Brother in the hospital, been calling me all night
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Brother in the hospital, been calling me all night
My brother called me on his way to the emergency room. He got beat up pretty bad by 4 or 5 guys. He showed up at our parents house & my dad agreed to take him to the hospital, but he didn't stay with him, just dropped him off. When he called me, he was crying uncontrollably and very obviously high.
I'm not even sure why he called me- could be since dad would not stay with him that he was trying to set up a ride home, I don't know. He knows that I can't and won't pick him up- I have 2 little girls at home, I can't just up & leave and certainly wouldn't wake them up & take them with me- I don't even let him around them because of his using.
So I talk to him for a few minutes, tell him not to worry about tomorrow, or 3 hours from now, just to get checked out & make sure he doesn't have serious injuries. I seem to be able to calm him down, always have been able to, told him to call me tomorrow, to find out what's going on with his injuries and also because we have to check in with a local organization that is trying to place him in treatment.
An hour later my phone (cell) starts vibrating (I turn the ringer off at night so it doesn't wake my kids). I don't answer. Goes to voicemail, phone starts buzzing again right away. And again, and again. I can't bring myself to answer. I feel guilty, almost. Then I remember some far fetched story he was trying to tell me about how he came to be attacked by a group of men and how it sounded to ME like he had just chosen the wrong person to try & rob or rip off. And I remember how completely out of it he sounded. After about 6 calls in half an hour, he did leave a voicemail. More crying, his foot (he says) is broken, bones crushed inside. He is stuck in the hospital with no way home. Then the "aha" moment: he cries on the voicemail "I don't even have a way to go pick up my prescription."
Never mind the fact that I have a 4 year old home with me, and a 12 year old who has school tomorrow morning, he wants me to go pick him up, and take him to get whatever pain meds they wrote out a prescription for, and more than likely expected me to pay for it also.
But oh, the pain, and anguish, shame, and self hatred in his voice. It's cold out here tonight, I imagine walking around in this cold with a broken, smashed up foot. It is hard to see a loved one suffer.
Just had to vent that, I should be asleep but my heart is heavy and my mind is worried. I hope he gets help this time. I hate his addiction and he has been so bad for so long that he is practically a stranger to me, but I don't want him to die, and he has got to be close to that by now.
Thanks for listening.
I'm not even sure why he called me- could be since dad would not stay with him that he was trying to set up a ride home, I don't know. He knows that I can't and won't pick him up- I have 2 little girls at home, I can't just up & leave and certainly wouldn't wake them up & take them with me- I don't even let him around them because of his using.
So I talk to him for a few minutes, tell him not to worry about tomorrow, or 3 hours from now, just to get checked out & make sure he doesn't have serious injuries. I seem to be able to calm him down, always have been able to, told him to call me tomorrow, to find out what's going on with his injuries and also because we have to check in with a local organization that is trying to place him in treatment.
An hour later my phone (cell) starts vibrating (I turn the ringer off at night so it doesn't wake my kids). I don't answer. Goes to voicemail, phone starts buzzing again right away. And again, and again. I can't bring myself to answer. I feel guilty, almost. Then I remember some far fetched story he was trying to tell me about how he came to be attacked by a group of men and how it sounded to ME like he had just chosen the wrong person to try & rob or rip off. And I remember how completely out of it he sounded. After about 6 calls in half an hour, he did leave a voicemail. More crying, his foot (he says) is broken, bones crushed inside. He is stuck in the hospital with no way home. Then the "aha" moment: he cries on the voicemail "I don't even have a way to go pick up my prescription."
Never mind the fact that I have a 4 year old home with me, and a 12 year old who has school tomorrow morning, he wants me to go pick him up, and take him to get whatever pain meds they wrote out a prescription for, and more than likely expected me to pay for it also.
But oh, the pain, and anguish, shame, and self hatred in his voice. It's cold out here tonight, I imagine walking around in this cold with a broken, smashed up foot. It is hard to see a loved one suffer.
Just had to vent that, I should be asleep but my heart is heavy and my mind is worried. I hope he gets help this time. I hate his addiction and he has been so bad for so long that he is practically a stranger to me, but I don't want him to die, and he has got to be close to that by now.
Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Sookie10: Yes, it is hard, isn't it? I sure can feel your pain.
Sookie, you are doing the right thing. It is this depth of pain that our beloved loved ones need in order to grow the seeds others have been planting that there is a big problem that they need to get help for. We on the outside look at what they are going through and think it is unbearable. But any addict in good recovery will tell you that you are doing the right thing by your brother and that he is exactly where he needs to be.
Sookie, you are doing the right thing. It is this depth of pain that our beloved loved ones need in order to grow the seeds others have been planting that there is a big problem that they need to get help for. We on the outside look at what they are going through and think it is unbearable. But any addict in good recovery will tell you that you are doing the right thing by your brother and that he is exactly where he needs to be.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sookkie, you did the right thing indeed, and I know it must have been very hard struggling with what to do.
When the pain of using becomes greater than the fear of getting clean, then the addict is ready for help.
It sounds like your brother just may be ready to embrace recovery one day soon.
Keeping you both in my prayers.
Hugs
When the pain of using becomes greater than the fear of getting clean, then the addict is ready for help.
It sounds like your brother just may be ready to embrace recovery one day soon.
Keeping you both in my prayers.
Hugs
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 26
Sojourner and Ann- thank you 
I needed to hear that support that I was doing the right thing.
I haven't talked to my dad yet this morning to see how he & mom are doing, and to find out what happened, but I will be going over there shortly.
There have been too many times over the past few years where we have thought he was hitting his "rock bottom", evidently his despair well runs deeper than expected :/
I did say something very similar to him last week, when we talked about treatment, and I told him I would drive him to a place about 90 min away if he is accepted into their program. He expressed how tired, depressed, hurt, scared, and ashamed he is with being an addict. He was dope sick the other day and was thinking he may have to go to the hospital because he feared dying in te withdrawal process. I told him "when your hatred of using these drugs is greater than your desire to keep using, then maybe you will have a chance at recovery".
Thank you again, for your responses, I really needed to see them.
Xoxo, heather
I needed to hear that support that I was doing the right thing.I haven't talked to my dad yet this morning to see how he & mom are doing, and to find out what happened, but I will be going over there shortly.
There have been too many times over the past few years where we have thought he was hitting his "rock bottom", evidently his despair well runs deeper than expected :/
I did say something very similar to him last week, when we talked about treatment, and I told him I would drive him to a place about 90 min away if he is accepted into their program. He expressed how tired, depressed, hurt, scared, and ashamed he is with being an addict. He was dope sick the other day and was thinking he may have to go to the hospital because he feared dying in te withdrawal process. I told him "when your hatred of using these drugs is greater than your desire to keep using, then maybe you will have a chance at recovery".
Thank you again, for your responses, I really needed to see them.
Xoxo, heather
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Sookie, I'm so sorry you're going through this. My sister has an opiate addiction, and so I really feel your pain. It takes a lot of strength to detach with love from a family member who is hurting from addiction. Sounds to me like you showed him some compassion but also set reasonable boundaries. Good for you!
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
It's hard to watch them suffer.....but hopefully he's getting close to really being ready. When my son was beaten, he left the hospital after surgery, against medical advice.....to fill his script. It was the beginning of his realization that he was in very deep. It took about a year after that of struggling back and forth with recovery before he was really ready to commit. That was a rough year.....
Hang in there. You and your dear brother will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Hang in there. You and your dear brother will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
You don't have to listen to the messages. It is your choice as to how much you detach. If you have to, just delete them without listening. I know it is hard because I have dealt with this kind of stuff from my addict mother. I have been kept up all night with the ringing phone. It put me in a state of anxiety and depression, and eventually had to stop listening to it. My relationship with her is now better--but, there for awhile, I had to go no contact. Take care.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 26
A bit of an update- the ER nurse tried to call my parent's several times the following day. When my dad spoke with her, she told him the X-ray of his foot showed "something" not consistent with
his injury, and that he needed to come back & speak with a doctor ASAP. She could/would not tell him anything further. My dad took him the next morning and went with him to see the Dr, showed him the X-ray, and showed him a suspicious area in the bone and something that "could be" a tumor, and said he needs a bone scan and biopsy right away.
He has been to his regular doctor since, and his appointment for the scan & biopsy is being held up by paperwork because he has no insurance and those tests are pricey. Tentatively his appointment is the 16th but his Dr is trying whatever she can to move the date up.
I'm not a pessimistic person, but I think it may be something bad. He told me in a phone conversation earlier in the week that he was turned down from donating blood that day- something came up abnormal in his bloodwork & he couldn't donate- and they would call him or
he had to come back or SOMEthing to that effect, in 10 days. So those two incidents, plus the fact that my mom and I are both breast cancer survivors, and I had genetic testing done & was found to have one of the breast cancer gene mutations- it's hereditary, men can also inherit this gene & those that do have it have a significant risk of several forms of cancer. From family history we've deduced it is from my mom's side of the family, and he has a 50/50 chance of having it.
I'm having all these different emotions right now :/ I wouldn't wish cancer or chemotherapy on my worst enemy- it is hell. Of course I don't want my brother to have to go through that, or God forbid the alternative. He is scared. My mom is scared too, and understandably wants to take care of him and calm his fears, which is what just about any mother would do, but the fact still is that he can't be trusted in their home. My dad is angry and upset that my mom wants to "baby" him now, and feels they should stick to their guns about him not being in their home. Now- I can see if he DOES end up having cancer, thinking about having him stay there. If you're having chemo you pretty much need someone helping take care of you. But we don't know ANYthing yet.
And as usual, I'm stuck here in the middle, trying to comfort and console everyone and being the translator and mediator for my family.
But ill wait until Friday to start worrying about all that, tomorrow (well officially now since its after midnight here) is my birthday, and I have an afternoon of making Halloween decorations planned with my 4 year old, going out to dinner with my husband & girls, visiting with friends, and eating some yummy fancy peanut butter & chocolate cupcakes that I ordered from a friend who has a small business
Thanks everyone who has shared your support & story with me, I do appreciate it alot.
Heather
his injury, and that he needed to come back & speak with a doctor ASAP. She could/would not tell him anything further. My dad took him the next morning and went with him to see the Dr, showed him the X-ray, and showed him a suspicious area in the bone and something that "could be" a tumor, and said he needs a bone scan and biopsy right away.
He has been to his regular doctor since, and his appointment for the scan & biopsy is being held up by paperwork because he has no insurance and those tests are pricey. Tentatively his appointment is the 16th but his Dr is trying whatever she can to move the date up.
I'm not a pessimistic person, but I think it may be something bad. He told me in a phone conversation earlier in the week that he was turned down from donating blood that day- something came up abnormal in his bloodwork & he couldn't donate- and they would call him or
he had to come back or SOMEthing to that effect, in 10 days. So those two incidents, plus the fact that my mom and I are both breast cancer survivors, and I had genetic testing done & was found to have one of the breast cancer gene mutations- it's hereditary, men can also inherit this gene & those that do have it have a significant risk of several forms of cancer. From family history we've deduced it is from my mom's side of the family, and he has a 50/50 chance of having it.
I'm having all these different emotions right now :/ I wouldn't wish cancer or chemotherapy on my worst enemy- it is hell. Of course I don't want my brother to have to go through that, or God forbid the alternative. He is scared. My mom is scared too, and understandably wants to take care of him and calm his fears, which is what just about any mother would do, but the fact still is that he can't be trusted in their home. My dad is angry and upset that my mom wants to "baby" him now, and feels they should stick to their guns about him not being in their home. Now- I can see if he DOES end up having cancer, thinking about having him stay there. If you're having chemo you pretty much need someone helping take care of you. But we don't know ANYthing yet.
And as usual, I'm stuck here in the middle, trying to comfort and console everyone and being the translator and mediator for my family.
But ill wait until Friday to start worrying about all that, tomorrow (well officially now since its after midnight here) is my birthday, and I have an afternoon of making Halloween decorations planned with my 4 year old, going out to dinner with my husband & girls, visiting with friends, and eating some yummy fancy peanut butter & chocolate cupcakes that I ordered from a friend who has a small business
Thanks everyone who has shared your support & story with me, I do appreciate it alot.
Heather
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Hi Sookie, I'm so sorry about your brother. Is he possibly an IV drug user? If so, as horrible as this sounds, they often inject themselves between their toes and other spots on their feet. The medical staff could be seeing an infection that has progressed to the bone. It happens. It would also explain why he couldn't donate blood with an elevated count from fighting infection. As difficult as it is...try not to figure trip. This could very well be the factor that makes him realize he is ready to really live. Big hug to you today. Hang in there.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 26
Lizwig- thank you for your response & support and yes he has been an IV user, although he "said" that he has not shot up during his current relapse. Smoking crack is his drug & method of choice, but heroin is his second runner up :/
I did not even think about infection from that, I will talk to him again today. When he is not using crack he is frank and honest with me, and I know that at least for the past two days, since he has painkillers for his foot & will have to be on something to treat the pain until he has surgery to fix it (he sees the "foot doctor" next week)- and since he is on lock down at my parents house (willingly, actually- he can't leave the house. He walks out the door they don't let him back in AND they call the cops), and they won't allow ANYone over to see or talk to him. He has no way to get any dope- the bag of clothes and personal items he came with has been thoroughly searched (mom is a pro at it by now). He is not withdrawing from heroin at this time thankfully, because he has only used it a couple times since this most recent relapse, and only when either it was free to him from whoever he was hanging around with at the time, or he could not get any crack. I've seen him dope sick from H many times, and it's pretty bad. I'm sure he's feeling some sort of effects from withdrawal from crack, but I don't know what those effects are like, I just know from what I have heard, and seen with him, that H withdrawals are among the worst.
So he has his pain meds (which I believe are Norco- that or Vicodin), and coffee, a couple cigarettes a day, and some REAL and healthy food to eat, and so far he is doing ok. I know the pain pills are a crutch for him right now, and that if my dad were not keeping the bottle of pills on him at all times & dispensing them per the dosing schedule, he would probably eat them all in a day. But his foot is absolutely horrendous- now that some swelling has gone down it looks like it was smashed with a sledge hammer, so I have no doubt that he is in incredible pain also.
The thing that gives us hope is the fact that he sought out assistance from, and has been accepted into a program at, an inpatient, residential treatment center that is located in another city almost 2 hours from here. I had contacted a local substance abuse resource as a last resort because finding what options are available to him was THE ONLY THING I could do to help him. I won't give him money, I won't let him live with me, I didn't even make any phone calls for him. I found the local resource website online, emailed my story & asked if they could help my brother get help. She said yes, I have him her name & number, and he got the ball rolling right away. He was actually really surprised and appreciative that I would even do that for him.
Wow, I really need to learn how to shorten up my posts on here! Ima bit of a rambler
Thank you again, and I will bring up the IV use to him & we can ask the Doctor if that could be a correlation.
-heather
I did not even think about infection from that, I will talk to him again today. When he is not using crack he is frank and honest with me, and I know that at least for the past two days, since he has painkillers for his foot & will have to be on something to treat the pain until he has surgery to fix it (he sees the "foot doctor" next week)- and since he is on lock down at my parents house (willingly, actually- he can't leave the house. He walks out the door they don't let him back in AND they call the cops), and they won't allow ANYone over to see or talk to him. He has no way to get any dope- the bag of clothes and personal items he came with has been thoroughly searched (mom is a pro at it by now). He is not withdrawing from heroin at this time thankfully, because he has only used it a couple times since this most recent relapse, and only when either it was free to him from whoever he was hanging around with at the time, or he could not get any crack. I've seen him dope sick from H many times, and it's pretty bad. I'm sure he's feeling some sort of effects from withdrawal from crack, but I don't know what those effects are like, I just know from what I have heard, and seen with him, that H withdrawals are among the worst.
So he has his pain meds (which I believe are Norco- that or Vicodin), and coffee, a couple cigarettes a day, and some REAL and healthy food to eat, and so far he is doing ok. I know the pain pills are a crutch for him right now, and that if my dad were not keeping the bottle of pills on him at all times & dispensing them per the dosing schedule, he would probably eat them all in a day. But his foot is absolutely horrendous- now that some swelling has gone down it looks like it was smashed with a sledge hammer, so I have no doubt that he is in incredible pain also.
The thing that gives us hope is the fact that he sought out assistance from, and has been accepted into a program at, an inpatient, residential treatment center that is located in another city almost 2 hours from here. I had contacted a local substance abuse resource as a last resort because finding what options are available to him was THE ONLY THING I could do to help him. I won't give him money, I won't let him live with me, I didn't even make any phone calls for him. I found the local resource website online, emailed my story & asked if they could help my brother get help. She said yes, I have him her name & number, and he got the ball rolling right away. He was actually really surprised and appreciative that I would even do that for him.
Wow, I really need to learn how to shorten up my posts on here! Ima bit of a rambler
Thank you again, and I will bring up the IV use to him & we can ask the Doctor if that could be a correlation.
-heather
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Hi Sookie, great news to hear your brother made the call regarding inpatient treatment for himself. Let's hope he is ready to accept all he learns and incorporate it into his life. Sending you strength today. Fingers crossed this is a new beginning for your family....especially your brother.
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