How do I get myself of wanting to get to the point of wanting to quit entirely??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
How do I get myself of wanting to get to the point of wanting to quit entirely??
I acknowledge I have a problem with alcohol. I have managed to keep it in check over the summer (usually 10-12 units per week). I have suffered no major consequences from alcohol, other than some typical embarrassing episodes over the years. I am watching my mother decline terribly into alcoholism. There is a big part of me that wants to quit completely, but there is another part of me that wants to keep trying to moderate. What will get me to the point of wanting to quit completely?
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 664
In my case, it got to the point where, quitting completely took less stress and hassle, than trying to moderate (and failing miserably)
It can't be easy for you watching your mother
Really feel for you over that x
It can't be easy for you watching your mother
Really feel for you over that x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 18
DD- this is a tricky one and something i struggle with myself. like you, outside of some humiliation, nothing SUPER terrible has ever happened to me. i have never been fired from a job, never gotten a DUI or been in an accident (by some miracle), or hit what i would consider to be "rock bottom"... though i have been close.
for some, it is a life changing event like this that makes sobriety stick. i think this is because the long term effects are more serious than, for example, the text you shouldn't have sent.
for me though, it was the realization and acceptance that i have been thinking about this for a while. i joined the forum over a year ago, and here i am back on day 2. so for AT LEAST a year i have had it in the back of my mind, but if i am being totally honest, it has been present as a necessity much longer than that.
if you are concerned enough to post, i would say total abstinence deserves a shot. i would love to control my drinking too, but bottom line is i know i can't. i am hoping that this time, i don't forget it.
for some, it is a life changing event like this that makes sobriety stick. i think this is because the long term effects are more serious than, for example, the text you shouldn't have sent.
for me though, it was the realization and acceptance that i have been thinking about this for a while. i joined the forum over a year ago, and here i am back on day 2. so for AT LEAST a year i have had it in the back of my mind, but if i am being totally honest, it has been present as a necessity much longer than that.
if you are concerned enough to post, i would say total abstinence deserves a shot. i would love to control my drinking too, but bottom line is i know i can't. i am hoping that this time, i don't forget it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Hi DoubleDragons. When I first decided to quit, it was only going to be for a month. I told myself (and meant it) that if I could quit for a month, I'd go back to moderating.
In the beginning, I looked at not drinking as a kind of experiment...how long can I go? I've been amazed at how much better I feel without alcohol, and that bolsters my resolve to not return to that hellhole. At this point, I've let go of moderation fantasies, but I don't think I would have done that on my own--it's been being a part of the SR community and learning from others' experiences that got me rethinking moderation. I don't think in terms of 'forever' because that's too nebulous. But for now, on day 43, I want to keep on keeping on.
In the beginning, I looked at not drinking as a kind of experiment...how long can I go? I've been amazed at how much better I feel without alcohol, and that bolsters my resolve to not return to that hellhole. At this point, I've let go of moderation fantasies, but I don't think I would have done that on my own--it's been being a part of the SR community and learning from others' experiences that got me rethinking moderation. I don't think in terms of 'forever' because that's too nebulous. But for now, on day 43, I want to keep on keeping on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I learned how to quit by quitting.
I guess what I'm trying to say is the need to know the answers and have it all nailed down goes away. The answer is, by quitting, over time, I stopped needing to know the answers.
I guess what I'm trying to say is the need to know the answers and have it all nailed down goes away. The answer is, by quitting, over time, I stopped needing to know the answers.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
DD the thing that got me there was advancing down the alcoholic road and nearly dying.
It doesn't need to be that way tho - but I think you do need to accept that alcoholism is progressive, moderation won;t work if you've tried it before and failed, and your future will be better without alcohol.
I know you won't accept that fully overnight, but I think a little part of you knows I'm right. Fan that spark, let that part guide you for a while.
you've given so many years to drinking - why not give a few months to not drinking and see what happens?
D
It doesn't need to be that way tho - but I think you do need to accept that alcoholism is progressive, moderation won;t work if you've tried it before and failed, and your future will be better without alcohol.
I know you won't accept that fully overnight, but I think a little part of you knows I'm right. Fan that spark, let that part guide you for a while.
you've given so many years to drinking - why not give a few months to not drinking and see what happens?
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It will only happen when your desire to get sober is stronger than your desire to drink and you choose to do it for yourself. Some reach that point before they have many ill effects of drinking and decide to do something about it. Some wait until they have major health issues, lose family, jobs, etc. And then some never do and die from it.
It's important to remember that alcoholism always gets worse too, so if you are truly an alcoholic, it's merely a matter do time until that happens. The only variable is how bad it will get and how soon.
The good news is that you can stop the whole thing whenever you want to, by making a simple commitment to yourself. Keeping it is dificult, but more than worth it.
It's important to remember that alcoholism always gets worse too, so if you are truly an alcoholic, it's merely a matter do time until that happens. The only variable is how bad it will get and how soon.
The good news is that you can stop the whole thing whenever you want to, by making a simple commitment to yourself. Keeping it is dificult, but more than worth it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
Perhaps you haven't reached your rock bottom yet. Is it better to stop before hitting bottom? Of course it is. But many, many people struggle on, trying to moderate, trying to control the uncontrollable.
Rock bottoms can be terrible places. DUI' s, accidents, blackouts, lost jobs, lost spouses and families, failed health, loss of freedom and of course, death. As alcoholics, we have the tendency to compare..."I'm not that bad yet. I don't drink in the morning, hide liquor, blackout". Unfortunately this tendency lets us ignore the escalating problems we DO have as a result of our drinking. And so we move ever closer to finally discovering what our bottom is. And it can be very bad indeed.
For those with enough clarity and self control to give up drinking when you realize it has become a problem, I salute you...You are better than I. If you are still in denial about just how big a problem alcohol has become in your life, I only hope that you find your own rock bottom before anything really bad happens.
Rock bottoms can be terrible places. DUI' s, accidents, blackouts, lost jobs, lost spouses and families, failed health, loss of freedom and of course, death. As alcoholics, we have the tendency to compare..."I'm not that bad yet. I don't drink in the morning, hide liquor, blackout". Unfortunately this tendency lets us ignore the escalating problems we DO have as a result of our drinking. And so we move ever closer to finally discovering what our bottom is. And it can be very bad indeed.
For those with enough clarity and self control to give up drinking when you realize it has become a problem, I salute you...You are better than I. If you are still in denial about just how big a problem alcohol has become in your life, I only hope that you find your own rock bottom before anything really bad happens.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
You have to come to sobriety in your own way. For Nine years I must have tried 1000 different ways to "moderate" my drinking, and failed every time. Remember that alcoholism is progressive- attempts at moderation and control get more difficult the longer you drink.a couple of years ago I finally got to the point where I realized that the alcohol was controlling me- and I still kept drinking. My desire to be sober only trumped my desire to drink after my 30th birthday (a month ago). Getting to that point was gradual and agonizing. I have never been to rehab or "hit rock bottom" per se. After over a decade of injuring and embarrassing myself, with alcohol being the common denominator, I finally decided that enough was enough, joined SR and started going to AA meetings. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
Everyone that gets sober finds their own reason. Mine is damn simple, and selfish. I choose to remain sober because otherwise I would lose relationships I care about more than I care about living at all without them.
I've had many a counselor and 12-step program person tell me that isn't a good enough reason. My reply is usually something along the lines of 'when you walk in my shoes you can say that', or something obscene.
In all fairness, I've had many others tell me that any reason that works is a good reason.
It worked fine for me for 8 years, and they were pretty good years, I seldom wanted a drink and largely enjoyed my sobriety and life. Then some rough times occurred and I got complacent about my commitment to abstinence from alcohol and blew it.
To put it in simplest terms, I'm not willing to lose what I value the most to drink alcohol.
I've had many a counselor and 12-step program person tell me that isn't a good enough reason. My reply is usually something along the lines of 'when you walk in my shoes you can say that', or something obscene.
In all fairness, I've had many others tell me that any reason that works is a good reason.
It worked fine for me for 8 years, and they were pretty good years, I seldom wanted a drink and largely enjoyed my sobriety and life. Then some rough times occurred and I got complacent about my commitment to abstinence from alcohol and blew it.
To put it in simplest terms, I'm not willing to lose what I value the most to drink alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
I think what did it for me, what really really did it is that I could not drink away the knowledge that this was no way to live and was going to be a hellish way to die.
Plus one on the mom thing. Watching her die as a result of her habits, my same habits, completely scared the hell out of me, too.
You can do this. It's better on this side of the bottle, I swear to you.
Plus one on the mom thing. Watching her die as a result of her habits, my same habits, completely scared the hell out of me, too.
You can do this. It's better on this side of the bottle, I swear to you.
Drink tea
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 21
Most of my life I kept saying to myself "I really must do something about my drinking" and for over fifty years that is as far as I took it! I never really even tried to quit; not seriously.
I actually "got" it and knew I HAD to do something when I realised I'd spent the previous few years being continually drunk, and I mean every waking hour, and even then it took another few months before I found the courage to stop.
I can't tell you how much I wish I hadn't wasted my life.
Do something now - don't wait till you get to some other state of mind, you might be waiting longer than you had expected.
Good luck.
In 19 days time I'll have 2 years of sobriety!
I actually "got" it and knew I HAD to do something when I realised I'd spent the previous few years being continually drunk, and I mean every waking hour, and even then it took another few months before I found the courage to stop.
I can't tell you how much I wish I hadn't wasted my life.
Do something now - don't wait till you get to some other state of mind, you might be waiting longer than you had expected.
Good luck.
In 19 days time I'll have 2 years of sobriety!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
In my life I found it much more motivating and profitable to move and work towards something I wanted than to fight against something I didn't like.
I taught my kids the same, fighting something keeps us engaged, moving towards what we want gets us more engaged in the things we seek.
I found the same in dealing with my addictions. I didn't have to want to quit. I didn't have to want to never have a drink again. I needed to want to live a good sober life. Like moving from a job that we liked but now had a toxic boss, or a house in a neighborhood that was gutted to a better home...there are mixed feelings. We don't entirely want to say goodbye...but move on we must. So rather than spending too much energy on longing for the way it used to be, it is more profitable to get engaged with all the good things in the new place, new job, new relationship etc.
There are times I think "it would be nice to have a drink right now"...but it's not reasonable or worth the hassle. So I go forward. Same with my divorce...I miss lots of things, so I sigh, and move forward. Etc etc.
I hope I am not making this sound like it's been easy, automatic etc for me. It takes committment and self control to not dwell and get morose (because certainly at first and even at times now) I want to wallow. But the more I practiced and more importantly the more I got engaged with my new life, the easier and automatic it becomes.
I taught my kids the same, fighting something keeps us engaged, moving towards what we want gets us more engaged in the things we seek.
I found the same in dealing with my addictions. I didn't have to want to quit. I didn't have to want to never have a drink again. I needed to want to live a good sober life. Like moving from a job that we liked but now had a toxic boss, or a house in a neighborhood that was gutted to a better home...there are mixed feelings. We don't entirely want to say goodbye...but move on we must. So rather than spending too much energy on longing for the way it used to be, it is more profitable to get engaged with all the good things in the new place, new job, new relationship etc.
There are times I think "it would be nice to have a drink right now"...but it's not reasonable or worth the hassle. So I go forward. Same with my divorce...I miss lots of things, so I sigh, and move forward. Etc etc.
I hope I am not making this sound like it's been easy, automatic etc for me. It takes committment and self control to not dwell and get morose (because certainly at first and even at times now) I want to wallow. But the more I practiced and more importantly the more I got engaged with my new life, the easier and automatic it becomes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,740
After years of telling myself I wanted to quit, I finally did something I had been a little afraid to do, and I made a list of pros and cons. The benefits of quitting vs the downfalls of quitting. The reasons to quit vs the reasons to continue.
Once it was all out in front of me I really saw no other choice
Once it was all out in front of me I really saw no other choice
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Mars
Posts: 296
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
I acknowledge I have a problem with alcohol. I have managed to keep it in check over the summer (usually 10-12 units per week). I have suffered no major consequences from alcohol, other than some typical embarrassing episodes over the years. I am watching my mother decline terribly into alcoholism. There is a big part of me that wants to quit completely, but there is another part of me that wants to keep trying to moderate. What will get me to the point of wanting to quit completely?
Why would you want to keep that link to drinking?
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I would highly recommend keeping a journal of you struggles and thoughts about quitting. When you look back over weeks, months, years, and maybe decades and see that you have been carrying on the same insane debate, it becomes very clear what the answer is.
I also like the idea of making a list of pros and cons of quitting versus drinking. Do this many times and you will see the benefits of sobriety and costs of drinking grow.
I also like the idea of making a list of pros and cons of quitting versus drinking. Do this many times and you will see the benefits of sobriety and costs of drinking grow.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
