teardrop

hi from the title, you must have guessed ive relasped, i used to be a daily drinker, recently ive been binge drinking, last drink was monday just gone

1 how can i go back to my local aa group and tell them, as i been lying to them, saying i was sober when infact i was binge drinking? i dont feel i can go back there now

2 for the 1st time ever i want to stop drinking for me, dave, noone else, not my wife mum kids police court but just me im sick of it now

3 how the heck do i calm my resentments down?? i hate my neighbours they keep causing me hassle by doing childish things, like complain to council complain to benifits threaten me with violance write things on face book about me, everything they do is sly and they are getting away with it, even when he threatened to hit me with a garden spade he didnt even get arrested

but because last time police came, i was drunk, i get arrested for saying if they dont stop it ill smash their windows

i just said i didnt do anything

i resent my neighbours so much i cant put it in to words,i resent the police for arresting me for threatening criminal damage and not him for threatening assault

i just cant get all this out my head

im scared

i dont know what to do but i do know i dont want to drink

ps i suffer very bad with ocd and depression, and in last 3 months sinceall this stuff been going on with neighbours my ocd and depresion is at its worse again

dave

Anna

The main thing is to stop the negative thoughts and get back at recovery work again. You can do this! I'm not an AA member, but I expect that, if you go back, they will understand.

Stay off facebook. Close your account and leave it alone. Avoid your neighbors when possible and focus on YOU and your recovery.

Have you talked to your dr about OCD and depression? It's possible that counselling could help you.

teardrop

yes i told my doctor he is arranging counceling but says its a long waiting list

i dont have face book account, someone showed me it on theirs

i want to avoid / forget neighbours but they are in my head 24/7

Ruturn

The AA group will take you back. I had to tell mine on Tuesday that I was drunk on Sunday. It was very hard to do, but I had to face my fears and just do it. They were very, very accepting and it helped me a lot. I've finally gotten to the point where I want this for myself, too. Not for anyone else and not just because I should. I want released from this prison I've put myself in, and the only way I can do that is to change my life. Step one for me is facing the fears I've been running from for so many years. Good luck!!

LadyBlue0527

teardrop, I have yet to sit in a meeting where someone returning walked in and I saw anything but looks of relief and happiness on members faces who know that person. They were ecstatic that the person was coming back.

There is no one who can understand an alcoholic like another alcoholic. You aren't the first who continued to use and you won't be the last. The important thing is that you want to get and remain sober.

I wish you the best, please, go back.

longbeachone

Hi Teardrop. Yuck...I know how bad it feels in those early days, especially after relapse. I want you to know that I think you have come to an important place...that of surrender! To surrender completely, you must hand over all of your ego. I mean all of it. If you can do this, you will find things becoming much, much easier for you. Make yourself completely open to recovery by being scrupulous in your honesty (but do not do so if you will be openly hurting another person by doing so).

Your ego is making it hard for you to go back to your group. Let it go! Go back and be honest about your relapse. That is what recovery is all about. Do you honestly think you are the first person to go through this? Obviously, we have all been in similar situations. Going back and being honest is the right thing to do. Believe me, you will be helping someone else who is struggling by being honest.

Your ego is being bruised and battered by the actions of your neighbors. Let it go. Use the great advise of Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Krishna... Turn the other cheek. When your neighbors offend you, smile and offer them only kindness. You will be shocked at how quickly you remove all of their ammunition to hurt you. Don't read Facebook. I'm sure that this sounds impossible, because your pesky ego is saying NO NO NO. Once again, surrender. You don't have to love or even like them, but ACT AS IF you do. If your ego objects too much remind yourself that by not buying into this craziness you'll be annoying them more than ever.

Make yourself an open book and be grateful and gracious. You'll find sobriety.

jaynie04

Hey Dave. You mentioned the OCD, I can relate, it can be paralyzing. If it can't be perfect why do it all all, all or none. Even knowing it intellectually doesn't help. Because we are so tightly wound external events have a dramatic effect on us.

I have major noise anxiety, my neighbors have been doing construction for 2 months. There are backhoes dropping boulders into the back of dumpsters. I don't know them but the weird thing is, it feels personal. I feel like is being done to me and at me. In reality it has nothing to do with me, but it is something in MY environment that is out of MY control so I internalize it.

I totally get it, it is really hard to ignore something that infringes on your personal space, especially when it is deliberate. However, I have found that when I go into victim mode everything feels worse. I get caught in reactive mode, and that feels terrible. I start to feel desperate and helpless. Because I know the way my brain works I try to think about whether that thing that feels huge at the time will matter in 5 years. Am I gathering reasons not to move forward?

OCD and depression can have a physiological origin. It is great that you are on a list to see a therapist. I take some medication, it helps me from feeling overwhelmed. But there is a lot of behavioral training that is also important to me. I used alcohol to dull down the fact that I process things too intensely, big mistake.

It sounds like AA has been working. You are absolutely not the only one who has felt shame about going back after a slip. At the end of the day, this is about you, your sobriety. If AA helps, use it. That word use is a verb, because you don't answer to anyone, and if there is something out there that can help you stay sober then you have the right and the capacity to draw on that resource. You aren't better or worse depending on how many days you have, you are simply at a different point in your journey. There may be people who want to make you feel uncomfortable about a slip, you aren't there for them, you are there for you. They are in charge of steering their own ship, and you are at the helm of yours. You are simply passing each other on your journey.

At the end of your journey on earth, when you look back down the long road that you have travelled this could be a spectacular point in your life. A point when you realized that regardless of what the neighbors do or say, or the opinions folks make have about your relapse...this is your life, and your sobriety. I have different manifestations of this exact issue. When I look to external sources to gauge who I am, what I am worth or how I am supposed to live my life....that is when I get in trouble, and it sets off a chain of reactions. It's very similar to picking up a drink, I give my power away and that is when the footing under me crumbles. You are not giving up a resentment for them, they don't win, you do.

Cascabel

Dave, your sobriety is much more important to you than is dealing with the neighbors. Sure, you want to balance the books; I'm sure I would feel the same were I in your shoes. But, the way to put paid to the neighbors is to get sober and get your mind clear. Then, in full possession of your intellect, plot out some fiendishly clever way to embarrass them. But, until you are completely ready, you need to put the bas***ds completely out of your mind. Rest, recover, plan and then wham!

least

I'm sorry you're in such a bad place right now. I agree that your sobriety should be your first priority. Take care of yourself before you do anything else.

Dee74

Welcome back

I doubt you're the first bloke in AA who relapsed Dave. Go back.
Don't let your pride keep you down.

Sorry the neighbour thing is still troubling you.

Sometimes we get bad neighbours.

If you really can't move, and there's nothing else you can do anything legally, you're gonna have to learn to live with it Dave.

See a Dr about your OCD and depression, and don't let numpties rent space in your head.

D

SkyeSea

Teardrop - I really sympathise with you re: your neighbours. I had that in the past and it's horrendous when you can't relax in your own home.
I'm wondering if you know about the support forums? Here's the link...

Neighbours From Hell in Britain

I found it invaluable in the past - hope it helps x

Pipping

I can hear your pain in your post. I am sorry you are going through this. See your Dr about your anxiety and depression. I know it's stressful to have awful neighbours, we had anonymous letters from a neighbour regarding our dog making noise which was a bit strange because we didn't own a dog. There are numpties everywhere. Ignore them, keep off Facebook and concentrate on yourself.i wish you all the best.

sugarbear1

You aren't the first person to be dishonest in a meeting, you won't be the last.

This time, get honest. Let them know you relapsed and have made a decision to return and to get well. Work those steps!!!

Sending you love and hugs,
~SB

Tamerua

The best people to help you are the AA members and your sponsor. Tell then, they will accept you. As for your neighbors, it sounds like the only way to deal with them is with a clear head. You got this.

Johnston

My AA group welcomed me back after I went back out. Not a big deal. That's what they're there for.

teardrop

ive chose a different aa group to attend and ive got a sponsor

but please PLEASE can someone tell me how to get my neighbours out of my head i want to smash their faces in

they called the benifits people on me and this is what their statement said

david works on his car in his back garden he drives his car daily he walks his children to school and he has a face book account

i dont beleive the benifits agency took them serious??????????? and i dont have a f////ing face book account, and so what if i did

what the f has any above got to do with how it affects me being on sick for ocd depression anxiety alcholism????????

i want my neighbours to f off

i certainly want my neighbours to f off out of my head

dave

Dee74

I'm not sure what any of that has to do with the benefits people David but maybe it's different in Britain.

If people are spreading lies and you can prove they're lies - you're golden.

if you stay calm and act responsibly, their claims look foolish - if you go round there threatening violence you'll be the one spending time in a cell.

There must be people you can talk to in the council or the police or whatever?

D

teardrop

i agree i dont see what its got to do with the benifits system, and i cant beleive they took it serious

i dont like the police, and any help they offered me last week when i got arrested has not been followed through

i am on a waiting list from my doctor for counceling

but its now, the time ive got to wait, that concerns me

its making my depression and ocd 10 times worse

AlefVavResh

Maybe say the serenity prayer? Even if you don't believe it.

Amajorityofone

Friend-

You have power over your mind, not over other people or outside events. Therefore, direct your energy into the things which you can control. Such as not drinking, practice breathing more deeply and slowly when you become angry, and only associating with people that will improve you.

Avoid putting energy into the people, places or things be they real or proverbial, which you cannot control and that are simultaneously detrimental as well as incongruous to your sobriety.

This is the beginning of wisdom.

Good luck and God Bless