Simple, Clean Responses..
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Simple, Clean Responses..
I'm not quite sure how to explain this, but I'll try. Today in my Al-Anon meeting were were talking about not having to engage in conversations of crazy making or having to make immediate decisions when you are asked questions. This is one of my biggest challenges. I seem to still invite the endless conversations that I really don't want to have.
So I'd like to start a thread kind of like the simple quotes one about your simple one line comebacks to remove yourself from a conversation or line of questioning that you don't want to be a part of.
Some of the ones I've heard are
1) You might be right.
2) I'll have to think about that and get back to you.
3) Oh..
Of course I would assume the simple "I don't feel like talking about this right now" would work too. But also implies I would want to talk about it later.. which I may not.
I'd love to have a hole range of these at my disposal so that I can in some way gracefully bow out of the crazy making convos.
So I'd like to start a thread kind of like the simple quotes one about your simple one line comebacks to remove yourself from a conversation or line of questioning that you don't want to be a part of.
Some of the ones I've heard are
1) You might be right.
2) I'll have to think about that and get back to you.
3) Oh..
Of course I would assume the simple "I don't feel like talking about this right now" would work too. But also implies I would want to talk about it later.. which I may not.
I'd love to have a hole range of these at my disposal so that I can in some way gracefully bow out of the crazy making convos.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Put distance between you and your critics. Choose to align yourself with people who are like-minded in their search for simplified inspiration. Give those who find fault or who are confrontational a silent blessing and remove yourself from their energy as quickly as possible. Your life is simplified enormously when you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone, and when you receive support rather than criticism. You don’t have to endure the criticism with anything other than a polite thank-you and a promise to consider what’s been said—anything else is a state of conflict that erases the possibility of your feeling inspired. You never need to defend yourself or your desires to anyone, as those inner feelings are Spirit speaking to you. Those thoughts are sacred, so don’t ever let anyone trample on them.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Mmmmhmmmm. Sure. Could be. That's interesting. Hope that goes well. I see. Good luck. That's nice.
I had an arsenal, for all the good it did me. It got to where if I refused to engage the way he wanted that he would destroy something. Usually of mine. He went in the office a smashed my desk chair. Smashed the cat tower with a baseball bat (I got rid of all the bats after that). Broke the dropside of the crib pounding it with his fist. Ripped all the coats down out of the closet and snapped the plastic hangers apart. Broke the glass in a framed picture of my older son (though he tried to blame that on the cat later). Stabbed though my journal with my fountain pen and wrote abusive garbage all over the pages. Jammed knives into the kitchen tabletop. Smashed five different coffee tables to toothpicks. Seriously, we went through coffee tables like normal people go through toilet paper.
Thank God I'm away from that.
I had an arsenal, for all the good it did me. It got to where if I refused to engage the way he wanted that he would destroy something. Usually of mine. He went in the office a smashed my desk chair. Smashed the cat tower with a baseball bat (I got rid of all the bats after that). Broke the dropside of the crib pounding it with his fist. Ripped all the coats down out of the closet and snapped the plastic hangers apart. Broke the glass in a framed picture of my older son (though he tried to blame that on the cat later). Stabbed though my journal with my fountain pen and wrote abusive garbage all over the pages. Jammed knives into the kitchen tabletop. Smashed five different coffee tables to toothpicks. Seriously, we went through coffee tables like normal people go through toilet paper.
Thank God I'm away from that.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Originally Posted by Hammer 
My best (so far) -- may lose its effectiveness if used too often --
"That sounds like something you should talk to your sponsor about . . . "
"That sounds like something you should talk to your sponsor about . . . "
OooOOo.. ladyscribbler I'm glad your away from that too. Certainly makes me address whether I'm just prolonging the inevitable.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by isitme
I would love to use that one.. although, he is not in recovery, and in fact is still in denial that there is a problem. Yippie
At least back then she would still drop into addiction and self-medicate.
Nowdays it is just Wall-to-Wall ash-ole.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 57
Ugh, I just got sucked into an argument via text with AH. I fired off a few angry texts in response. What the heck?! I even had read this thread only about 15 minutes beforehand and mentally filed away some of the responses. Slow progress is still progress, but still - talk about frustrating!
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
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I told my AW that I blocked her number from texts (I didn't). I'd still get provoking texts, just meant to irk me....and ignore them because after all, these are supposedly blocked.
Then a few days go by, and she asks why I haven't written back to any of her texts...I say "go re-read the last text I sent you, I blocked your number". Oh.
Only a few hours later, I get texts from her as if we never had the above conversation.
I have to have the same discussion as above about once every two weeks....it's been months since I've sent her a text, yet she continues to write me, completing forgetting that I "blocked" her!
A minor form of alcoholic dementia, my guess.
Then a few days go by, and she asks why I haven't written back to any of her texts...I say "go re-read the last text I sent you, I blocked your number". Oh.
Only a few hours later, I get texts from her as if we never had the above conversation.
I have to have the same discussion as above about once every two weeks....it's been months since I've sent her a text, yet she continues to write me, completing forgetting that I "blocked" her!
A minor form of alcoholic dementia, my guess.
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Posts: 478
BRotz: HAHA! I love that one!
Michael: I agree. I'm not very good at silence either, usually he just stares in my face and goes "Hellloooo" Ugh.. (shivers)
wysiwyg: I know exactly what you mean. I MADE this thread and still got sucked into it last night.
Maybe it was a good thing though, maybe I have finally seen it all for what it is and am hurting enough to make the big change my kids and I need. I can't keep going on like this and I won't let my kids get brought up inside this craziness. The other day I drove by a cute little house and thought to myself " I can see the kids and I living there". I looked it you and you know, the rent might just be doable. And by golly I think I'll take the leap and make a call to look at it today.
The only way out is through, right?
Michael: I agree. I'm not very good at silence either, usually he just stares in my face and goes "Hellloooo" Ugh.. (shivers)
wysiwyg: I know exactly what you mean. I MADE this thread and still got sucked into it last night.
Maybe it was a good thing though, maybe I have finally seen it all for what it is and am hurting enough to make the big change my kids and I need. I can't keep going on like this and I won't let my kids get brought up inside this craziness. The other day I drove by a cute little house and thought to myself " I can see the kids and I living there". I looked it you and you know, the rent might just be doable. And by golly I think I'll take the leap and make a call to look at it today.
The only way out is through, right?
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
My standard line on anything of any significance or seriousness-- I have told you that I will only discuss serious issues when you are sober, never when you are intoxicated.
I have never caved in on this boundary since making it. Though I suppose if an emergency comes up while he's intoxicated, there will be no choice.
I simply try to look at each situation and remind myself that the only emergencies in life are things like stopping children from running into oncoming cars. Most everything else can wait until a time when he's sober.
That little cute house does sound nice! I own a cottage. I haven't done much to it, but my imagination sure has. Cute little houses look lovely dressed up in vintage kitchen checkered valances, retro 50's dining, shabby chic or rustic, your choice there, window flower boxes, an umbrella table on the deck or patio...my imagination never ends with this stuff because I'm an antique dealer...!
I have never caved in on this boundary since making it. Though I suppose if an emergency comes up while he's intoxicated, there will be no choice.
I simply try to look at each situation and remind myself that the only emergencies in life are things like stopping children from running into oncoming cars. Most everything else can wait until a time when he's sober.
That little cute house does sound nice! I own a cottage. I haven't done much to it, but my imagination sure has. Cute little houses look lovely dressed up in vintage kitchen checkered valances, retro 50's dining, shabby chic or rustic, your choice there, window flower boxes, an umbrella table on the deck or patio...my imagination never ends with this stuff because I'm an antique dealer...!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I'm with Michael - silence worked for me - just a smile and a nod.
Also - "thank you for letting me know how you feel"
or - "ok - I am going to go run errands now" (as I grab my fishing pole, the dogs, and some worms, and head out the door. )
Also - "thank you for letting me know how you feel"
or - "ok - I am going to go run errands now" (as I grab my fishing pole, the dogs, and some worms, and head out the door.
)
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