TakingCharge999

In the end, what hurts is knowing I have failed myself, allowing others to treat me as they have treated me, and believing they know who I am more than I do.

Maybe that is why it was difficult to look at myself in the mirror. It is still difficult today but I feel the vulnerable part of me feeling a bit less vulnerable and that is an amazing feeling, something new.

TakingCharge999

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TakingCharge999

I had to let go of a toxic man, and have maintained No Contact; I had to tell my roommate I did not appreciate her taking ALL the space in the common areas; I had a really stressful interaction with my manager but what can I do? I can no longer keep quiet when someone is not treating me fairly.

fluffyflea

You are growing,don,t beat yourself up.

BlueSkies1

You do need to take care of yourself and say these things.
I'm a hothead myself. (not saying you are)
I have to remember it is not so much what I say to someone else, it is how I say it.
I can be right as rain, but I can mess it up if I come across with my hothead personality.
So do tell them...just do it...that other way, lol

lillamy

It's difficult when you've spent so much time hiding and suppressing who you are.
My thing has been emotions.
I didn't have them for all those years because, well, they sort of ran and hid.

Now I have ALL THE EMOTIONS!!! And it's exhausting. It's like they all escaped at the same time and I have to re-learn how to rein them in... but before that, I have to learn that they're not dangerous. They can't hurt me. They're just feelings. They just are. I just have to be responsible for how I express them.

Standing up for yourself after you haven't for a long time, I think, is similar.
It's easy to go to extremes because you're done being trampled on and goshdarnit, the next person who even looks like they're gonna try will get a metaphorical fist to the face. (Talking about me, not you.)

It's taken me a while to go from "anyone who looks at me sideways will be ground to dust" to being able to shrug my shoulders and go "well, I'm not gonna change my boss -- she'll be the person she is and she'll treat others the way she does -- so all I can do is decide whether I'm willing to be around her or whether I should look for a new job."

Sometimes, it's about taking a stand. Sometimes, it's about walking away. I'm slowly moving into a place where I don't feel like a wuss if I walk away.

LaTeeDa

Well said. There was a time when I would fight for what's right at all costs. And, there are times when that is the appropriate thing to do. But, more often, it's about aligning myself with what is best for my life, and many times that means avoiding a situation altogether.

L