Time is running out-

Old 06-04-2004, 10:59 AM
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Time is running out-

Hi gang,
Now is a very crucial time in my life because I am
in the toughest position I have ever been in.
I am not with my AH.
I have a small child.
I am pregnant and due soon!
I am realizing now that nothing will make him stop-
And I don't think I am willing to put my kids through his sh8T.
On the other hand,
I know that I do not want to raise two kids
by myself...

Whenever I confront him about these issues, which is
usually by e-mail (because I find it easier to write),
He just ignores me and doesn't respond.
It's not that I don't think he hears
me, I just don't think he knows how to react
and figures that if he ignores these issues long
enough there will be no more choices left for me.

He is happy as pie about this whole thing mainly
because he has had no responsibility at all concerning
ANY of his children...

He is a happy drunk which is great and all I'm sure
compared to some, but nevertheless, he is still
a falling down, slobbering, disgusting and clingy
drunk!

If I think of only myself and what's best for me
at this point I am considering adoption.

I just can't imagine me thriving very well on my own
with two kids- two daycare bills- and little ol'
me.
Help?
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Old 06-04-2004, 11:22 AM
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Hi Zionlion.

I wish I had some magic words to say. This is a horrible choice for you to have to make and I know you must be beside yourself. You're in my prayers.

Wish-I-could-hug-you-in-person-hugs,
Smoke
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Old 06-04-2004, 12:31 PM
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Hey ZionLion,
I'm sorry that you are faced with such hard decisions.
Sending some light and strength your way,
Gabe
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Old 06-04-2004, 12:53 PM
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wow....that is a tough choice. You sound like a strong woman though. I am sure you will make the decision that is best for you and your children. I am sorry that his drinking puts you in this position.

I guess I would re read some posts on here. And be sure that you are doing what YOU think is best and not what you think you SHOULD do for kids, or based on what others think you should do. I listen to others too much sometimes and worry about what people will think.

Kids are strong and resilient. Stronger than we give them credit for sometimes. many good thoughts going your way from me.
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Old 06-04-2004, 01:00 PM
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Oh Zion, I ache for you!!!!! I'm so sorry, God bewith you, and also my prayers! ((((Zion)))
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Old 06-04-2004, 03:23 PM
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Zion,you are not alone,God is with you, there is alot of help out there for single moms. this situation will not last forever, Its hard to get back on your feet, but you can do it. I will pray for you and your children,there is hope
Hugs Debbie
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Old 06-04-2004, 04:42 PM
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Sometimes I think the fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all. But really, the unknown is everywhere and everyday. We have no control over some things.
I think that many people can relate to you feeling scared and overwhelmed right now.
I can only hope that whatever decision you make will be the right one for YOU.

Just as a sidenote* I'm not trying to be negative and I'm not sure about the laws in your state, but I'm under the impression that it's basically the same in all of them so you may want to check. But if you decide to put your child up for adoption, I believe you need the father's agreement as well to that decision. If you want adoption and he doesn't, it may be possible for him to get custody of the child. Unless you prove him unfit, etc. which could become another whole headache in itself. My point is that you may want to check into the law. In the end, it may help you make a decision.

Wishing you lots of peace.
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Old 06-04-2004, 07:51 PM
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Considering adoption is a very strong move. I can't even imagine what you must be going thru. I having no children don't understand, but I feel compassion for you, and I am glad that you are thinking about your children and their future...good luck and a big hug!
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Old 06-04-2004, 08:08 PM
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I cannot only imagine what you are going through, I am right there with you honey. I thought for sure I was the only one because I felt so alone in the situation that I am in. My husband refuses to accept that he has a problem even though he definatly sees that his drinking hurts me and that he is putting himself and others in danger when he gets drunk and drives around. I have a little girl (my soulmate) and am due in two months with a little boy. My husband left tonight after I told him that I just couldn't live my life like this anymore. I feel like I spend WAY too much time worrynig about him and WAY not enough time not worrying about this new baby or my own health. I have had too many sleepless nights and too many nights alone.

Sorry I am rambling, it's my first post. My point is, you are not alone. I know what your going through and it makes me sad to think about someone else having to deal with that much pain when it should be such a happy and exciting time. You will be in my prayers tonight.

Prego
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Old 06-05-2004, 10:03 PM
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hey Zionzlion127,

Your situation is very unfortunate. I feel for you, your child, and the child to be. I Agree with Standing Strong that the fear of the unknown is harder than dealing with everything once you remove yourself from the situation. Was your AH an A when you met him?! If so, I hope you didn't think that by having children it would make him change. Nothing will make them change except themselfs. We have to determine if we can hang on for the rollercoaster ride with our A's or if we just get to much nausea on the ride. Either way when we married our A's we made that decision to do so. It is a disease for them, an illness. We can have compassion or we can get the he88 out. But the decision is ours and ours alone. They make a decision every day to drink even though it is hard on the marriage and they know how much we hate it. Have you ever asked him what he would think if you weren't together and the next man in your life helping raise his children was also an A?! Treating his children the way he does when he drinks(not that it is bad but we know that they can be hateful when they don't mean to). I guarantee he would not tollerate another A raising his children! So why should we!! My prayers are with you and I hope you find your answers you are looking for!
Claudia
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Old 06-06-2004, 04:46 AM
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Wow!
Mind blowing posts!
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Old 06-06-2004, 04:49 AM
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I appreciate everyone's unwaivering support.
I was really afraid that that post would
cause some negative feedback but
you all are just incredible!
Thanks again-
Zy
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Old 06-06-2004, 05:32 AM
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Zy
My thoughts are with you. I can remember thinking the same thing about adoption back when I was 18 and pregnant. My father was an A, my boyfriend was an A. I knew then that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with an A and I didn't want to move back home with my A father. Hard decisions. It really is an awful feeling to be faced with this choice. I ended up keeping mine and leaving the A boyfriend when he was only 3 months old. My son is also disabled and believe me it was hard at first. There are support systems out there. My son is 29 now and still with me and my other 17 year old son I have with my AH. Go figure. I married him when my 1st son was 10. Was it the right choice?? I do not know. He may have had a better life with 2 parents and not an A stepfather. I don't know. Sometimes I think he would have been better off with other parents but that is what I did. My AH has been going to AA for 3 years now and I just started Alanon. I guess I just didn't think it would last. All you can do is think about it and not make any qick decision that will not be right for you and your children. My prayers are with you.
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Old 06-06-2004, 05:48 AM
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ZionLion

I am sorry that it all seems so hopeless right now, but please take a deep breath and don't do anything until you feel better. I am so sorry that you are going through this alone, but please know that we are all walking beside you.

My mother was widowed with 3 children when I was 6 years old, and she had no particular training to work, but she found a job with the Goverment in the Tourist industry, which she loved, and she managed okay and gave us all lots of love and responsibility to share.

It may seem hard, but if you need to and if you want to you CAN do it alone. God always provides for us and gives us what we need, not always what we want, but we are promised that we will get our daily bread and although I would always prefer to know the whole loaf was there, daily is good enough for me.

Staying or going is always a personal choice here, and many have learned that they can stay and still find happiness. The thing is that the key to our happiness lies with us, and nobody else holds it, not even your husband. It took me a long time to find that key, but by working a program and focusing on my recovery, I can honestly say my days are happy.

Take your time. You don't have to do anything today, or until you are ready. Doing nothing can be an action that allows you to wait for the answer. Just try to make a plan, on what you would do if you left and what you would do if you stayed, and keep that in a safe place in your mind so that you know you have options and aren't trapped anymore.

Hugs and prayers for all of you
Ann
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