kyara

Was reading a post on looking for something to do! I struggle with that also. WHen I look back at my life, before drinking and during, I see that I was always so extremly busy, its how I like to be. I have others tell me I stay busy so i never have to "look at myself"and perhaps that is true. I have always found it easier to look after others - thier needs and wants rather than focus on my own.
I first became sober September 21, 2012.after returning from treatment I knew to keep things simple, but I just could not do it. I jumped into planning and attending events with my family, picked up a new - very time consuming client with my home care, I scrapbooked all about my recovery, I started an on line college english course, I applied to College for the fall, I joined the gym and excercised insanely, continued to do as much for my children and husband as humanly possible and so on...
It lead to me relapsing for a few days in June.
I tried to slow things down again, but it díd not work, I slipped up again for another 3 days. My new sobriety date is now August 24, 2013.
Growing up I had an alcoholic father who tried really hard to be a good dad, and a mother who made it her mission in life to let me know I was useless, and not really wanted. I am sure that is why I feel I have to take on the world and prove myself to everyone. And knowing all of this, and having a VERY supportive husband and 4 children, I STILL don't know enough to slow life down and take care of myself!!! I still, no matter what my family, friends and employers tell me, keep trying to be the BEST at everything and slip up in the end.
I am beginning to worry, that I may never be able to really slow down. I will never be satisfied with just doing a little bit. Why can't I stop taking on the world? My slips have not been tremendous drunks, just "keeping that buzz", but I don't like it. In fact my drinking years were pretty much that - "keeping the buzz" so I could still do what I needed to do, but have that little bit of a "break" feeling.
I have spoken with my counsellor and my sponsor, but I just keep hearing "slow down", one day at a time, and so on. Its not working.
Any advice?
I appologize if this sounds like whinning, I am just so confused. I know I take on too much, but I feel like I am coming out of my skin, if I don't have something to do or someone to take care of.

hypochondriac

Alcoholics, like anorexics, tend to be total control freaks, and I think that is a massive thing we have to let go of. I think that is the key, letting go, not fixing things, but letting it be.

I don't think the problem here is how much or how little you are doing, it is not the case that if you slow down things will be alright. It is just that this is a process not something you can fix straight away. It is generally our response and dissatisfaction with things that cause the problem. When I was going a bit nuts in early recovery people kept telling me 'maybe you are right where you need to be'. Once I calmed down and stopped expecting things to be fixed, things started to get better Funny no?

Have you tried meditating yet? That may help x

least

You could start by taking care of yourself. Get yourself healthy and happy. You cannot be responsible for the rest of the world. The rest of the world can take care of itself. You look after 'you'.

ExWinoMom

My feeling here is that you need to put the busyness down, like the drink, one day at a time.
Write a schedule that is manageable, you gotta always run the weekly schedule by your sponsor and treat any additional activity that your brain wants to add in as an addiction. Surrender the addiction to busyness. Treat it like booze.
You will probably go into withdrawal and experience painful feelings but you will also feel relief. Just like when we give up alcohol...

Anna

I was also addicted to doing things for others and helping people.

It's called the 'disease to please' and it's deadly.

It led to my alcohol addiction which almost killed me.

I had to let go of everything and start focusing on myself, my soul, my needs and my purpose in life. I now know that balance is key for my recovery and peace. I spend time alone with myself every day. If I don't I start to suffer.

I don't know why it's not working for you. Drop one of the things you are doing today. Start with that, and then drop something else in a few days. Let go. You don't have to be all for everyone.

resolute50

Are you sure there isn't something else going on here?
I have a friend that has adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
He was binging so much it made his life very difficult.
Couldn't slow down.

(not medical advice only a doctor would know)
Just wondering if you might have been tested for this.

roomsforall

I second the idea of meditating. I can feel the restless energy in your post. You don't have to slam on the breaks... slowing down is a process. It sounds like you feel like you constantly need something to focus on, so maybe a guided meditation album could help you.

kyara

Your not the first to say that, I have been like this my whole life and have heard others say I may be ADHD. I will have to learn to slow life down. Don't want any medication to alter my life, not real keen on that idea, so I will talk with people and reach out for ideas on how to slow things down.

Thanks

resolute50

I mentioned it because your use of alcohol could be a symptom and not the cause. In my friends case,once things got straightened out.
His drinking became non existent.

Oh,when I said "binging" I really meant bing-ing,like bouncing.
People that have this feel like they're like a pinball ball.
I wish you the best,that you will be able to slow down life and enjoy it fully.

soberhawk

I would try some meditation.

Sometimes there is some “flee element” in focusing on others. I have at least many reaction where the motive is to avoid facing some feelings I have – meditation helps, kept simple in small doses.

I enjoy focused swimming, I swim 50 meters lanes. It is not about doing it fast it is about doing it concentrated, I count the strokes and stop after every 50 meters to see what I need to improve. It is in fact meditation.

Johnston

Maybe just accept your personality for what it is. Some people are laid back and some are hyper. I'm the latter and have stopped fighting it. I keep myself busy and try to avoid stressing over insignificant things.

wheresthefun

Just "knowing it" isn't necessarily enough. Kind of like all of us here admitting we have a problem, is only part of the solution. You say you see a counselor, what have you and your counselor done pertaining to your parents and your childhood?

Dee74

Balance is really important to me.

I have to remember if I give my all and keep nothing in reserve for me, then things are going to break down.

It's not selfish to give yourself a bit of self care - it's mandatory

My mind used to run at a million miles and hour too - sometimes it still does, but I don't need to drink at it anymore - it's me...and I'm ok with that now.

The million miles an hour thing can be useful sometimes - but when it's not being useful, I go take myself away, be by myself and relax, or deep breath, or exercise, watch a funny movie...

before too long I'm good to go again


D

Pondlady

Have you tried yoga? I started taking it last summer. It offers more than just flexibility and strength benefits , it focuses on the inner self and peace. You could google beginner yoga videos and try it at home.