Whiterhino24

My wife recently filed separation papers and kicked me out of the house because of my drinking, I have stopped and now been sober for 18 days and I don't ever want to drink again. I have had to stop by the house for a number of reasons over the last few weeks to get some of my stuff and I look in the fridge each time and I see that she has been drinking 3 to 4 heavy alcohol beers a night by herself while taking care of our daughter. Now she filed that I have to have supervised visits with my daughter because I can't be trusted to not drink while I am around her. I have never put my daughter in harms way with my drinking. I would always drink after she went to bed so she would rarely see me drink and I would never get intoxicated at night if I was the only one watching her. My wife is getting well over the legal limit by drinking as much as she does each night and being the only one that is around to make sure that nothing happens to our daughter and if something does happen be able to drive her to the e. r. if necessary. Am I out of line for thinking this is completely unacceptable and should I bring it up to the court system?

(edit) I did express my concerns to her about this and her comment was its my space not yours and your the alcoholic I am not and she changed the locks so she thinks I can no longer get into the house. Everyone know how to break into their own house. I took the lock number down and had a key made today.

longbeachone

Dear Whiterhino,
Do you have a lawyer representing you? If not, then do whatever you can, beg, borrow or steal (well maybe not steal) the money to hire one. Decisions made at early stages will have major consequences later on. Then be completely honest with your lawyer and let them guide you. Fathers rights are difficult to secure. There are actually some support groups out there for Dads, so research them and get involved...educate yourself. Divorce and custody issues are a nasty business, especially when there is a lot of hostility. Sometimes, parents are so intent on harming each other that they put what's best for the children aside. Judges have seen it all, so be different and act calmly, rationally and always with your daughters best interests at heart. Try as hard as you can to be on good terms with your wife. If she brings up alcohol, be ready to tell the court about every single thing that you are doing to stay sober. I'm sorry you're going through this mess, but you will one day be so happy that you stayed sober for your daughters sake.

Remember, take the high road (no, not "that" high!). This too shall pass.

Dee74

I have no advice WR but I'm really sorry for your little girl in all of this.
If you keep your motivation on whats genuinely best for her, I don't think you can go far wrong?

D

Whiterhino24

I have been very good and patient through this but her changing the locks sent me over the edge and makes me now want to fight it out. I still love her very much and I have put her through a lot this last year and she tried to help but I am a stubborn person, like she is, so I kept ignoring the problem. I am sure if I fight this I would be allowed back in the house and the restraining order lifted because I have never been aggressive towards her and never been in trouble with the law. I was respecting her wishes by moving out and letting her cool down a little but I am finding that she just wants to fight. I don't want things to be hard on my daughter so I want to work it out but I feel I am being pushed into a corner and I will have no other choice.

CharlieNoogan

If she has a restraining order against you I would STRONGLY advise staying away from her and following all conditions. Even if she invites you over, all it takes is something small to set her off and you could be arrested. Violating the restraining order will not help you in your custody proceedings. I also assume you do not enjoy jail.

Whiterhino24

Nothing has been finalized so for the time being the restraining order does not exist. I still have to complete a parenting class and then meet with a judge before its finalized.

MythOfSisyphus

You need to get legal advice, for sure. You have to protect yourself and your daughter, but your wife needs protection, too.

SkyeSea

Yeah, I popped back to say what Charlie has beat me to If she has a restraining order, you do NOT want to be using that key you've had made - in fact, I'd get rid of it!
Getting keys made and checking her fridge, is not going to look good

Hope things work out for you - you need to be squeaky clean and regardless of how far your buttons are pressed, do NOT react in any other way, than in the interests of your daughter.

Good luck.