trikyriky

It's important for me to come here , share this journey . Day 9 , no crack. I'm trying to get my brain to work. To pay bills , to be organized. It should come easy , it doesn't. Seems some damage was done. I go to meetings but am having a hard time . I don't make friends there , I thought I would. After , groups stand about , groups of three or four , chatting. I don't , seems I don't belong , but I do. It's me , I don't socialize well . I will , it takes practice. Being happy again , if I ever was , takes practice too.

I know this though , every day clean is a good day. With this it's gotta get better. It will.

Tr

dwtbd

great job on 9

LadyBlue0527

Awesome news trikyriky!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't just get better, it gets A LOT better! Slowly but surely you will find the real you and when you do you're going to find out just how magnificent you are

hayley86

Congrats on 9 days riky... that's great!. Things will definitely get better it just takes time.

KDBnSLC

Congrats on day 9! I'm awkward in social setting of any sort,(which is one reason I drank so heavily). This site has helped me to "socialize" in a healthy, non threatening way. I come here several times a day to read or I'll jump into the chat room where I have interacted with some extraordinary people, who understand this process and where I came from. I really do give this site a huge amount of credit for keeping me sober (one month on Tuesday).
Come often read or chat...it really does help.

Louise82

Congrats on day 9, Riky! It really does get a lot better. I've seen you mention on other threads that you've got a sponsor. Maybe you could ask him to introduce you to some of the people you see at meetings, so you can start talking to them?

I suffer from social anxiety and find it so hard to socialize but in my early days I'd identify myself as a newcomer at the start of AA meetings and people would just come up to me afterwards, making it a lot easier! Is there a bit at the beginning of NA meetings where newcomers can put their hand up and introduce themselves?

silentrun

Proud of you Riky. You have been here since my beginning. I think it's to early to say what damage is and isn't reversible.

trikyriky

Of course , your right . It's concentration , all I could concentrate on before was how I was gonna get drugs . I was good at that . It'll come in time

Tr

sugarbear1

everything takes practice (at least for me it does) in sobriety, even making friends. I just started talking to one or two people and kept that up, then was introduced to others.

Congratulations on 9 days!!!!!!!!!

Ptcapote

Good morning, my friend. So happy to wake up and see this from you, it made my morning!

I understand what you're saying about not being able to concentrate. I had that for a couple of months after I quit drinking so I am not sure how different it is with different drugs but I remember being in a fog for quite awhile. It comes back.

I also had a hard time socializing at first and got intimidated by the cliques at AA. My sponsor was huge in introducing me around and I also just forced myself sometimes to start conversations or approach new people no matter how nervous I was.

Anyway, you're doing great and I am so happy for you. Gorgeous day here in Philly, hope it's the same in Pittsburgh.

Thinking of you and sending a hug!

deeker

Just keep showing up. It's just like going to a new school for the first time. You just keep showing up on a regular basis people will get to know you.

Don't take it personally, everyone has their own problems to worry about and most people are more concerned with their own problems.

The people in NA who show up regularly and are getting it right and have been clean for awhile have seen many people come through the doors who just aren't that serious about their recovery. I have spent hours of my time with someone who was there for their first meeting and then they never show up again. It's heartbreaking!

Trust me if you invest in your own recovery and keep showing up no matter what, others will see that you are serious and not just another addict who wants a little sympathy. That you mean business.

Just listen to what is shared. Find a meeting that you like and ask the chairperson afterwards to make it your home group. Offer to make coffee once a week. Star pushing in chairs after the meeting.

You will make some of the best friends you have ever known in your life in NA but nothing happens over night. it's only been 9 days. You get out of NA what you put into it.

If you just hit 1 or 2 meetings a week in the beginning it is going to take you longer to feel like you are a a part of. If you do what is suggested 90 in 90 you will be right in the center of NA. Trust me people will know your name. People will be going out of their way to hug you and welcome you.

NA is not a social outing it is a program that is going to save your life. But if you keep showing up you will find it easier to socialize with others before and after.

There is a saying in NA that - you need to get in the middle of the boat. If you are just on the edges doing the bare minimum a meeting once in awhile, isolating, leaving immediately after the meeting. Running out for cigarettes every 10 minutes during the meeting, on your cell phone etc then you will fall in the water. (I am not saying you are doing those things). You will get out of NA what you put into it.

If you want a good start and a strong foundation , those are some of the suggestions that will get you there.

It is what I did, it is what my husband did, it is what every person I know in NA has done who has quality recovery and a quality life..

If you want a friend you have to be a friend. Volunteer for anything you can. Be helpful.

I started by pushing in chairs after the meeting. I just came back day after day. 230 meetings in 90 days. Cuz I wanted to be clean more than anything else in my life. I was desperate.

Then I got a home group. The one particular meeting out of all my meetings that I felt comfortable. I got there early and set up and cleaned up after.

I got a sponsor and started calling here everyday. Even if I had nothing to say. (Hi - It's me I am feeling pretty good talk to u tomorrow)

After 3 months I was chairing that meeting. I knew everyone's name in the meeting.

Then I got involved with the activities commitee. Made new friends there. We plan the activities like cookouts on the beach, kick ball games, softball games. I helped set up the activities and cleaned up afterwards. That is where you will find your new social outlet. Not that any of us were social when using our drugs.

At 6 months clean I joined H and I (Hospitals and Institutions). We bring meetings into jails, detoxs and hospitals. I started speaking at detox at same detox I was in 6 months earlier. I got in the middle of the boat. I was voted in as secretary of H and I.

I know this all sounds a bit overwhelming but I didn't do it all at once. I rebuilt my life one step at a time. Next I will be going into jails with a meeting. same jail I was in 7x.

I had to start somewhere. I didn't just go to NA and get happy. You get out of your recovery what you put into it.

If someone just wants a mediocre life of recovery where all they are is clean but still miserable and they do the bare minimum, that is what they will get.

Give it time. Take suggestions. Show up, show up show up.

PS I couldn't even read a newspaper my first 2 months. It comes back. My concentration is completely back.

PSS We all had to start somewhere.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Tricky!

So glad to see you fell better now. As for getting more focused and organized - it takes time, don't be hard on yourself, don't push, don't put additional stress saying to yourself that "You should...". Focus on your sobriety - and eventually everything will fall in its place.

Best wishes to you!

Keep posting)

trikyriky

I get it , I'm comfortable with my progress. It's clickish though ( NA ) , you got your golfers , I don't golf. I just gotta find someone that I click with.

trikyriky

I get this , priority 1. That's my thinking

MidnightBlue

Tricky, I am not in AA, but I'll still add my 2 cents to this.

I understand perfectly what you are talking about - it's been always hard for me to make new friends or socialize, and especially someone to click with.

I may be wrong, but I believe that you all have the major thing in common there - sobriety. If going there helps you, then you belong there, regardless of whether you are a golfer, football player, boxer or cancan dancer.

Try not to stress yourself with thoughts what others think of you.

Keep your chin up)

deeker

You have something in common with every single person in an NA meeting.

Drugs and your lack of control over them. Those clickish golfers you are talking about just may say something in a meeting that will save your life.

I didn't go to NA to make friends. I went to save my life. Making friends was just an added benefit.

tomsteve

the great thing is that them golfers? when called on, they will be there.guaranteed theres a lot of similarities between ya when it comes to yer thinkin.
don't judge a book by its cover.

trikyriky

To be clear NA is working , the people , golfers , roofers , doctors, whatever, are supportive . It's me , I need to communicate better face to face. I'm basically after such a short time clean , rediscovering myself. SR works for me too. Ive made some good friends here and I'll continue to use both.

Thanks to all

Tr

Kys

Loved your post TR, I've been more distant than I should have been so lately, so this was fantastic to read.

Congrats on day 9!

Kizzer49

Congratulations buddy. Keep strong and keep pushing.