Twofish

Hi Friends and Family and all of SR, Finally, well at least my 22yr old has now admitted to her addiction and has found an addiction therapist. Anyway, for the past week she has been going to an addiction clinic getting her Methadone medication. I was unaware of this, she was afraid of what I would say or react. She called me Saturday and told me everything. I was so happy for her, to be off the heroin is great. My concern is trading one opiate for another (she is not aware I think this). My question to everyone is, have you had success with your loved one on Methadone? I hope this isn't an unfair question, maybe I just need reassurance? The AD is an adult, her decisions, but the mom in me is still here, wanting to (rescue, fix etc). I will stay silent ( this is so hard) Maybe this all will work out for the best and I'm just overwhelming myself with worry and guilt, which everyone knows I tend to do. So, any happy stories, any hopeful testimonials from the people who care about their addicted people? TF

Lily1918

Im not a parent, but I wanted to send you hugs! =]

I think you are right to have concerns about methadone. It is a substitute.
The silver lining that I am grateful to read about is your DD environment change.
Even though she is not in a place of abstinence Im glad to hear that she is choosing to get her "medicine" in a safe and legal way.

I hope she continues on a path forward.
Hugs once again!

Txhelp

She is choosing to do something and that is great news!

incitingsilence

You wanted her to get help and she did, be grateful. Let her learn from this experience the lessons that she needs to. No matter how you or anyone else assigns this for her, this is her choice.

Methadone has helped many people reclaim their lives just has suboxone has. I know people on both who had good results and many who had bad results and yet learned something they needed to know to save their own asses.

You really have no choice but to stay silent, this isn’t your fight nor was it your choice or anyone’s else to make. And any reaction to her really doesn’t have to do with her choices, but your own fears. So that may be another area you might want to consider working on for your own peace and sanity.

Ann

I have two dear friends whose daughters were addicted to heroin and in both cases they used methadone for a year or so to get off heroin and then got off methadone as well and both are fine healthy young ladies today (thank you God).

Methadone is a common bridge between heroin use and total sobriety. It is often misused and gets a bad rap from that, but under doctor's supervision and taken as prescribed, it has helped many people get off that terrible opiate heroin.

I would encourage her choice to get off heroin and leave the method between her doctor and her.

Hugs

Twofish

Hi Friends and Family, I just posted on the wrong forum, I'm upset, so here goes, my AD called asking for money for the moped, I hesitated, them said yes, $5, it's only a moped. Anyway, I asked her how her treatment was going and she said they upped her Methadone medicine cause her face looked red? I asked her if that was a good reason, she said I was reading too much Internet, and wished she never told me about her new treatment, and that I was unsupportive. OMG, I'm 100% supportive and told her that. She hung up and I cried. I only read SR info and she is not aware that I have joined SR. What did I do wrong this time? Should I just not ask her how she is doing? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks! TF

Txhelp

She sounds sensitive/cranky/defensive....it's not you. It's probably the changes that are going on in her life.

Try not to internalize that things that your daughter(s) say to you. They probably won't be respectful or kind, at times, due to their brain chemistry being off.

Twofish

Hi Txhelp, Thank you for the support, I think that's what I needed. This blame game and guilt trip that addiction places in my mind is controlling. I sometimes need someone to just shake me and get a gripe be strong! So I dried my tears and feel better now. SR surly is a wonderful website to moms and everyone for that matter that need a little TLC and support or just to vent without being judged! TF

Done_With_It

Emotions get completely out of whack when your getting off your doc, I was up and down, yelling and crying, and all that at the same time, lol.

She'll be okay, just take the situation for what it is, she's coming off an addiction, expecting her to act normal will just be confusing.

You didn't do anything wrong, give yourself credit for standing by her, joining this forum, and all your doing. She probably won't see how grateful she is for that for a while.

bookreader

Hey Twofish -
My AS is coming up on one year of methadone and has now started working with the clinic dr to plan for a taper. It will be a long, slow taper. I know every addict and every individual/family have different experiences, but, as I have posted before, methadone stopped my AS behaviors cold. He stopped stealing from us, stealing from anywhere else - not saying everything is perfect. He stills needs to realize he needs therapy - I know, I am saying he needs therapy, but that's my opinion and I am sticking to it.!
I am central WI if you ever want to contact.
b.

Twofish

Dear Bookreader, I was really pleased to hear that the lying and stealing, constant lying and stealing will subside some. I have a hard time with replacing one opiate with another, but I am grateful that the Heroin use has stopped for now. Se also is attending NA meetings, although with on therapeutic legal Methadone, is that ok to be attending NA meetings? Her desire to be sober is there, so her attending and listening could be helpful. Her Methadone Clinic is in Madison, she is on 40mg of liquid Methadone. The mood swings are bad right now, but I am hoping this will get better as her body adjusts to the Methadone. Isn't WI beautiful right now, the colors are almost at peak! Thanks fellow cheesehead for your support, I really needed it! TF

Lily1918

I started attending NA while using.
The only requirement to join the rooms is a desire to be sober.
My mood swings are out of control too!
Hugs to you and your daughter.

Chino

Some people have the kind of relationship where it's fine to ask about and then discuss medical issues. You and your daughter don't have that kind of relationship.

My recovering daughter and I do have that kind of relationship - now - but I don't ask any questions these days. I saw that the less I talked, the more she did

Sookie10

The fact that your daughter wants sobriety, wants off of heroin, and is going to meetings says alot about her heart being in it and really wanting a better life for herself.
In my case, my adult brother (I have to learn all the abbreviations, I'm new!) got on a methadone program in a last ditch effort to avoid another prison sentence, and not out of true desire to stop using or get better. And in his attempts in finding his high and escaping he would mix it with whatever he could get his hands on and ended up back using and back in prison.
However- like I said he did not take the initiative himself, and most importantly did not WANT to stop using. I have known several people and a few very close to me who successfully got off heroin and have gotten and stayed sober with the help of methadone.
I am glad that you are on here for support- I have been trying toget my parents to seek help and support for themselves for the past 15 years. They have been through so much and put so much needless blame on themselves for far too long. Please remember that her mood swings and outbursts are only her struggle, and not a true reflection of her feelings towards you.
I wish you and your daughter my best
Heather

Twofish

Hello! Yes, I agree totally that I should shut my mouth and not ask questions about her treatment, I will wait and when she wants to, she can tell me of her progress. That's very fair sounding to me, gosh, she isn't 12 yr old anymore. Better treat her as an adult. So, tonight's crisis...she had her ( well mine, I bought it) moped towed because of unpaid tickets, $290.00 in tickets. Crying, carrying on, freaking out! She needed the money and a notarized letter allowing her to get the ped out of the tow yard! I, of course, called the tow yard to confirm the crisis, she has lied so much during the addiction I don't believe too much anymore. Well, it's true. Her biggest issue is getting her Methadone at 5:30am Wednesday and getting to class and getting to her internship, all with the few withdrawals the Methadone doesn't relieve. So I did it, the money was put in her acct and I will go to the bank and get a notary letter and fax it down to the tow yard. She will have to find a ride to get her Methadone.thats the best I can do, in fact it's more than I should of done. More rescuing. When will my break be? Thanks for all the advice and for listening! TF

Lily1918

Maybe she can take the bus or call a cab to get to the methadone? She is afraid of missing it because she will go into withdrawls.
There has to be a way for her to get there on her own. Im sorry that this has happened. It sounds very difficult.
Please remember that you are a good mother, and that none of this is your fault in any way shape or form.

I find it hard not to ask about my loved ones recovery. I dont get offended when people ask how I am feeling. I wonder why she got so defensive. Either way it isnt your problem. I can relate to the mood swings for sure. It is so hard not to shift blame onto my parents, or Ds parents or anyone besides myself. I dont want to carry the weight of it. Maybe she is working through similar emotions.
Hugs mamma. Take good care of you.

bookreader

Hi TF -
Yes, In our case the lying and stealing stopped, but need for money continued. It continued because my AS had dug such a deep hole with credit card payments and health insurance payments. And no one would hire him for anything although he is a good worker.... I understand your dilemma, have faced it many times - the moped, pay the bill, or not. Many people here will tell you to back off completely and not pay for anything.
With heroin, if my child was willing to get treatment I would do anything to get him there. Because, it is a start and a long process.
Also, just in my opinion, if you are asked to help deal with her addiction (moped/notarized letter), in my mind you have permission to ask about her treatment. up to you. but I have asked my AS to show me a budget; I am contributing to his financial welfare; I want to see a budget.
And, yes, getting to the clinic for the dose is of paramount importance to addicts. Your AD will be very focused on what time the clinic is open and for how long. And now, you will be too. (ok, all the non co-dependent people out there, you don't need to tell me)
Curious, there are not many clinics is WI that dispense methadone; message me about this.
take care,
b.

Twofish

Hi BR, You are right, if I cut the transportation off, she couldn't get to the Methadone clinic, her classes and her internship. The clinic is on the other side of town, no busing at the time she is scheduled to show up to speak with the counselor at 5am ( I know excuses) about her progress. She did talk to me a lot about the treatment and how she hates her addiction, very heartwarming, I felt close to her. I didn't feel guilty, I felt like a mom helping her child. I was giving her emotional support. My husband had a temper tantrum, said he wouldn't help her and hung up. That wasn't right, IMO. Have a great day everyone! TF

Twofish

Hello, More crisis's with this AD. I did all that she asked, write the letter, get it notarized and faxed to the tow yard, transferred the money to get the ped out of the tow yard. So what happens? She freaked out at the bank cause her debit card had expired and they wouldn't give her the money to get the ped out of the tow yard. She called me at 4:45pm, you know what bank hours are... So I called the bank, explained the situation, they told me how to transfer the funds into another acct, have me rush down to the bank to sign the papers, then she could have the money, in fact, they trusted me (plus I have good standings with this bank) and did give her the money before I got to the bank. Yep, another rescue, a fixer, can anything else possibly go wrong now? Did I mention that I had major dental work done this morning and just felt like veggin with a numb mouth? Her emotions were all over the board, and did I get a thanks mom? Nooooo, not yet, but it's only 8:45pm. We got all night to listen to tantrums or apologies. I can't predict what will happen anymore. The saga continues, thanks for listening, this really does help to know someone out there cares to read about my little life crisis's with my old enemy addiction. TF

Chino

How about heading her off at the pass?

I can't remember who said it here: "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

I said that to my daughter when there was no crisis. I told her, hey I need to warn you in advance, so you're not blindsided later.

What's really funny is that I heard her say it to one of her friends during their crisis LOL