workingonwishes

i feel like lying as an active alcoholic is commonplace, but lying in sobriety? that is something i did not expect.

i have read a lot on here about making up an excuse for not drinking at a social event when asked, for instance, "i'm on medication."

on a personal note, i called in "sick" for work today. being early in recovery, i am mentally exhausted, and felt like i needed to give myself an extra day to rest and to prepare before embarking on a sober life.

i am a hard worker and i have tons of PTO, so there will be zero consequences for calling in. however, because it is a monday and people at work know i like to party, there will be assumptions made and i find myself already coming up with a bunch of reasons that are LIES. one of the reasons i want to be sober is so i can quit lying however i am not willing to talk to my coworkers about my decision to quit... at least not yet.

anyone else struggle with this moral paradox? or do you justify it by saying it's a small harm for a greater good?

SkyeSea

Well, it's not really a lie, because technically you ARE ill Perhaps not for the reasons you gave them, but all the same.
I would just tell them how you felt today, (eg run down, headachey or whatever), but perhaps not the reasons behind it - which at the end of the day, are not their concern.

instant

Let people know on a "need to know basis". it's your own business, and it's a special time, which involves lots of changes. You are a hard worker and you are in recovery. Cut yourself some slack- do what you have to do- save the philosophy for later

Anna

I am TOTALLY against lying about why you are not drinking. And, the reason is because I lied and lied during the years I was drinking and it became a part of who I was. I lied about unimportant things and it was ridiculous. So, in recovery I was not about to lie because someone was rude enough to ask me why I was not drinking. Remember, you don't owe an explanation to anyone about your recovery. And, I would be particularly cautious around co-workers because that can go badly.

Mountainmanbob

actually what brought me to my spiritual sober bottom in AA
with a couple of years without a drink under my belt
was
an unmoral thing I was doing with a Lady friend
I called my Sponsor at the bottom of the mountain
pulled over in my truck feeling sick
told him what was going on
he asked of me one simple question

"what part of total abstinence do you not understand"

after we stop drinking we realize that
we have a lot of other behaviors that we should be rid of

the Big Book says that "we had to let go of some old ideas"

this is a good sign for the one getting sober
but
not found in all

just an example of one
some men and even women after many years sober
still cuss like sailors (not becoming especially from a Ladies mouth)

Mountainman

lorelei

I lied to maintain my drinking, however I refuse to do the same to protect my sobriety, being sober is a good time to get real with ourselves, that doesn't mean telling everyone everything, but it does mean starting sobriety on the right track x

SkyeSea

Surely 'lying by omission', in the case of the workplace, is acceptable? There is still a lot of prejudice and sterotyping against alcoholism. If WOW feels ill, he/she feels ill. No need (in my opinion) to risk making things uncomfortable by stressing why.

lessgravity

I know I need to value sobriety above all - at least to begin with. If that means making up an excuse for avoiding a booze-ridden party than so be it. Not going to get hung up on worrying about some quest for truthdom where the most important thing at the end of the day is staying sober. I could see how, down the line, once one is confident and sure in their sobriety that they could feel that honesty as to why they aren't drinking or aren't going out could become a focus for them. As advice for "newcomers"? I just think there's more important things to focus on.

lorelei

don't think everyone needs to know you're right Skye, but sometimes saying nothing is better than lying, if they're going to presume OP has been off due to drink, well yeah that's kinda right, but cos they didn't drink lol, sometimes saying nothing is better than lying, really, its none of their business anyway. xx

SkyeSea

Ah, I see. I hadn't counted on them assuming he'd been drinking. x x

wakko

For any view movie buffs out there. In "A few good men" Jack Nicholson has a great line, "You can't handle the truth."

Krodos

The "i'm on medication" line is just so you don;t have to answer the question on why aren't you drinking with "I'm an alcoholic and I'm trying to quit".

For me personally, I don't want anybody except my family and the people here at SR to know I am/was an alcoholic... It's my personal business and I don't mind telling the odd white lie to shield this fact from people.

This works for me.. but maybe not for everyone.