, then the day after etc....well eventually those days will add up. And the decision will become a daily habit.

You can't decide forever. You can only decide now.

joshlyman

when I realized that my depression, anxiety, shame, paranoia, constant embarrassment were ALL a result of my drinking and the only direction things could have gone was down

crosscountry3

When I had a 4 day black out..........I knew I had to quit for good.Went in to a 30 day treatment center.

When I got out I was so scared that I went to 180 meeting,s in 90 day,s............It worked for me.

freshstart57

You only need to quit once. Relapse is NOT inevitable, and not part of recovery, it's part of drinking.

Like 13Unlucky, I understood I could keep drinking, or I could have a life worth living, but I could not have both. And that was the end of my drinking.

DrakeCKC

I had a low point and an embarrassing situation where I was asked to leave a concert hall because I had passed out. I was drunk on my tail and miserable. What the people around me did not know is that was supposed to be my last concert (I love classical music and it was the local symphony) and I was going to kill myself in the next few days.

For some reason, the public humiliation woke me up. I had my last cocktail that night, yes I had one more... and I never looked back. I knew I had really quit when I went with some friends to the local pub I frequented and ordered club soda all night and enjoyed it.

Drinking only fueled my paranoia, depression and low self esteem. And I decided it was not going to do that any longer.

13unluckyforsom

I found deciding every day was really hard - every day waking up and fighting with the demon to determine if I was going to drink or not it was taking me all day and way too much head space concentrating on sobriety. It was too hard. Some people may find it easier to just make a one time decision that 'this is it' in turn recognising that after making the decision that any thought contrary or any thought that suggests drinking or future use of alcohol is our addictive beast/nature/voice whatever you chose to call that whiny pathetic feet stamping voice in your head that says 'oh just one your goldfish died you'll feel better' you absolutely won't because nothing good ever came of drinking for anyone on here. So just laugh at it. Your in charge. If you don't physically move then it's always only going to be a thought. And like anything in life if it causes us distress then just let it go. Don't entertain that conversation in your head.

Word up lol

Mountainmanbob

I played with sobriety many times during my life

but

once in my fifties and experiencing

blackouts for the first time (doing dangerous things) (ending up in jail) etc.
the world was becoming a deep fog
no drivers license (yet again)
a sweet wife who wondered (where did my husband go ?)
a very disappointed Pastor at our church

this time I was very serious about getting and staying sober
spent much time in meetings, with sponsor, church etc etc

also stopped taking my prescription pills
which were truly not needed
I used to stroke the doctors for what I wanted
then mix those pills with my beer for the buzz
((as I look back a very sick way in which to live))

sobriety is the best life for the man on top the mountain today

Mountainman

alphaomega

I realized how completely exhausting alcoholism was.

The planning, sneaking, barfing, anxiety, sickness, illness, fighting, crying, self loathing, recovering, ruminating, shame, guilt, buzzing, chasing, worrying, fleeing, running.

It consumed my whole life.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

13unluckyforsom

Lol I ain't got time for that either. I love how you said that ha! Sooo true - I was zombified by it lol

LadyBlue0527

I'm only at about 5 months but wanted to reply. This is my 4th long term attempt with many short term attempts (making it from Monday to Friday) in between. The most I have made it before was 90 days. I'm an expert at quitting but not getting sober. Until now.

Two things that have been present this time that were never present before are the following.

1. I quit for ME and not for anyone else, they just get the benefits of me quitting. I never understood what quitting for me meant until this time. Doing this removed the possibility of me resenting someone else because I couldn't drink therefore allowing me to pick up because I was only doing it for them. All that I had to do was to invent any reason to be mad at them for something and I could rescind my commitment to not drink. Invent I did too, all the time.

2. I made the conscious decision that no matter the circumstance there would be no acceptable excuse to drink. I don't care what my mind said to me it wasn't going to happen. Never, no choice involved.

Have I had a few rough moments? Absolutely. Even to this day I periodically think back to my early days of drinking and think about the good times. I also quickly remind myself of the end days. That's exactly what they were too. When I start romanticizing and reminiscing I quickly refer back to #2. I am allowed to think about those days but never, under any circumstance, allowed to entertain the thought of actually taking that first drink. There is NO choice. I can't drink.

I know I'm still early in sobriety but this is the happiest and most content I have been ever when quitting. The further I get away from the last drink and the more I get my sobriety legs under me the more I enjoy it.

Anyone can do this. Is it hard, yes. Still, anyone can do it.