hellomynameis

Hello all
I don't know what I am waiting for - a brick to fall out of the sky?
My ABF gave me access to his checking out online last month b/c of repeated relapses

In the hope I guess that I would call him out on misappropriation of funds!

He hasn't deposited a pay check - a full paycheck into this account since we started this -

So how can I monitor?

He is most likely cashing his paycheck and when I call him out on it - he gets all defensive (addict garbage thinking I know!)

So - did he pay his rent this month? No clue
Is he going to meetings like he is supposed to? NO
Does he work w/ a sponsor on steps? Not since I Have known him really

I can only guess he is spending this money on-----Drugs right? I don't know what to think except I am not thinking

I am supposed to go visit (he lives out of town to boot) to go to a baseball playoff game tomorrow-

I Have to rearrange my life to do this and I am excited or was excited to do this until I started thinking again- This is an expensive weekend away for me lots of driving - have to board my dogs

And I don't want him HIGH or strung out on a post binge high - that was what August was all about

How can I approach him today w/o causing this backlash I am expecting ?

Should I even bother?

Thanks
Carla

incitingsilence

Why monitor a grown mans bank account? Isn’t he capable of doing that himself and paying, or not paying his bills, and then living with the consequences? He is a big boy right?
Are you getting anything out this? Anything healthy that is?

And I think the brick fell already, just saying.

I wonder have you gotten anything but backlash when confronting him?
And honestly would you want someone picking apart the choices you made always giving you a hard time? That would **** me off!

It is your job to make sure he is responsible?

Is the game worth it, when you watch it at home and know for sure that there won’t be any ********, or babysitting, or walking on eggshells so he doesn’t get an attitude …

needingabreak

You should not have to babysit him and watch over him. Have you spoken to him about your feelings or given him ultimatums about his using with you around or using at all? Only you know when you have had enough and the negatives outweigh then positives. I am curious-what has you going back time after time to see him when he lives far away? What are you getting out of this relationship?

hellomynameis

I am not sure what I am getting out of this relationship. And with that I have a lot to think about. I am so grateful for all of your honesty and thoughts on this subject. I am going to start writing some ideas down on my journal pages and try to get to the root of it all - what am I getting out of this relationship? I honestly don't know.

souper

Incitingsilence I love your straight to the point talk!
Thanks for sharing hellomynameis wish u the best

overit263

Wow. That is way too much managing to want to be someone's girlfriend anymore! Sorry, I went through that with AexH and it was so stressful. I managed all the money and it got on my nerves that I had to treat a grown man like an irresponsible child. Too much stress! He's obviously doing wrong, so the question is why are you still around?

incitingsilence

My journal was my best tool in it all.

I do hope you find the answers you need. Just remember you already have them all in you. And you won't ever find any looking through him.

pravchaw

You are asking the right question. You must be getting something out of it, otherwise you would not be around. The fact is we cannot change an addict - he has to change himself. Either you accept them they way they are or walk away.