Syd

Hello, all.

I'm married to an alcoholic who, based on what I've read online, seems to be in end stage. We live in a small town, and he fears people will find out about his addiction if he goes to AA or if I go to Al-Anon. Hence, I feel terribly alone. I stumbled upon the site and couldn't resist registering.

I know there's a lot to look over here, so I'll probably just lurk for a while. Looking forward to taking in all the advice and information here.

Ladybg0111

hey! In November it will be the two year anniversary of my divorce. He is an addict and we have three kids which he has not seen in two years. I have good days and bad days dealing with all of this so I decide to try this site out because it is hard for people to relate to my situation or understand it.

doggonecarl

Welcome Syd and Ladybg. We have an active Friends and Family section. I hope you will visit for shared experience and support:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Syd, if your A is end stage, don't people already know? Don't let that keep you from Al-Anon. Recovering from living with and loving an alcoholic is for you. He can choose not to seek recovery.

Syd

I hear ya, Ladybg0111. It's definitely hard for people to understand what you're going through if they haven't gone through it themselves. I hope you have more good days than bad, and I hope you find some comfort here.

Syd

Thanks for the welcome and the link, doggonecarl.

As for the question about whether or not people know, I'm sure many suspect it, but he's good at keeping secrets. As far as I know, only 4 people (none of whom work with him) are aware of this. When he was hospitalized, he told his employer he was there for a heart condition.

And about going to Al-Anon, I wish it were as easy as just deciding to go. He says it's his problem, not mine, and so there shouldn't be any reason for me to go to a group just so I can complain about him.

pinkdog

Hi Syd, welcome. I hope you put recovery above anything else. Best wishes to you both.

doggonecarl

You will definitely benefit from reading through the many posts on the F & F forum. I know it seems difficult now to put your recovery ahead of what your husband thinks. But I think you will gain strength from the support here to do just that.

Syd

Thanks, pinkdog and doggonecarl. I appreciate the support. I've already been reading some F&F threads, and I can already tell it will be quite helpful.

SkyeSea

Welcome to SR Syd

wakko

Welcome. Alcoholism is a family disease and you are suffering the effects. Unfortunately you can not fix him but that does not mean you need to suffer in silence. The last thing your husband wants you to do is to go to Alanon because that threatens his drinking. His drinking is his drinking your happiness is your happiness. In my view the two are separate issues.

In Alanon you will learn how to set healthy boundaries and how to support without enabling. Most important you will learn how to be happy again and be surrounded by people who understand your situation.

My wife went to Alanon for a while and thought it was very good. I was in recovery when she went but it helped her understand that she was not alone.

I am sorry for your situation and it breaks my heart to think of all of the pain and suffering I caused while I was drinking.

Be strong and seek out the help you need.

Ladybg0111

Thank you all for the welcomes! Ever since the divorce I have not been able to get to sleep until after midnight or later so maybe I can come on here and clear my mind.

robgt350

hay welcome, join and look around, go to the chat room