Zebrapop

I think I need a little more advice. Things have been going good...well I feel better. My husband is out of the house and going to meetings and seeing a dr who us following his Suboxone use. Not to re-hash my story but i personally and very angry still. I told him that he needs to keep doing what hes doing but he needs to keep me out of the equation. I cant go there with him. Does that mean we are headed for divorce court? Maybe. I dont know. What i do know is im not ready. Im also not ready to go with him to a therapy appt so they can tell me how addiction is hard. Well so is being the victims of addiction...me and my three kids. I know its hard! Ive been living in hell for two tears while you denied, denied everything! Thats hard. Hearing my son say " if he comes here one more time whining poor me, im calling the police! I feel bad for my sister who has to listen to him". Now mind you we dont scream and yell but he is vety selfish and will come here saying "why are you doing this to me?!! Im begging you, why are you throwing so much hate at me?!" Now i tell him im angry and not ready. He calls that hate. Im open and honest about my feelings. He told me he went to a meeting somewhere on saturday. I couldnt find anywhere there was a meeting there. I know that prob doesnt mean anything but im fearful hea just going to meetings hoping i will say "ok. Come back". He told me he relapsed one for one week in february. Then a few days later it was "i told you i relapsed a few times!" I guess my question is..is it wrong i want him to pour his heart out to me and tell me all the details?" Thinking ive been crazy foe the last twp years wasnt fun and it changed who i am and i need him to do that. Is it wrong? I dont think i can ever go back to him without it.

Ann

It's not likely he will ever pour his heart out to you and tell you all the details of his addiction. Why? Partly because he won't remember some of it and partly because he will feel ashamed of the part he does remember.

Dear, we can't change one moment of the past so whatever happened then had now faded into eternity. We cannot predict one moment of the future, it all lies in the eternity before us.

But we can learn to live today, to find love in our hearts and see the beauty that surrounds us. That's very hard to do when we feel angry, resentful and broken. So maybe it's time to heal ourselves. Maybe it's time to let go of the toxic feelings that are poisoning us and embrace recovery in a way that is life changing?

Can you find any meetings near you? If you can maybe give them a try, and then try them again until you find one that feels "just right".

You have children who need to live in a home filled with peace, who need to find peace themselves. Instead of letting more chaos in, maybe sweep the anger and resentments away and find a better way to live each day.

I did, many here did, and I can tell you it wasn't easy...but it was soooo worth it. Please give it a try, won't you?

Hugs

Raider

I'm sorry you have to go thru this. Prayers your way

Zebrapop

Thanks for the advice. I do take it all in and know what you're saying is right. However I have to go thru these emotions to get to where I need to be. And there is a lot to get thru.BWe don't fight or argue in font of them about this stuff generally. They just feel the tension. My husband is selfish in the sense he is so horrified I have kicked him out that his own selfish needs come before protecting the kids and what thy may hear. That's my issue. I want him to get a grip and realize that just because he is in therapy doesn't mean I have to stay in this marriage. 3 years ago , Yes, after two years of emotional abuse, Don't think so. I know it's hard for him. I know addiction is horrible. I live it. I just am tired of him playing victim. Thanks again. I truly value your opinion and hope sooner than later I can be free from this anger.