McKrazy

I know this may come as no shock to many of you, but today was a light bulb moment..... My A holds me responsible for his happiness!!!!!!!
How insane is that?! I no more would give that job to someone else as I would prefer they wipe my bottom after I used the toilet!!!! My goodness, I have to make my own choices that lead to my own consequences, which lead to suffering, peace, joy, mirth, sadness.... and yes, happiness. After listening to another tirade about how terrible life is, it hit me. That was supposed to be my job... I didn't ask for it, I never said I would be good at it, I never hinted at any expertise. Why would he place that in my lap. So you know what, I just mentally moved it out of my lap and placed it at his feet. I did really feel more peaceful even just in that instant.
Again, you maybe all knew that, but I just figured it out and wanted to share that. Thanks for listening and for not placing in my weak and incapable hands your ability to be happy. Maybe that's why this place is such a joy to me, you all understand that we all make our own choices. I love it here!!

Lorelai

I love it here too, Pam. And I love your enthusiam and outlook - it always gives me a boost.

The other night my H told me, "Tell me what to do to make you happy." Normally, I would have gone into a long list of - quit drinking, spend more time with me, don't lie to me, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I just said "No. You figure it out." Felt good. Not responsible - YEAH !
L

sunflowergal29

Yeah, that is an awesome feeling! One day a few months back, my h did something/said something about how I make him feel- I corrected him with that I CAN't make him feel anything- he is not responsible for making me happy, making me feel anything, and so why would I be responsible for making him feel a certain way? Was a definite lightbulb moment in our relationship too,lol!
I too enjoy reading what you put on this forum- your recovery is really amazing you know! You have gotten really far!
-SFG29

Magichappens

That is why they say that we don't have relationships, we take hostages. For us to hold someone else responsible for our happiness, we have to find people with similar characteristics. Yep, it works both ways. Hugs, Magic

Gabe

Hey Pam,
When it came to Spicoli and I, I was responsible for everything.
His happiness, his unhappiness, his drinking problem. I think I was also the lone gunman in the Texas book depository and the real kidnapper of the Lindbergh baby. If something was wrong, it was my fault.
People who can't take responsibility for their lives just love to dump that stuff off on someone else.
I'm glad you didn't fall for it.
Good for you.
Gabe

bookworm

Hiya Pam,
isn't it just great when they try and saddle you with it all? G told me the other day that it wasn't his fault that he didn't have a sense of responsibility - he wasn't born with a sense of responsibility so it wasn't his fault when things went wrong.
I mean, how's that for logic??
Gotta laugh haven't you really. I did.
HugZ
Sandra

myles1

I remember about 6 months after I had broken up with my ex him coming and talking to me and I said something about missing his parents and he said "Well you are the one who left" ! like I had left because he was treating me so well and not being horribly abusive. ugh! Even leaving for my own wellbeing and sanity was my fault.

Ngaire