i cant stop crying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: canada
Posts: 2
i cant stop crying
i am new to this -35 year old daughter is an alcoholic -never knew - hid it from everyone -only been drinking seriously out of control for 8 months -she is a professional person -very smart -beautiful -has a great job
husband left her 2 years ago -she hasnt dealt with the grief -the loss of her identity -her family -her best friend- father of her kids - so it has thrown her for a loop -she accepted she was in a bad place -went into detox aug 26th -stayed sober for 11 days - got accepted to rehab -there now and is having a terrible hard time dealing with the fact she will never be able to drink again -
she wants to leave this friday and just go and have a few beer - and i cant help her -she is too far away - i dont know what to do -and i cant stop crying
husband left her 2 years ago -she hasnt dealt with the grief -the loss of her identity -her family -her best friend- father of her kids - so it has thrown her for a loop -she accepted she was in a bad place -went into detox aug 26th -stayed sober for 11 days - got accepted to rehab -there now and is having a terrible hard time dealing with the fact she will never be able to drink again -
she wants to leave this friday and just go and have a few beer - and i cant help her -she is too far away - i dont know what to do -and i cant stop crying
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 186
Tell her she needs to tell her counselors those feelings. That is why she is at rehab - to talk about her feelings and issues - especially if she's already making plans to go out and drink after she gets out of rehab.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by pinkdog 
Hi can'tstopcrying, welcome to SR. Stick around. You can get good support here. Also check out al-anon.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by cantstopcrying
she wants to leave this friday and just go and have a few beer
we need to pray for her to hit a bottom
she sounds to not be there yet
a prayer to hit bottom and live through it
MB
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi and welcome cantstopcrying.
I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find support and understanding here.
I think it must be the loneliest job in the world being the parents or the loved one of an addict or alcoholic - I hope you'll also check out our Family and Friends forums here too
D
I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find support and understanding here.
I think it must be the loneliest job in the world being the parents or the loved one of an addict or alcoholic - I hope you'll also check out our Family and Friends forums here too
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi—welcome to SR. You certainly have come to the right place. You'll find a lot of folks on the Friends and Family forums who know exactly what you're going through. And you are going through something, too, not just your daughter. As a dad I understand that you are 100% focused on her, but you need to look out for yourself too, including getting support. You'll find plenty here, I know.
I wish your daughter were here, too. If she were, I'd tell her that I know how she feels. Sobriety seemed like this huge sacrifice. I imagined life being unbearably stressful and tedious without alcohol. But you know what? It just seemed that way because I was still in the bubble of addiction, where up is down and the problem looks like the solution. Now I realize I wasn't sacrificing anything worth keeping. This is what I was giving up: pain, secrecy, isolation, regret, obsession. Not to mention all the health problems that I avoided. It turns out this recovery business isn't about giving stuff up, it's about getting stuff back. Really good stuff, like freedom, pride, and hope. That's what I'd tell your daughter.
Good for you, reaching out. The folks here sure gave me encouragement when I needed it most.
I wish your daughter were here, too. If she were, I'd tell her that I know how she feels. Sobriety seemed like this huge sacrifice. I imagined life being unbearably stressful and tedious without alcohol. But you know what? It just seemed that way because I was still in the bubble of addiction, where up is down and the problem looks like the solution. Now I realize I wasn't sacrificing anything worth keeping. This is what I was giving up: pain, secrecy, isolation, regret, obsession. Not to mention all the health problems that I avoided. It turns out this recovery business isn't about giving stuff up, it's about getting stuff back. Really good stuff, like freedom, pride, and hope. That's what I'd tell your daughter.
Good for you, reaching out. The folks here sure gave me encouragement when I needed it most.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
to SR! You'll find lots of support here. Do take a look at our friends and family forum for additional support.Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"there now and is having a terrible hard time dealing with the fact she will never be able to drink again."
may be harsh, but that's not true and reading this:
"she wants to leave this friday and just go and have a few beer."
she can drink any time she wants to.
now onto you:
even if you were close, theres prolly nothing you could do to help. her being in rehab now tells me you haven't been able to help. she has to want help.
the best thing you can do for her and for you is to let her use the people that are in rehab to help her.
you can also help her by helping yourself and getting into some support like al anon.
may be harsh, but that's not true and reading this:
"she wants to leave this friday and just go and have a few beer."
she can drink any time she wants to.
now onto you:
even if you were close, theres prolly nothing you could do to help. her being in rehab now tells me you haven't been able to help. she has to want help.
the best thing you can do for her and for you is to let her use the people that are in rehab to help her.
you can also help her by helping yourself and getting into some support like al anon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: perth Western Australia
Posts: 132
You will have to love her from afar. I tried stopping a few times, until the consequences of every relapse got more and more severe. I also didn't want to face a life without alcohol and wanted 'just one more" and its never just one. She has to find it for herself.... and want it for herself more than anything, not just a bit.
Get support for yourself..... I feel for the people who watched me try a bit and fail (of course) and sink to lower depths until I finally stopped. they were completely powerless...
I send all the support in the world your way
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: canada
Posts: 2
her resolve is wavering
thanks so much for the words of your story - i think i need to understand the addict brain so i can try to make sense of a rational smart woman rationalizing her self destruction -she knows up is up but it doesnt make a difference - why is that -i was a psychiatric nurse for 40 years and although i have all the experience with mental illness -alcoholism was never considered a disease back in my time - and i have never had to deal with this addict brain thing - drinking was a way to forget the other things that were bothering you - never considered that excessive drinking is why things went south fast - what i am trying to say is i have read alot since august -i want to embrace the world my daughter has stepped into but i have never met an alcoholic and spoke to them - i am going to find some al anon groups and see if hearing their stories helps me more - prob is location - i am 60 miles outside of any major city so the access may be more difficult -do you have a good book title you can suggest for the story of a an alcolic - want as much detail as poss - thanks
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Codependent No More, by Melody Beaty-
She is a recovered alcoholic, and tells her story while writing about the futility of being a codependent. It is a wonderful book, read by millions, and very very helpful. I almost feel it a Bible of sorts, and go to it when times are hard. It gives you power to deal, heal, and help in ways you can.
I too have an alcoholic adult child. That is why I am here, and I get support that keeps me sane.
hugs and good wishes,
chicory
She is a recovered alcoholic, and tells her story while writing about the futility of being a codependent. It is a wonderful book, read by millions, and very very helpful. I almost feel it a Bible of sorts, and go to it when times are hard. It gives you power to deal, heal, and help in ways you can.
I too have an alcoholic adult child. That is why I am here, and I get support that keeps me sane.
hugs and good wishes,
chicory
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