free2Bsober13

Today is supposed to be my two month sobriety date. Last Monday I drank again, drank through-out the week, and this Monday was the last time. I threw it all out on Tuesday. Today is now day two, since I've had to start all over. When I first bought it, I just had lost all feeling about it. I didn't even care. Now I'm devastated. I haven't told anyone about it yet. I have to tell my husband, but I just don't know how. I don't want to disappoint him again. I guess I'll have to start taking antabuse again.
I had stopped counting days and being involved with others in recovery. I had also decided that I don't really have a problem. I know better than that! I feel so scared right now.

SkyeSea

The amount of times I've done what you did is unreal.
Once I would start to feel better, I'd back off from support and like you, think 'hey I can't be THAT bad' - it's stinks doesn't it.
The other thing I noticed was that when I started again, it was like I had to make up for all those days I'd missed.

Good thing is - you're two days in and as I'm sure you know, a day or two from now, you'll be feeling loads better Hang in there and try not to beat yourself up - If it was easy to quit, then this forum wouldn't exist in the first place

Hugs x

free2Bsober13

I'm extremely grateful for this site right now. It's the only safe place I have at the moment.

SkyeSea

The site will always be here and all of us lot with it
What do you mean though, its the only 'safe place' - not in any danger there, I hope? x

Mirage74

I've done it many times. Many of us don't get it on the first try, I sure didn't. I still have to fight it every day. The first step is admitting it, which you've done here, which is a start.

We are alcoholics, we like to drink ( shock). You're not the first person to fall off. You didn't drink yesterday, which is great! Now focus on getting through today.

wakko

AA Worked for me when all else failed. Will power was never enough

free2Bsober13

No danger... just can't tell people that I know yet. I just can't bring myself to do it. I know I have to though.

SkyeSea

Well if it helps, I haven't told anyone - nothing says you have to

soberclover

It's not like you need top open up and blab to everyone your new life goals of sobriety. You could simply state that you are addressing some health issues at this time. For those you are really close to such as immediate family and friends, maybe it does make sense to let them know. Especially those you live with. We've all been there. It sucks at times but the work is worth it

RightLAine

I can't tell you how many day 2's I have had. Don't beat yourself up over. We can all do this together. And you don't have to tell anyone. Be strong for you!

free2Bsober13

The reason I will have to tell is to keep from lying about the sobriety date. Lots of people don't know I'm in recovery, but for the close friends who do, I'm lying to them.

Mizzuno

Your fears are a normal response to this situation. They are only fears though. Lets look at the positive that has come from this situation. Throwing out the alcohol and not drinking is great. With the devastation that you are feeling right now, I personally would wait to tell anyone until I feel stronger mentally and emotionally. Get some time under you. Take it one day at a time. Keep walking forward. This road is not easy and so give yourself a little compassion here. Be gentle. You are not alone.

Sasha4

You are safe here with us.
Keep close.
SR looks after everyone who wants to be looked after.
SR understands when others don't.

I understand the feeling about telling your husband.
I too used to get this huge need to confess everything I had done drunk wise.
I mean bad behaviour, what I did, what I said, what others said about me.
Its an awful feeling.
The only way I can deal with it is to remind myself that the feelings pass after a few days.
However, that sometimes used to be dangerous as a few days later when the raw feelings had gone, I convinced my self I must of over reacted and was not that bad and then go back to drinking again.

Thankfully that has not happened for over 18 months now.

I wish you the best
xx

lorelei

hey free, hows about forgetting what coulda woulda shoulda been... and start afresh, you've identified you withdrew from the online support and what motivates you not to drink, so set that back up again, start back on the antabuse, get a week under your belt and tell your husband you had a slip and you have picked back up and have a week sober again, don't write yourself off, weve all been there, blips slips and almighty crashes believe me, you aren't alone, we are all here in this together xx

360shoes

Hi Free,
The deciding I don't have a problem or the deciding I don't care is what got me every time.
Those are the 2 things I have to stay on top of. Big things but just 2 so it's manageable. I like to keep things simple. Just me.

Try again. Glad you didn't give up! You can do it!

Bird615

That's how it happened to me, and I know it could easily happen again. All I have to do is isolate myself from other people that are like me again and start to not care about my sobriety.

Sticking close to SR helps a lot when I start to doubt why I need to be sober.

sgs

This hit a button with me today. I am day 49 and feeling good. I have not been on as much lately cause I have been busy--which is good. But I think the idea of being cocky and confident, which I like in myself, could also produce future problems if I don't continue to be watchful. I like the life I am making now so much better than my life 50 days ago. I did notice though as I was reading a novel that I am still in some denial. In the book, the high powered people are having high priced scotch (I love it) out of really cool glasses and having wine tasting at fancy dinners. I start to feel like I could do that and not get in trouble. NO NO NO!!!!! Didn't throw out the book cause it is an intriguing page turner that is not about drinking. However, I know I have to realize that for me it will be a great non alcohlic beverage in a cool glass--no other way.

FeenixxRising

It happens free2be. Most, if not all, of us have tried and failed a number of times.

It sounds like you became a little complacent about your recovery. I've done that as well. Now I take a little time each day to remember how horrible the drinking was. I also reflect on where I'm attempting to go with my sobriety. I've found it simple and effective. However, whatever the method, I believe we all have to take a little time each day to work on our sobriety--if only to remind ourselves how precious being sober really is.

Dee74

The important thing is you're back free2Bsober13

apart from antabuse what are your recovery plans?

D

free2Bsober13

I am going to be diligent about keeping up with how many sober days I've had. I had just stopped caring. I am still going to IOP, although I can't tell them my new date yet. I think I need to try and get involved in other meetings where I can connect with people. I'm thinking of AA. I just hate accepting that this is who I am. I never imagined it would happen to me.
Thanks for all the feedback everyone has given. It is much appreciated!