NewRebirth

Hi guys. This would be day 6 if I hadn't had a glass of wine tonight. But to tell the truth, I don't feel bad about it. My ex-partner and I got a bottle of wine and we're just drinking very sparingly and I am able to speak about my problems to her very well. My problems came from drinking to excess - especially when I was drinking hard liquor. But, to be truthful, having a glass of wine with dinner or two relaxes me, and does nothing to make me crazy like the hard liquor did. I understand that AA wants their members to be 100% sober, but for myself, I don't think that is possible or even wanted. It is day 6 after going on a horrible bender - and I find that having a glass of wine with my dinner is very calming. Is there anyone else out there wanting to CONTROL their alcohol intake and control their quantity, or is everyone out there in the mindset that no alcohol can ever be consumed?

Dee74

The problem I had was I had no control - it was never up to me whether I had a couple glasses of wine or drank to excess....many many times I had every reason not to drank to excess - really great reasons - but I did it anyway .

If that's in your history too....and I remember your very recent first post...I think you might want to reconsider trying control again.

D

SkyeSea

I think we'd ALL like to be able to control it, but in truth, once you get to the point of joining an addiction forum, it's generally too late.
You can get away with it once, maybe twice, but then it leaps up and bites you and takes you right back to where you started.

NewRebirth

I guess the difference between you and I, Dee74, that I do have control. I can have a drink of wine or two without having problems. My problems came when I bought a giant bottle of hard vodka and drank half a bottle, then flipped out. If my ex-partner and I buy a bottle of wine and we can drink it and have a nice night - I don't see the problem. My problem surfaces when I drink hard vodka.

SkyeSea

Do you remember posting this?? Not much 'control' then was there

It is day 2 of being sober. The past week has been completely horrible and the worst part is that I am 100% responsible, and I've destroyed very important things in my life.

I lost my job, I was violent towards my roommate, and my partner of 2.5 years has broken up with me. The worst part is that I was so black out drunk that I don't remember the horrible things I have said or done. Those actions and words could have never come from me if I was sober.

I know my first goal should be to recover, and in a way it is. But what is clouding my mind is the fact that I have destroyed my relationship. We have been through countless hardships, from being homeless to eating from food pantries to sleeping on peoples' couches until this year, when we finally got things on track. We got an apartment of our own, a car, and jobs.

But I ruined everything with my compulsive drinking, all the hard work we put into making this thing work. At one time we were engaged because we were so in love.

I can see myself never touching a drink again. I won't. But what is driving me to tears is the thought of not being with my partner. I drank to escape my anxieties, but by doing that I just created the worst possible scenario I could have ever dreamed up.

Dee74

Yeah I don't see any difference between wine and vodka I'm afraid - I drank both for long enough that I screwed up badly on both.

I'm an alcoholic - not a wineoholic or a vodkaholic

You're free to discount my advice, but I'm concerned at the 180 degree spin you've taken in 5 days from the initial post.

But you're right, you're not me - You seem determined - best wishes then NR - I sincerely hope it works out for you

D

EndGameNYC

Uh-oh.

Nattythreads

That sinking feeling.......

silentrun

It has to be your decision New ReBirth. Your post is throwing up red flags for me though. Whatever you decide I hope you let us know how your are doing

NewRebirth

I completely understand.

Maybe there are things about myself that I haven't recognized, but I have realized that when I freak out I have been drinking hard liquor. A drink or two of wine is nothing. Do you guys really think I am lying, or have a problem I don't realize yet?

silentrun

I don't think anybody thinks your lying. It is rational most of us used that's why we recognize it. It's like you get stuck on some endless loop. You can't see the truth until you stop using and you can't stop using until you see the truth. Sometimes it takes something horrendous to break that loop. Sometimes people get out of it before all the horrendous things start happening. Like I said though. It's your decision when to get off the loop.

Nattythreads

To most us mate, a glass or two of wine is "Goodnight Vienna."

Listen you're the only one who can ultimately decide. Along with taxes and death, the only other sure thing is that you'll undoubtedly find out the answer in the fullness of time. You could save yourself a whole heap of pain and regret.

There are other sites around where moderation is openly discussed. This tends to be a place of abstinence because that's what works for us.

lessgravity

I think there are lots of us, from all kinds of backgrounds and walks of life, who see themselves in posts like yours. Those first inklings of the loss of control - whether we can say it was just the hard stuff, or just when I smoke weed at the same time, or just when I feel down about my work, whatever the reason - we remember them, because they just got worse. That lack of control is what separates us from people without drinking problems.

Only you know yourself, of course, and maybe this is just a moment in time. But to me, and I think many of the people here, it sounds like you have a chance to stop things before they get worse. (If they haven't already, based on that post of yours quoted above). And if you don't, they will just get worse.

Welcome and best of luck.

wakko

The scarest thing is how alcohol changes our thinking and we do not know it.

flujays

you know how i knew i had a problem? because when i thought about NEVER having another alcoholic drink, that thought seemed impossible and scary, why? because i'm addicted to alcohol (psychologically at least). Then I thought to myself... I will never eat another orange for the rest of my life and I felt nothing, why? Because I'm not addicted to oranges. Think about how never drinking again makes you feel, the feeling you get will tell you just how important it is for you to stop drinking.

Mizzuno

What I am gathering here, from you have posted. Is that you think that if you stay away from Vodka and only drink wine that things are going to be alright. In all honesty, life may be "alright" for a time. Then there comes the time when 1 glass leads to 2 glasses and then the whole bottle. If you have an alcoholic problem there will never be enough alcohol to fill the alcoholic who is immersed into Alcoholism. You may be different. I am no one to tell you if you have a problem. Freaking out on hard alcohol is a problem. Having issues with your partner while under the influence is a problem. Alcohol is alcohol when it really comes down to the black and white of it.

I think that you are in a stage with your alcohol realization. Not in denial, but maybe trying to bargain.

Indenial618

I can't drink vodka without keeping my head on straight either. So after years of downing fifths and pints and trying to stay sober, I switched to wine. It relaxed me as well and I could have a glass or two a night with dinner or every now and again. Thing is, that glass or two quickly turned into a bottle or two.

engel67

I have not had a drink since Feb 22nd so it's been 7 months. I used have a drink for many reason. My drink of choice was vokda.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Engel

D

fini

NR,
your title question and what follows in your post don't relate to each other.
i n your post you talk about not seeing that drinking some wine is/could be a problem, whereas your title question specifically asks: Am I starting over again or is this just a bump in the road?
seems to me, from reading, that you consider it neither a bump nor a need to start over due to a return to drinking.
my sobriety is based on abstinence, not on the not drinking of a specific alcoholic beverage.
staying away from one kind of drink but not another makes no sense to me, therefore i'd consider it fooling myself. because though i preferred some kinds of beverages to others, it all came down to wanting the alcohol.
so, in my view, it's neither a bump nor are you starting sobriety over again; what you did do is return to drinking and staying there.

but what counts, of course, is your own answer to that question you've asked.