DoubleDragons

I have drastically cut down my alcohol intake, as well as changed a lot of my habits in order to live a healthier life. (exercise regularly, get a lot of sleep, cut out red meat, etc.) This seems to be working out well, but I am thinking about quitting alcohol entirely. I mean I gave up Diet Coke because I felt like I was poisoning my body but I still drink alcohol?!

Thing is, I have been able to keep my drinking levels at around 10 units a week maximum for all the summer, so I am still not completely convinced that I want to quit entirely. The impetus to change my habits at all have come from watching my mom decline into a full blown alcoholic and my fear of turning into her some day.

That being said, I want to try quitting without announcing it publicly. Everyone I know drinks _ spouse, family, friends, business associates, etc. I just don't want to make a big statement of it. Has this worked for anyone? Any pointers?

Thanks in advance.

tnman1967

Yes, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm on 60 plus days. I haven't announced it to anyone but on here. I do tell people though that I don't drink anymore but not really in an announcing way, and I won't discuss it any further with anyone. It works for me so far.

robgt350

yea i stopped drinking pretty much on my own. in my eyes no matter how you do it, AA, alone, intervention, family support; does not matter, because it is personal will power. if you do not have it deep down inside you, then you can never stop. not unless you are locked up in jail, then you have no choice.

i learned you have a choice. AA says we are powerless against it, but i disagree. if we are so powerless, then we cannot stop, no matter what method we use. you do have that power. you need to find it, strengthen it, and use it to stop.

Bebetter

I think you just have to look at your motivations for keeping it under wraps. My first day of sobriety, I told my husband and a friend of mine who is also sober, for support and also as a mechanism to keep me honest (because I obviously was not able to be accountable to myself at that point). I didn't want to tell anyone else, and over the course of a few days, I understood why that was. It was mainly because I wanted a backdoor out of sobriety... so if I ever picked up drinking again, I wouldn't look like a relapsed alcoholic. That was my AV keeping the drink alive. Now, 90 days in, I've told anyone who asks why I'm not drinking that I don't drink anymore. It came out slowly as I have slowly accepted it myself. I don't go out announcing I'm an alcoholic, but I don't give any excuses like "I'm on antibiotics" or "I'm trying to lose weight." I just say I'm not drinking anymore, and if someone asks why, I say that I always drank too much and it wasn't working for me. It's the truth.

ZeldaFan

I have let some of my good friends and the SR community know (and my coworkers noticed who called me out on smelling like alcohol all the time) but I have, for the most part, kept it pretty private. My family doesn't know how bad my drinking was or that I have quit. The only thing they have noticed is I look better and they assume it's from diet and exercise. Since there isn't alcohol at most family functions it's easy to avoid the subject all together.

I suffer from IBS so I have the perfect excuse to pass up a drink when offered. I just say that I gave it up because it upsets my stomach too much and isn't worth having to run to the bathroom all night.

Threshold

Mine was pretty much quiet. I mean, some people close to me would offer me a drink and I said I'm not drinking anymore. But I never announced it to anyone etc.

I did go to 12 step meetings at first, but even that wasn't really a big deal..or it didn't feel like it anyway.

But when I finally quit for good, it was totally private, quiet, etc. Just me saying "I'm done" and meaning it.

I was a private substance abuser, so it didn't make a splash on my social scene etc for me to quit.

Anna

Yes, I quit without telling anyone.

I had failed numerous times, so I decided I just wanted to do it. I knew instinctively that I was too vulnerable to listen to anyone's comments. I didn't want anyone's pity either. It felt really good to just do it. And, of course, before long my husband and children noticed. They didn't say much at the time, but I knew how pleased they were.

WantToDoThis

Congratulations on the positive changes you've made in your life.

Thanks also for your question, which is an interesting one, as shown by the many responses you've already had.

For the third time in the past three years, I've stopped drinking completely; it will be two weeks tomorrow.

The first time I stopped drinking, I really struggled about how or what to tell people, especially if I were to be at the inevitable social drinking event. At that time, not drinking seemed almost anti-social to me, and I almost thought it was rude to refuse a drink, so I hadn't convinced myself that saying no was acceptable or even a good idea. Nevertheless, in the course of that first 6-8 week break, I got better at refusing drinks.

Thus, my experience is that I need to tell a few close people that I've stopped. People I trust... my wife; my doctor. It helps for me to be in a virtual group like this one. It also helps to be ready to say "No thanks", and to explain why, if asked. For me it's better to joke about it, than be too serious.

However, making a big announcement would just put too much pressure on me. If I go long enough, people will get the point. That would be cool.

Fandy

I only told people here and a couple of close friends who are my neighbors that I hang with all the time. I traveled with a box of herbal teabags in my purse for the longest time, because anyone can offer you a cup of hot water when they are serving drinks.

I agonized over the first holiday dinner, but I soon found out that no one really cares if you drink or not, I bring bottle of fancy water and a fresh lemon to gatherings, and now I have to bring extra because others join me....I bought a soda stream, it's great with fresh juice splashed in it.

people started to comment on my improved appearance around 3 weeks and a coworker said that I actually "smiled"...I was a grumpy person who would slam into my office and shut the door most mornings.

soberhawk

That can not be right Fandy.

foolsgold66

Citing health reasons for abstaining if that avoids the BS is absolutely never a lie - remember that.

hypochondriac

Yep. I quit without a fanfare and can thoroughly recommend it. I did arm myself with various excuses and tried telling them to people until I realised that they didn't really care. Now I consider it no one elses business. I did have some emotional trauma coming to this conclusion though and I don't think I would have made it without the support of people here. I did tell some family whiched turned out to be a mixed bag and I feel now like it is vital to have support of other people in recovery, for me anyway.

phoebe64

I do not announce it in any big way. Just decline drinks and say I am trying to be healthier if asked. My husband knows I am trying to not drink. But not any labels on it.

DoubleDragons

Thank you all for your responses. I know for a fact that my family will not be supportive. My parents are in big time denial about my mom's alcoholism and they have never liked "teetotalers". When I was in college, I came home one weekend and told my parents that I thought I had a drinking problem. That laughed it off and called me a "drama queen." Here I am 42 years old, watching my mother declining rapidly and wishing I had listened to my 18 year old self about alcohol's effects on me.

Pondlady

Ultimately, drinking, not drinking, smoking etc., is all a personal choice. It sounds like you want to quit drinking and that's what important. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

MythOfSisyphus

I initially kept it on the QT, too. It really didn't have anything to do with wanting "an out" if I went back to drinking. It was more that I'm a private person and I don't share the intimate details of my life with many. Also, at the time I didn't really want to let on to people just how much I was drinking (especially to my coworkers).

Now, nearly a year after my last drink, I'm a little more vocal about having quit. Mostly because my perspective on life and especially booze is light years away from where it was then. Looking back I can see I was in a prison cell for 20 years, never realizing the front gate was open. I could have walked out of that prison any time but I stayed for two decades.