joshlyman

After 33 days on my first attempt at sobriety I relapsed. Can't make any excuses-I actively made the decision to go out to a bar, get trashed, instead of staying home like I knew I should have.

I had a miserable time out and felt completely awful yesterday and this morning. I am so embarrassed by text messages and voice mails I left for people that I want to crawl into a hole for a week. My cousin isn't speaking to me now because I sent her a nasty text message. My depression and anxiety came back, as did the paranoia and shame.

I'm even more ready now than I was before to be sober. Today is Day 2 and I'm slowly starting to feel as great as I did on Friday before my relapse. Sobriety is truly amazing-even after just 33 days, I noticed how much better my life had been.

Thanks for reading, had to get this out somewhere,

Dee74

I'm glad you've recommitted to recovery Josh.
do you plan to do things differently this time?

D

Anna

I sure remember the shame and guilt following calls I made the night before while drinking.

The main thing is to not let those feelings drag you down so you drink again. Good for you for getting back on track. And, as you said, use what you learned in your 33 days sober.

Hevyn

Hi Josh. I needed to have that happen too. I knew in my heart I shouldn't touch it, but still I kept insisting I could use willpower to control it. In the end I was drinking all day, every day & hopelessly dependent on it. I'm glad you are starting back on your sober path. You can do it and never go back to that awful life

joshlyman

yes, I'm going to be more honest about being sober now. This past time I've been afraid to tell people that I've quit drinking for good. Been using small excuses (tired, dieting, not drinking for the week, etc.) to avoid drinking but this weekend my alcoholic aunt came to stay with me and I couldn't bring myself to tell her I quit. So gave in instead. Not this time though.

TomSawyer

I've had the same problem Josh. My first time around, my close family knew I was in outpatient rehab, but I could never truly use the term "alcoholic" with my friends. It's a hard thing to do, to truly admit that fact. I have absolutely no problem saying I'm an alcoholic at an AA meeting, but for some reason it is just about the hardest thing for me to admit to someone not in the program.

I've heard some people chose to write letters to friends, because it can be so hard to actually admit that you are an alcoholic face to face with someone not in recovery. May be a good idea.

Acheleus

Writing down the costs and benefits of drinking can help you overcome urges.

CaiHong

Joshly,very sorry to hear you relapsed but if this makes you stronger in your conviction to stay sober then you can use this to prevent it happening again.

I think that early in sobriety it was probably not a good idea to have your aunt there especially not telling her you are trying to quit. It's interesting to sort out the people who may say, you don't need to quit just moderate, they are either alcoholic themselves or have no idea about alcoholism.

You can do this, make sobriety your number one goal and all good things will follow.

all the best
caiHong

JadeSatellite

I'm glad you decided to become sober again! I had relapsed several times and the last time was not the worst, but it made everything come to a head and I realized that I can't and won't do the horrible cycle anymore. Good job!

pinkdog

Hi josh, early sobriety is hard. You give up your old habits but have yet to make new ones. Best thing is to start making new ones right away. Replace the old ones. Fill the void with healthy things. Think about what you used to enjoy before the drink. Sports, crafts, music, etc. With sobertime, you won't miss the drink as much because you will be doing something interesting and fulfilling. Best to you. #1 is accept that you cannot drink.

Br00ksie

Welcome back, Josh! It's a shame we don't live in a drug/alcohol-free world, but that's why its so important to stay vigilant. Starting over isn't easy, but it's great that you learned from your relapse and that you have a plan to do things differently this time around! I believe in you!

mecanix

Rigorous honesty is helpful Josh , i hope next time you choose the exit ramp not the highway to hell , great your back at it , keep on

Bestwishes, m

llastchance8

Hi Josh, weldone on getting back to track.. Consider that event as just a slip and just move on. We, too are guilty of sending nasty mails, posting nasty and absolute rubbish on FB, even to the extent of damaging innocent persons' happily married life,etc.. Yes, it does get difficult. I had the same problem.. I used to mention many reasons to the friends that I am not drinking for time being due to ,this and that, and blah blah..But it took some specific occasions when I could not refuse and the rest is a real horror story ! Keep getting stronger .. Now I do not give any reasons. I just tell them " I do not drink "

instant

I discovered that I was my biggest obstacle to achieving and maintaining sobriety - I think once I could accept that I could work on it

Glad you are here