missnewby

here to introduce. this is all new to me. thought if I reached out to people possibly feeling the same way as me, could be beneficial.

alcohol is my choice, daily, too much of it. it's my escape. kind of sad because I have a good home-life. it's just taken over. needless to say, kind of sad these days. hoping just to connect with people that can maybe relate.

I feel like I want help, but wishing I could just get a grip on the situation rather than re-hab.

thanks for your shared thoughts.

Br00ksie

So glad you found SR! I'm a newbie as well, and SR has helped tremendously in terms of my sobriety.

What is your definition of getting "a grip on the situation"? Prior to turning 30 (actually at 21), I knew I was an alcoholic but I was not ready to give up partying, so for 9 years I made MANY, MANY attempts to moderate/control my drinking (I.e. Giving myself a limit, drinking water, switching types of alcohol).

Gradually my drinking worsened, and each attempt to moderate and appear "normal" ended with me being a wasted mess. Finally, at 30, after many physical and moral hangovers and much embarrassment, I decided that complete sobriety was my only option.

My life has changed for the better since I made that decision, as I do not go to a lot of places (bars/clubs) that I would go when I was drinking. I am also making new, sober friends who, like me, tend to avoid places/situations involving drugs and alcohol. All that being said, you have to come to sobriety on your own terms. You may be ready, and you may not be.

Regardless, there is a LOT of support on this website- positive reinforcement when you succeed, and wisdom, encouragement and support when you fail or are having a difficult time.

Welcome and good luck, missnewby!!

missnewby

Thanks for your input.

I have always been a drinker, but more fun-social. Lately it's to take the edge off in the morning, a few shots before doing something socially. Sadly, I rarely even go out. I have a lot of friends but just kind of keep to myself these days.

My friends drink, my family drinks (wine - socially), my husband drinks - socially. It's fun to have some wine at home with him though while cooking dinner, etc. I just tend to over do it. If I could just limit myself to socially drinking (not alone - shameful) and not getting wasted, then I feel like I would be ok.

I feel like I may be depressed or something these days that is driving me to drink much more often. A few recent breakdowns to my best friend, she had no idea. I've been hiding it well!

So, I guess that's what I mean to get a grip, just do it socially. Maybe it's not possible. It's also shameful to me to have to admit that I have a problem to all my friends & family....even though I know they would support.

I'm sure many have been in this same boat.

So, that's it I guess for now....I'm happy to be on here. Kind of feels good to vent with people that I know can most likely relate!

least

to SR! It is the hope of many alcoholics to one day drink 'socially'. I tried to moderate my intake but it never worked. I just can't drink normally so I can't drink at all.


It took me too many tries but I finally got and stayed sober. It's worth the effort.

83mama0f2

I can completely relate. I just turned 30 and finally made the choice to give it up for good. This is my first attempt and hopefully my only. I have 2 kids and have a comfy life. No reason to be stressed about much of anything. For years I chocked it up to stress and being unhappy in my marriage, with the relationship with my kids, etc... And that was certainly part of it but now that everything is sorted out and we are doing better than ever, I still had a problem with alcohol. I believe it was also making me depressed and that contributed to the continued drinking. I tried to get a grip on it for years. It's not quantity, I've learned... It's how alcohol effects you. I started to feel controlled by it even with my many attempts at moderation. Never worked

Br00ksie

I COMPLETELY empathize! You will find that basically everyone on this site can relate to your situation/feelings about drinking in one way or another.

Two years ago when I decided to attend my first AA meeting I felt ashamed, too. It was my first attempt at sobriety, and I told my family and that I was "taking a break" from alcohol. That "break" turned into my resuming social drinking, which eventually escalated to "wasted." Trying (and failing) to control my drinking for YEARS was exhausting, and I feel liberated in my sobriety.

We all have our own paths and I am not here to tell you that you must be sober, but I will tell you that it makes life a LOT less complicated!

Dee74

hi and welcome missnewby

You;ll find a lot of approaches here - some people here used rehab some did nto.
Have you tried anything yourself besides trying to stop on your own?

D

Anna

Welcome!

If you decide to stop drinking, we are here for support.

Rehab is not necessarily the only way to go, but it's always a good idea to talk to your dr before you stop drinking.

missnewby

Thanks. Umm...no, haven't really tried anything to stop other than telling myself too....but that hasn't got that far.

What are some other options that you know of? I thought joining here could help....maybe going to an AA meeting. I feel like if I surround myself more with people that I can relate it may be easier to vent, if I have an urge.....etc.

missnewby

well said. good for you. thanks for sharing. how are the aa meetings? i'm pretty shy, do you have to get involved or can you just sit and listen? i'm obviously trying to avoid rehab if possible. could be better for me but I just don't feel up for it right now and taking off for 30 days. I found a bunch of aa meetings in my area (surprising how many there are!) but some are in houses, churches....don't really know where to go. do I just show up at the door?

haven't looked around much on this site but do people talk about urges to drink/use (whatever the case may be) and people can chime in and maybe support you not to do that. I'm so new to this.... If most people are sober on here....don't know if it's appropriate for me to talk about my urges to drink? Or even if I do drink and feel bad about it?

escapist

This is a very appropriate place to talk about urges. You will find people understand and try to encourage you to get through it without judging you. Dee has a link to an article called urge surfing I think. You can do it.

Br00ksie

Most people on here are (both successfully and unsuccessfully) trying to navigate sobriety, so no one is going to judge you!

I'm ALL for going to AA! I'm in the process of attending 90 meetings in 90 days, but (as I said earlier) it took me a while to get to that point. AA can be a lot for a shy newbie. I suggest INITIALLY looking for a meeting in a place where the population is similar to the demographic that you're most comfortable around. (i.e. If you're young and white, start with a meeting in an area where you know a lot of young, white people live).

This is just a suggestion based on my personal experience! Now that I've been to more meetings, I enjoy meetings with all different types of people and gain as much insight from the 60 year-old black male with 22 years sober as I do from the young white kid fresh out of rehab.

By NO means do you have to speak at a meeting, but you will most likely have the opportunity to share that you are at a meeting for the first time. Know that if you speak up, you will most likely be approached during/after by those who want to express their support.

It helps to go with an open mind and heart, which was hard for me at first. I came to welcome the support, and eventually started exchanging numbers with well-meaning people who wanted to support me in my sobriety, and some of those people are quickly becoming friends!

Just go and listen- to the speaker and your heart- and if you are moved to share, then don't hold back! If you feel like remaining silent, that's totally fine also!

roomsforall

Hi! I think you've made a good decision by reaching out. Urges to drink are a very common topic here!

I just wanted to say that I am also very shy, and I have attended/sometimes attend AA meetings. Sometimes it can be stressful and sometimes it can come as a huge relief. My advice is really to try out different meetings. Each one has its own atmosphere, some are very distinct.

missnewby

thanks. what do you mean stressful? like the instructor will point you out to tell your story? stuff like that? or just the intensity of it all? is it scary to me.

Br00ksie

Like all new experiences, AA can be stressful because: A. You don't know anyone, and B. it is hard to admit/face the fact that you're an alcoholic, let alone admit it in a room full of strangers.

BUT-The more you go, the more comfortable you will become!

A couple of weeks ago I was at a friends house after her baby shower in a foreign city where everyone (except her, of course) was drinking wine. I LOVE wine and ended up having to excuse myself, and asked my friend's husband if he would mind taking me to a meeting that was close by. AS SOON as I walked into the meeting, which was filled with a bunch of people I had never seen before who lived in a different city than my own, I felt a sense of relief!

For me, there is something inexplicably comforting about being around people who empathize with my addiction/alcoholism. At this point in my recovery, I feel closer to some of the people I have encountered at meetings than I do to people who I drank with for years!

roomsforall

Well, there is no instructor and no one will force you to speak. Yes, it can be intensely emotional at first... I think there are very few, if any, alcoholics that are comfortable talking about their problem at the start.

As someone who is shy, has social anxiety and is also an introvert by nature... The meetings felt really difficult at first. I have to remind myself to relax and let go of my self-consciousness, and then I am okay. There's really nothing there to be afraid of if you compare it to the alternative. There's no requirement to share or socialize.

If you've never been, I highly suggest checking it out. Even if you don't "work the program," as they say, you will at least know more about a huge resource should you need it in the future.

missnewby

thank you very much. yes, situations like make me want to drink before to get courage to speak if needed. glad I don't have to, if I don't want. but i'm nervous. as i'm sure everyone was. I need to check it out. hopefully tomorrow....hopefully sober.

roomsforall

That sounds like a excellent plan. I hope you'll be back tomorrow to give an update.

missnewby

feeling sad. can't sleep. had some drinks tonight, feeling guilty. I just wish I could stay sober for a day! why is that so hard?

smac2166

I could not stop for more than a day at a time. My therapist and doctor put me on Anabuse and at day 14 it is the only thing keeping me from drinking. Are you seeing anyone?