anniecake

Hi. I'm new. This is my first post. I know that I can't react to my husband's drinking but I don't know what to do with myself. If he had behaved in some of the ways he does while sober, I wouldn't ignore it. I don't know how to explain to other people when they ask me why he is doing or why he has done something. No one else really knows about his drinking and I'm not eager to share it with family or friends. I have 2 small boys and I'm concerned for them as well. Do I leave my husband or do I stay? When do you know? He can go months with no stupid drunken behavior but then will come home on a roll. When he drinks he becomes mean. Not physically violent but just mean and constantly angry always followed by the appropriate apologies and promises to never do it again. I am afraid the kids, my parents, my neighbors and friends are going to witness these drunken outbursts. It's humiliating even though I know I didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry for rambling, I'm just so frustrated and confused as to what is the right way to handle this. I can't just ingnore the fact that he is drunk, angry and squealing the car out of the driveway and down the street, or snapping at my dad or being sarcastic to the neighbors. HELP!

Gooch

Welcome to SR ..true you can't control his actions. You can learn to temper your reactions to him so that you can reclaim your own life.

There are some wonderfully wise family members on the alanon and naranon boards here. They have experience at changing their relationship with their alkie/addicts so that the quality of their life has improved.

Nightowl

Hey....I just joined these boards as my SO (we have lived together for 6 months) is also a heavy drinker. I didn't really realize how addicted he was until recently. He worked second shift for several months and since he never drinks before noon ever....he didnt really drink that much or I never saw it any way as I was asleep. Now that he is on days....he begins drinking on the way home and doesn't stop until he goes to sleep. I understand what you mean about worrying about people finding out. I worry to death that my ex-husband will find out and try to take the kids from me. I have 2 girls, 12 and 14. My SO gets very argumentative when he's been drinking. Every opinion is to the extreme. He never even comes close to getting violent but his extreme statements scare me sometimes.

I can so sympathize and will be checking out the Alonon boards. Have you been to an Al-onon meeting? My friends here are encouraging me too. I would do that before you make any decisions to leave. Being divorced and on your own with two small kids is no fun. I can attest. But you need to be happy too!!

huge cyber hugs to you and I hope your pain eases soon or you at least make peace with the way things are for now.

CRS3

Hi Annie,
Welcome to Sr. My only advice is secrecy is a killer. I was able to drink for 20 yrs with no one really ever noticing. It just prolongs the sickness. If it's brought out in the open only then can the healing begin. If not for your SO, for yourself.
Good luck. Sorry I dont have more to share at this time
CRS