postcard1

I have been doing really well with not drinking but fell off wagon in a huge way at weekend; drunk all weekend got through a bottle of vodka and 4 boxes of wine. i had just started a great new job and have had to take today off.

seeing a psychologist on Thursday (i'm on antidepressants) but think it may be too late for wife, she is sticking with me for now but think she has had too much; and i dont blame. Was all going so well, i dont understand why i did it.

could do with knowing people are out there who know what i'm going through...

lessgravity

This site is amazing, take a look around. There are plenty of us, right at the same place you are, and many others who have embraced sobriety and changed their lives.

Welcome and I hope things get better.

Tamerua

Welcome! What kind of recovery plan are you using? A plan helps!

postcard1

i am seeing my therapist in a couple of days to sort out a strategy; but meantime am at home alone and am really struggling; i think i have ruined things with my wife; also i have spent all my money over the weekend; cant bring myself to tell her yet but dont have any money for the therapy session; also dreading going into work tomorrow. Just all such a mess

postcard1

i cant bear to lose my wife, knowing it was so avoidable

postcard1

i dont know what to do

CaiHong

Postcard,

I think a lot of us can relate to allowing alcohol to screw us up when we really need to be sober and on the ball. I was more interested in how to stay sober than why I was alcoholic. I accepted the truth that I was powerless over alcohol and from then on my primary purpose was to stay sober.

I am 2.5 years sober with the support and wisdom of the. SR and the 12 step program.

keep reading and posting you can do this but the bottom line is you can't drink.

All the best
caiHong

postcard1

i am really worried i will lose my wife. she is still with me and will come to therapist; i feel i need to keep asking her for reassurance that she will stay but i know that is unfair and i need to give her space. i need to stay sober this time

postcard1

does any have advise on how i can just get through next couple of days while it is still raw?

CaiHong

reading about people's experiences in recovering from alcoholism helped me it gave me a lot of hope and I was not alone.

Going to AA meetings and listening to others may get you through these next few days.

I understand how awful you feel right now. Hang in there, a minute an hour at a time. this will pass.


caiHong

JadeSatellite

Talk with us here about your feelings anytime you want. I have screwed up my relationship with my partner just recently... TWICE... gave me another chance and I blew it. I'm lucky they are still supportive and are willing to be a roommate, so I feel like I dodged a bullet. But what I know is that when you hound a partner, they can only put up with so much, especially if they have had to deal with an alcoholic. You have to find other ways to keep yourself from hounding and hounding. If she is OK with talking about your feelings about keeping sober, or your plan, do that. But you also need to be honest even if it will hurt her. By being honest and keeping with your plan, you will *show* her that you mean business - that is what a person committed to a plan of sobriety and a plan to rebuild a relationship does. That probably means telling her about the money problem, and talking with your therapist about it asap so you can make other arrangements. Believe me, the best thing you can do is to stop asking for that reassurance, and instead *show* her that you mean business about doing whatever it takes to salvage your relationship with her.

postcard1

thank you so much for those words, they really were helpful. My wife and I have been together for 14 years so I cant the thought that I have blown it.

But you are right, I need to show her that I mean to stay sober and that is not going to happen overnight. The trouble I've made those promises before, and she has given me so many 'last chances' ...

She is coming to therapy in 2 days so we can talk about plan together. I just cant bear the thought of having let her down so badly again; i know I need to be positive about myself in order to get better, but I really hate myself right now. I dont know how to get over that hurdle , i cant help feeling my wife would be better off without me. I feel like im in a nightmare and dont know how i ended up here

Dee74

postcard, the best thing you can do now is do your utmost to stay sober -

noone knows what might happen but the fact your wife is still around and willing to come with you is a good sign - doing your utmost now can only be a sign of good faith to everyone concerned.

drink again tho? and it's more likely you'll lose all the things you hold dear...

D

duane1

I had many morning afters when I was drinking. Don't let alcohol trick you into thinking that if I drink today, at least I won't have to deal with my problems today. It is a lie. What's done is done. You can't change yesterday, but you can control today. It starts with not drinking today/tonight. Join the group of people in the October quitters thread. Hang close to this site. Get to AA, therapy. Whatever you think you need. Join the chat room. You have the power to change this. Many of us have. I am 16 months now and I drank daily till I passed out for many, many years. It can start today.

postcard1

Thank you all so much. I CAN and I WILL do this...

JadeSatellite

Keep the plan. That is the best thing you can do. And yes, it hurts so hard knowing that you screwed up so badly that you can't reassure them anymore. That is the worst part to me, that I lost their trust. Believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from. But you know what makes yourself feel better, and what will be the best course of action? Working on yourself, and REALLY committing yourself to never have that drink. It seems like you can't, but believe me you can if you put yourself and your marriage ahead of that bottle. The best thing you can do is to be humble, realize the damage you've done, and to *show* her that you are making amends. I made so many promises that my words don't mean anything any more. The best thing to do for any chance of getting back together with my partner is to do what needs to be done: Heal for myself, stay sober, and get back to a life worth living where you love yourself.

postcard1

Thanks for that, and I really hope that things work out with your partner too. It is such a help knowing others are out their who know what i'm talking about. The worst is the nights, I just keep going round and round but I need to look forward not back; there really is no other choice

kyara

I slipped up twice since I first gained sobriety in Sept 2012. My husband sees that I am trying. Not to brush the slips under the rug, but I keep him informed about the disease, he attends AA mtgs. with me, so he knows what is going on. He reads all the information that I bring home from my counsellor, I keep him involved. Bottom line is he knows Alcoholisim is a disease, ang together we have agreed to fight this disease. We gave beeb together fir 22 years, drinking took hold of me for 5 and 1/2years, he knows thats not who I really am, he had many years of tasting who I really was and he knows that we both want that back. Keep her informed and as involved as you can and hopefully things will work out.

CaiHong

Hi postcard,
How are you feeling today,as a member said you have to show her you mean business but more importantly remember you are doing this for yourself. I promise you, things do get better, life without dependence on alcohol equals freedom.

Hang in there
caihong

Michael1974

I've pretty much been drunk on and off for 18 years. The first one gets you. It's that first damned drink. After that, as you know, all bets are off. The peeling skin, the acne rosatia, you look like ****, you feel worse than that....It really is a moment by moment deal. God gives us drunks some extra graces I think. He knows we are addicted. And those of us who try to quit are helped from Above. Keep trying. The only losers are the ones who stay down. If you stay down, you are sure to die. If you get back up, you have a chance at living.