NAP

Well, I got sober for about 15 months a while back, and I'm drinking again. It's gotten worse as it does, and I now drink alone alot. And I drink more now.

My biggest problem is loneliness. I have been without a partner for over 10 years. I'm just too scared to let someone get close to me, and I end up pushing everyone away because it's safer being alone. But it's hurting me in the long run. I also remember feeling very lonely when I got sober.

I drink also to be social and take the edge off and to get relief from being alone. Yet my drinking is keeping me alone, I believe. The only guys I'm attracting recently are massive drunks, because I am one myself.

I can't seem to stop. There is always something social on the horizon that I need booze for. And I am desperately lonely, and desperately unhappy. Could anyone comment on their story?

Thank you!

instant

Cant comment other than alcohol made me lonely, restentful, and fearful of the future.

Life sober is better. Could you contemplate group meetings?

Mentium

I have found that my local AA group(s) provide a social group as well as a recovery forum, much to my surprise.

I have been on a couple of hikes with members, met for coffee in town with one or two and I consider a couple of them as friends now. This has been a pleasant bonus for me - not the greatest of 'joiners' either.

When we meet up outside meetings the conversation isn't all about booze and alcoholism either by a long way. Might be worth considering?

MythOfSisyphus

Drinking was a big factor in my divorce and a big reason I too have spent most of the last decade alone. I did have a serious relationship for awhile, even thought we might be married (she was a borderline alcoholic, too). In the end it was a combination of drinking and her desire to have kids that ended things, although we remain friends.

Booze is a lie, plain and simple. It's nothing but empty promises. We drink to take the edge off of the loneliness that's caused by the drinking! It's like we're insane.

You can quit, and there is hope for a sober life. I'm glad you stayed at SR and I hope you're able to quit drinking for good.

Clemence

It's a bit of a vicious cycle; like Myth said, the drink actually contributes to the loneliness that we think it is easing. You aren't alone with SR; there are so many generous people here who understand and want to help. And maybe meetings would be a good idea too?

sugarbear1

You aren't alone in the way you feel. I felt that, too. I made myself get to meetings, worked those steps and today I am not the old yucky me. Thank goodness!

There is hope for you, too. You can be the person you were meant to be...sober, worthwhile, independent, loving, and eventually your partner will show up!

IOAA2

Nap as you see a lot of us identify with the feelings/emotions you feel. I needed to get involved and make contacts instead of following the same old pattern. I joined a couple groups and made coffee then stayed around after the meeting for a little social contact which was making me feel more comfortable as time went by. Progress is made by holding the sobriety button in and keeping on a sober path. For me it depended how much and fast I wanted it so I pursued it. BE WELL

Amajorityofone

Let's see,

You hate being alone but you push everyone away because its "safer" to be alone. Says who? ( fyi- you're doing this because you're wounded, not afraid). Once alone you exacerbate the problem of loneliness by drinking which attracts not that which you want, but that which you now, are. You won't stop drinking because, truth be told, you enjoy feeling numb more than you enjoyed feeling sober, which will once again expose the wounds that you have yet to address.

Sounds like a self perpetuated downward spiral if you ask me.

The only way to turn the story around is to, of course, stop drinking. Can you stop for just today? Can you give the next 24 hours of your life to sober thinking? That's all I ever ask of myself. There is plenty of help on this site but you have to take the first steps. Unfortunately, the strong cannot help the weak until the weak are willing to help themselves. No one but yourself can alter your condition.

Good luck and God Bless

least

Welcome back! I couldn't stop drinking until I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. It took me a while to reach that point, but once I did I stopped drinking. You can too!

Twofish

Hi, Going out on a limb here, and I sure hope I don't offend anyone, but I'm sober, I never drank, well maybe communion wine at church, but my loneliness is just about killing me. I walk around looking at my stuff, I don't talk much even to my children (they are addicts and I'm always saying the wrong thing) I am disabled so I can't work, my heart hurts, all the friends I ever had are gone or they have judged me and stay away, I cry every day since finding out my children (2) of them, were heroin addicts, my son now I just found out has been smoking pot, he is 14. Today is the 3 month anniversary of finding out my girls, whom I love so much, were/are addicts, and the 3 year anniversary of my accident that destroyed my career, broke my back and left me on disability. Loneliness is all I know, isolation, broken dreams and this unforgiving urge to fix my family haunts me every hour of every day. I'm sorry I'm concentrating and talking about me when I want to help you. I just wanted to say you are not alone, life is hard on people, even strong people. Try not to blame yourself for your issues, it just will overwhelm you. Get out of your home, smile at people, try not to drink for a day or so. Ever try AA meetings? I hear they can be helpful. I'm crying now because life is hard. I know what your thinking, go see a Dr., and I did, they just gave me benzos and Prozac. Pills don't help me. I don't know what will help me, but I will pray that you find the peace and comfort you are looking for. Do something good to you today. Maybe this will help both of us. I rarely allow my raw emotions to surface but today is a extra bad day for me, we can stop the spiral, but I think drinking is not the answer, in fact I believe it will make things/emotions worse for you. Eat well today, drink water, go for a walk. Love yourself. Take care, TF

NAP

I live in a very small town and am afraid people will talk. Is AA totally anonymous?

Mentium

Yes - to its core. It is in the interests of all its members after all..until at any rate the stigma is lifted a bit more. I attended a group, as a visitor last night in a nearby town. The members included a local GP, a local senior lawyer and someone related to an English Lord (of all things!). They were of course treated like anyone else and their presence there was totally confidential to the group.

Have no fears on that svore.

Louise82

I can definitely relate to this NAP. Whenever it felt like someone was getting close to me, I'd push them away because I was terrified I'd mess things up or get hurt. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm 31 years old and have only ever had two relationships, the last one ending more than four years ago (I use the word "relationship" very loosely in this context).

Now, 3 months into sobriety, I'm still nowhere near ready to have a relationship but by working a recovery program (AA in my case) I'm learning how to let people in and how to just talk to people and spend time with them. My sponsor actually told me to practice talking to guys at meetings, so that's what I've been doing. Maybe one day I actually will be able to be with someone in a proper relationship.

Yes, for similar reasons to Mentium, I can confirm that AA is completely anonymous. It wouldn't have worked for so many people and still be around after all these decades if everyone was gossiping about who they saw there.

Vandermast

AA is not totally anonymous, as there are often small minded persons there who have nothing better to do than gossip

sugarbear1

Have you heard about anyone in AA in your town? Any rumors?

tootsl1

NAP, I feel you returned to drinking fundamentally because you are lonely, and you are lonely because you keep people at arms length so you don't get hurt.

I believe you need to deal with what caused you such hurt originally that it prevents you from making healthy relationships. You can not have any relationship without trust, and I feel you are unwilling to trust any one not to hurt you. In adult relationships, be it friendships or more, we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and yes occasionally someone we love may well hurt us, but guess what? It isn't a mortal wound, and it makes us emotionally stronger. By protecting yourself for historic reasons you are stunting your emotional growth, and feeling lonely will want to keep returning to the one friend who does offer love- the bottle. It lies it will hurt you worst of all