NeedSomeHappy

Hello all, just wanted to vent a bit. Maybe some of you can relate?

I took my 13 year old baby girl kitty Gracie to the vet for a recheck yesterday, and she is worse - her chest is filling with fluid around her lungs and heart, and we can't figure out why. I will likely have to put her down in the next week or so, and it just devastated me. She has been with me through so much, and she really is my baby. I cried the whole way home, and once I got home, I sat on the couch. AH hugged me and said he was there for me, and would always be there for me...then he went and popped 2 muscle relaxers and poured a huge glass of wine. How is he supposed to be there for anyone when he is like that?

I sat there and watched tv for a while. I noticed the empty port bottle in the trash, and then the empty box wine. I counted 4 glasses (about 12oz each I think) between 6 and 10, with a break in there for cooking/eating dinner. Then I got up to get ready for bed, and when I laid down he came in and asked 'What's wrong?'

.............................seriously??

I say 'you KNOW what's wrong' and he says 'oh, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't anything else.' How thoughtful and considerate.

Then he proceeds to start crying and saying how he feels like he has missed so much time, that he can only remember one of the 2 Christmases we had together, and only one of the almost-3 birthdays etc...I didn't think my bringing up the fact that alcoholism warps your sense of time and affects your memory would be helpful just then.

I was, and am, angry at so many things about that whole situation, but the last thing I thought as I fell asleep that night was 'you aren't the center of attention so you had to think of a way to be pitied?? Loser!!' I mean I am sure there is truth in what he said but...manipulate much?

BlueSkies1

Forget about him for now.

Your poor kitty! I had a girl that I had for 13 years, she died similarly. It sounds very much like renal failure when their organs shut down like that and they are unable to process fluids through those organs.
For five days she laid in the corner. Their senses shut down with this, and she didn't react to being petted, nor look up with loud sounds, things like that.
I think their senses shut down as their bodies protect their minds from the physical pain.

Hold your girl, one last time and talk to her, and make a decision based on about how much pain you think she is in.

Bet when he said he wanted to make sure it wasn't anything else, he was assuming you were upset about the cat, and wasn't even thinking about his drinking, but then again, I don't know him.
What I do know is that you are starting the grieving process for your cat. You have to let yourself feel.
I lost my girl of 13 years 4 years ago. 2 weeks ago my male curmudgeon went outside and never came home. Yesterday I visited one shelter, today I'm visiting another.

My girl is buried beneath the best looking scotch pine I have ever seen. It's in my yard, and the white house would drool to have it for Christmas. It must be 300 ft. tall. It's so stately, tall, and strong, without saying a word. So was she.

NeedSomeHappy

If I could hug you, I would. Thank you so much for that....truly.

I don't know that she is in pain, but she is breathing hard because she can't take full breaths due to the fluid...and I don't want her slowly suffocating. She is still eating and enjoying pets, so that's positive, but she seems to be going downhill quickly. I gave her some tuna (one of her favorites) last night, and she ate heartily. She was in my lap for a while last night while I was watching tv, and I took in every detail I could of her. She is a beautiful girl and the best friend I ever had. I have 2 other kitties, and they are my babies too...but Gracie was first, you know?

I don't want her to go, but I don't want her to suffer through her last days/weeks of life suffocating slowly either.

When I get home, I think all I will do tonight is cuddle her. Life is so precious, and entirely too short.

ZenMe

For pets with congestive heart failure you can give them a pill called "lasix/furosamide". My dog made it 2+ years because of that. She was fine at the time, just had that looming on the horizon.

BlueSkies1

Virtual hugs to you!

If she's still eating and engaging with the other cats then you have some time with her left and she's not horribly off. Maybe she will get better, I don't know your vet's prognosis. Eating is a very good sign though.
I agree with Zen, sounds more like congestive heart failure than renal, renal they won't eat.
Yes...the one we have the longest and connect to. My girl only wanted me. Husband and daughter were not allowed to be very close. She'd ride on my shoulders like a live fur stole! For years she did this, not all the time of course, but often. She truly trusted me. Up or down stairs, anywhere in the house, didn't matter, she loved the vantage point. Somebody would knock on my door and I'd answer and they would look at me amused, and I wouldn't even get why for a minute or two. I was so used to her riding around like that.

NeedSomeHappy

Zen - She has been on Lasix for over a week now with no improvement. She does have a heart murmur, but vet said nothing about CHF. Her blood work was actually quite good, so it was baffling to him. She has also been on a corticosteroid, also with no improvement. Thank you for the suggestion though!

Blue - She doesn't 'engage' much, she has been a bit antisocial in the last year or so, but she has been out and not hiding away as much, and still has her bright and shiny jade green eyes. She just breathes like she just ran laps around the house, and doesn't move around too much.
I love the story about your girl...that is adorable! It shows ultimate trust and true love, for sure. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing, it made me smile!

Recovering2

Pathetic how your AH took the situation and tried to make it about him. Jeez. But enough about him....

My 17yo cat Cleo had the same thing. Congestive heart failure. I don't believe she was in pain, but breathing was work for her, and she fatigued easily. My fear was she would drown in her fluids while I was sleeping or out of the house. So I made the decision to make sure we were together and our goodbye would be peaceful. That was 3 years ago, and I'm crying writing this. I think making those tough decisions is heart breaking, but we owe it to them after the gifts they give us.

Spend time with Gracie, take care of you. Pay no attention to the A in the room.

NeedSomeHappy

Thank you...*hug* I would be lying if I said I didn't shed a tear while reading that. I do fear that tremendously, that she will pass alone while I am at work or something. I don't want her to be alone when it happens.

NeedSomeHappy

Update on my kitty girl - I took her to the emergency clinic and they drained 168mL (about 3/4 cup) of fluid from her chest cavity. She obviously feels quite a lot better and is breathing mostly normally. We have a follow up appointment today to see how she is doing and to send her fluid samples off through my regular vet to try and determine the cause. So far it's looking like congestive heart failure, which is usually treatable. Here's hoping!

Something happened too that made something click inside for me. There are several threads that are going on regarding how you knew it was time to leave, etc...and this was one gigantic push toward the door for me. While they were xraying her etc, they said prepping her for the draining procedure would take a while, and it was already after 9pm and I could go home a while if I wanted. I didn't want to go, but I hadn't eaten and I needed to check on my other kitties. AH was at work and was getting off at 10pm, so I figured I would go home, eat, check on other kitties, wait for him (anxiously) to get home and get back to the clinic to wait for my baby. I texted him the plan, and he agreed. I hadn't heard from him by 10:20, so I texted him 'are you on the way?'. The response - I am waiting for my share of tips so I can get a beer.



I got a dose of clarity then...a clear statement of his priorities. Of course, he was loving and supportive once he got home, drank his beer, took a shower and went with me, where we were at the clinic until 2am....but then, as soon as we got home around 2:30am, both of us having to get up at 7am for work, mind you...he asks 'I'm gonna get a glass of wine, you want one?' I say no thanks, gonna get kitty settled and go to bed.

Sigh.

Thanks cosmos, for the obvious sign. Message received.