The obsessing alcoholic is crazy-making
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: On my life path
Posts: 32
The obsessing alcoholic is crazy-making
It's been a few weeks since I have posted however in that time have shown my AB's wife the website and she was glad to see this worthy website and all it could teach her and how it could support her.
It is coming up to a year since AB was removed from his home. In his communications with me he refers to that alot as if to say "well c'mon it's been a year that's long enough!" His last known drink was had in late August which tells me nope a year apparently out of your home away from your family is not enough.
It's a constant stream though of emails and text messages about how long it's been and it's time to talk. He obsesses over that and it makes me wonder;
I wonder all these things however I feel I know the answers to them. Still though it helps to know, do the rest of you with these "crazy making" beings in your lives still continue to wonder despite feeling in your gut... in your heart where all the answers lie that you know the answer?
It is coming up to a year since AB was removed from his home. In his communications with me he refers to that alot as if to say "well c'mon it's been a year that's long enough!" His last known drink was had in late August which tells me nope a year apparently out of your home away from your family is not enough.
It's a constant stream though of emails and text messages about how long it's been and it's time to talk. He obsesses over that and it makes me wonder;
- Really still attempting to play the victim in this scenario?
- Manipulation attempt?
- Still drinking?
- Not liking not being in "control" of your family ?
I wonder all these things however I feel I know the answers to them. Still though it helps to know, do the rest of you with these "crazy making" beings in your lives still continue to wonder despite feeling in your gut... in your heart where all the answers lie that you know the answer?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Yes---even though you may have a good understanding of the dynamics---the hardest thing ti grasp (for me), is that we still have no control over their sobriety--it still has to become something that they want for themselves.
So much of the time, their "bottom" doesn't correspond with the "bottom" of those of us who love them.
with family, sometimes we just have to detach and love them from a distance and pray that they come to a point where sobriety looks better than the drinking.
I understand how hard this acceptance is for us loved ones!
dandylion
So much of the time, their "bottom" doesn't correspond with the "bottom" of those of us who love them.
with family, sometimes we just have to detach and love them from a distance and pray that they come to a point where sobriety looks better than the drinking.
I understand how hard this acceptance is for us loved ones!
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Your brother's wife is holding out for a reason too. I suspect she knows enough about his goings-on to determine he is still a danger to the family.
Something else to consider - my experience was that the alcoholic's reality and mine were completely different. The way they experienced the world did not match mine, even when I was standing right next to them! It is that distorted thinking you read a lot about here and in books.
From what I hear, that does change after a period in recovery - if they are taking recovery seriously and working a solid program of some kind.
And no, I don't wonder. Both my A's are no longer in my life. That makes it easy to stop wondering!
Something else to consider - my experience was that the alcoholic's reality and mine were completely different. The way they experienced the world did not match mine, even when I was standing right next to them! It is that distorted thinking you read a lot about here and in books.
From what I hear, that does change after a period in recovery - if they are taking recovery seriously and working a solid program of some kind.
And no, I don't wonder. Both my A's are no longer in my life. That makes it easy to stop wondering!
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