am i wrong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: northern ireland
Posts: 649
am i wrong
Not sure whats up tonite Fill you in a little came out and askes h for help at end of august he said he didn't want to know any more, ,he d had enough.. Still both living in the same house .I go to work when I come home hes gone .I go to bed he comes in late goes to spare room and so life continues.Weekends gets up and leaves. The house is up for sale. He has been contacting my grown up son to see when hes coming to visit.Does he expect me to make a tea for the three of us when he cant even speak to me. Why did he never talk to me about my drinking an dwhy when I said I needed help did he walk away. Im finding all this really hard. My daughter comes home from sea soon shes in the navy and I know he ll be about then . He has his own family mother father and son I have no one other than my two children and I need some support. Am I BEING UNFAIR AND JEALOUS AND JUST FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. hAVENT HAD A DRINK IN 5 WEEKS. any ideas 
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Well done on 5 weeks sober.
unfortunately sometimes our spouses have just had too much or there may even be other issues which has caused him to be like this. You are doing the right thing quitting,with or without his help and support. Your 5 weeks sober shows that. Your living arrangements sound very difficult. Is it possible for one of you to move out prior to any sale.
Perhaps some F2F support,AA, therapy or counselling may assist you. I'd also recommend Women for sobriety, I love their statements and they are really helping me stay positive and live well
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unfortunately sometimes our spouses have just had too much or there may even be other issues which has caused him to be like this. You are doing the right thing quitting,with or without his help and support. Your 5 weeks sober shows that. Your living arrangements sound very difficult. Is it possible for one of you to move out prior to any sale.
Perhaps some F2F support,AA, therapy or counselling may assist you. I'd also recommend Women for sobriety, I love their statements and they are really helping me stay positive and live well
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Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
Hi Lommey,
Congrats on 5 weeks sober. I am only on day 2 following a large binge which has left me ashamed and physically sick. My husband has frequently has enough and in the past has gone days without speaking to me, avoiding me and slamming doors. I know how uncomfortable it is to be walking on eggshells, uncertain of what is happening and not knowing what to do to make things better. Do you feel you can approach him and ask what is going on? Do you think he would go to counselling with you? I'm sorry I don't have any other ideas or suggestions at this stage but know that I am thinking of you a sending you positive vibes today. Hold you head up and be proud you have got this far with your sobriety. I can only hope in 5 weeks I can say the same thing.
Congrats on 5 weeks sober. I am only on day 2 following a large binge which has left me ashamed and physically sick. My husband has frequently has enough and in the past has gone days without speaking to me, avoiding me and slamming doors. I know how uncomfortable it is to be walking on eggshells, uncertain of what is happening and not knowing what to do to make things better. Do you feel you can approach him and ask what is going on? Do you think he would go to counselling with you? I'm sorry I don't have any other ideas or suggestions at this stage but know that I am thinking of you a sending you positive vibes today. Hold you head up and be proud you have got this far with your sobriety. I can only hope in 5 weeks I can say the same thing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 579
Lommey, have you asked your h if his distancing himself from you is about your past drinking and only about that? Were there any signs that he hasn't been happy in the marriage in general? I guess I'm wondering, is he using your past drinking as the excuse he was needing to tell you it was over?
Sorry if this is too personal and prying, but it's hard to respond to your question in any other way.
As to feeling sorry for yourself, I say this: we feel what we are feeling. Whether someone else thinks it's "justified" or not doesn't matter as to how you are feeling right now. I think it's natural to feel the way you do, as I was feeling sorry for myself a couple weeks ago, feeling alienated from my sisters. Not proud to say it, but I felt that way. It's not a good place, mine was temporary, and I hope yours is too.
Sorry if this is too personal and prying, but it's hard to respond to your question in any other way.
As to feeling sorry for yourself, I say this: we feel what we are feeling. Whether someone else thinks it's "justified" or not doesn't matter as to how you are feeling right now. I think it's natural to feel the way you do, as I was feeling sorry for myself a couple weeks ago, feeling alienated from my sisters. Not proud to say it, but I felt that way. It's not a good place, mine was temporary, and I hope yours is too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
this is backlash from a long period of unattendid addiction...
Call it karma. it always comes back around.
karma is not nice, it's horrible often but it offers one true solace and that's honesty and reality.
one day at a time you'll make it through this..
5 weeks sober is awesome.
Call it karma. it always comes back around.
karma is not nice, it's horrible often but it offers one true solace and that's honesty and reality.
one day at a time you'll make it through this..
5 weeks sober is awesome.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
I don't know what to say to help you other than you are doing very well by staying sober for 5 weeks already. And that I agree about finding some kind of real-life support where you are. (You always have all of us here until you can find that)
Focus on that for now. Things will eventually sort themselves out and you will come through this and you will be okay.
But only if you continue to stay sober.
Focus on that for now. Things will eventually sort themselves out and you will come through this and you will be okay.
But only if you continue to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 109
Quitting drinking isn't always the magic cure to restore broken and damaged relationships. My sponsor, who has been in AA for over 30 years and was married for 52 years, told me that her marriage didn't get any better after she quit drinking. They had major issues prior to her quitting that had nothing to do with drinking. Sometimes those issues can be fixed, sometimes not. We also change as a person when we quit drinking. I think that quitting drinking is just as hard on our partner as it is on us. I don't mean to sound negative or bring you down, just wanted to give you a different perspective on things.
If your marriage is meant to be, it will work out. But right now, you are so early in your sobriety that I would focus on your continued sobriety rather than fixing your relationship.
If your marriage is meant to be, it will work out. But right now, you are so early in your sobriety that I would focus on your continued sobriety rather than fixing your relationship.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: northern ireland
Posts: 649
Thanks everyone just what I needed to hear esp about the karma c clean
nu way you could be right about the marriage being over anyway and me becoming sober may have allowed him to leave without the worry
one day at a time and whats meant to be will be I need to remember this and let my hp take charge as I cant manage my life
nu way you could be right about the marriage being over anyway and me becoming sober may have allowed him to leave without the worry
one day at a time and whats meant to be will be I need to remember this and let my hp take charge as I cant manage my life
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
It sounds like your husband has had enough, for now , at least. I was so impatient to have things get back to normal when I stopped drinking. I felt I had changed, but of course, it took my family a long time before they believed I had changed. Learning that lesson of patience was so very hard.
And, I understand how alone you feel. When I stopped drinking, it was the loneliest time of my life. My husband and two children had no interest in helping me at that time. I really had to reach deep and find the courage to change. You can do this.
And, I understand how alone you feel. When I stopped drinking, it was the loneliest time of my life. My husband and two children had no interest in helping me at that time. I really had to reach deep and find the courage to change. You can do this.
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