las75

Okay, so I've been a member for a while with the back and forth thought that I can figure out how to become a 'normal' drinker. It is sooo not happening and I now have an AMAZING job, with great kids and husband and my thought is... I'm killing myself daily by having a bottle or two of wine EVERY night while having multiple black outs each week.
I set my limit at 2 glasses but that's truly a joke. I apparently have an issue and it needs to be resolved ASAP. Problem is, my husband and I socialize frequently in an alcoholic settings. I just want to be sure I see my babies have babies and be a part of their lives for the long haul. Where do I find strength when I'm not a religious person?!

SkyeSea

One thing I've learned is that people that don't have a drink problem, don't have to 'figure out how to become a normal drinker'... or 'learn to moderate' - they just don't drink that much.
We'd all love to be able to revert back, but in truth, when it gets to the point of joining an addiction website, then it's probably too late x

mecanix

For me the pain of drinking and it's issues were worse than the pain and issues of not drinking .
So for me my quality of life is better without alcohol than with it .

Bestwishes, m

awuh1

Consider talking to your doctor. If you are dinking enough to black out routinely it would be wise to get some sort of medical supervision for detox.

After that it may be time to do something different, at least if you have tried to quit before. If you are out of ideas consider AVRT. It's discussed in the secular section of this site.

AA calls itself spiritual rather than religious though it typically takes people a while to understand what that means.

All the best to you

ReadyAtLast

welcome back your drinking habits sound similar to mine.The only solution is to quit.Moderation, as you know,doesn't work.Are youlooking to quit?

I had to put socializing in alcoholic environments on hold for a while till I at least felt more comfortable in sobriety. Now i'm nearly 10 months sober and I don't like being around people drinking as there are more interesting things I'd rather be doing.

I could not have quit hanging round alcohol situations in the early stages. For me, I've had to make lifestyle changes too which I'm pleased about

It's about priorities.how much do you want to quit? If you want this you can do it.The benefits for me are being a better parent,being present for my son and seeing him grow up are more important than an alcoholic social life. In time you won't find it difficult to socialize with people drinking though you may prefer other activities too.Since stoppping drinking I'm shocked by howmany people actually DON'T drink

It will get worse-people lose their great jobs,spouses,children -it can escalate very quickly.

I use AVRT.I'd also recommend WFS Login - WELCOME TO WFS ONLINE!

las75

I think you're right. It's funny (or not really) I joined a year ago, just crazy!

las75

"It will get worse-people lose their great jobs,spouses,children -it can escalate very quickly."

This is my worst nightmare, and you are so very correct. I actually copied and pasted my initial post to my husband this evening (at 12:30 am) in an email with a request for help. I hope this will make him realize the severity of this, as we have discussed it before

Nuudawn

You do not have to "find religion" to live a sober life. You do need to desire something beyond the life you are living now though. I know for me, I finally reached a point where I desired sobriety. I wanted to leave the life I lived behind.

I am not religious, but I am definitely spiritual. I believe in a spiritual message and that love runs through this universe and has an ability to connect us all.

I believe there is a grand poetry of life....and I believe in love and connection. Although there is more, well..that's really the essence that might just get you through.

Br00ksie

I find that it am more inclined to drink if I am around alcohol.

I wanted to share this Roger Ebert quote:

The God word. The critics never quote the words "as we understood God." Nobody in A.A. cares how you understand him, and would never tell you how you should understand him. I went to a few meetings of "4A" ("Alcoholics and Agnostics in A.A."), but they spent too much time talking about God. The important thing is not how you define a Higher Power. The important thing is that you don't consider yourself to be your own Higher Power, because your own best thinking found your bottom for you. One sweet lady said her higher power was a radiator in the Mustard Seed, "because when I see it, I know I'm sober."

ReadyAtLast

It's good that you have spoken with your husband.He may not understand though as most normal drinkers don't. They say " oh justhave 1 or 2, justcut down, just learn to moderate" etc. We KNOW that we can't do that. We know we have a problem. If you husband is supportive and understanding that's great but if he isn't please don't let that be a reason for you not to quit. You can still quit,this is about you. My husband still drinks though not alcoholically. In time,when he sees you sober and the benefits of that he'll probably be glad you've quit

Dee74

Hi las

the only thing I had to do was want to be sober more than I wanted to drink - that meant a lot of changes in the way I lived and who I hung with - but they were good changes in the end and well worth considering I reckon

You've put drinking first - now try putting recovery first?

D

hypochondriac

Do you need religion for strength? I used this site. There are also secular recovery methods like AVRT and SMART recovery. AA itself isn't actually religious but there is some religious language to get past. I also would recommend avoiding the alcohol related social events for a while, just until you are more confident in your sobriety x

LadyBlue0527

Hi las, welcome to SR!

When you move the thick brush aside it's easier to see the clearing.

Do you still see the problem as the 3rd quote? You stand to lose all that you hold dear and you know that you're killing yourself and also having blackouts. However, quitting would threaten your socializing. Don't get me wrong, we all do it here. The words "Problem is" are always followed by a reason to continue drinking.

That's the power of addiction speaking and we know it well.

There's a wealth of information on this board about programs that can be used. You can find strength in any of them and by using this board. It's all in what will work for you. The first place you have to look is within yourself and realize that you want this and you need this. The want to be sober has to override the "problems" of being sober no matter the reason.

You can do this! You have a much better life ahead of you, grandchildren to tend to down the road, and being healthy enough to enjoy them!

What is the alternative?

gatorgirl67

Las, your story is mine...caught up in the vino war every evening for years.

But my kids deserve better than that, I deserve better than that...And the fact that this is a progressive disease scared me to death!!

Although, I only have a few days under my belt, it does get better with a clearer head to see how much better it can be! Give it a try!!

GGirl

AlefVavResh

Welcome back! Now that you understand that there is no such thing as "just one glass" things should get easier. You now know that at the social gatherings you simply cannot have just one glass. Ask for water or soda. I've done a couple of events and I'm surprised that no one even bats an eye - they run to get me water, lol. Stick around here and post.

james872

See the emphasized part above. Right there. That's where you find the strength.