Itsmytime1234

Don't know what it is about the five week mark. Drank at a house party last night, infront of people I already told I quit drinking . Smoked three cigarettes on drive home. Woke up at 6am with anxiety because I lied to my gf about drinking so I was afraid she was gunna smell it. So here I am in bed while I post, with anxiety and slight depression, my gf apologizing to me for accusing me of drinking which makes me feel like crap, she bought my lies, my throat is killing me and I have a little hangover so I will be skipping the gym , it really is the first drink that screws us isn't it? I just thought I deserved a glass of wine,,,... Then I had another, then I had another, then I had tequila shots (3) then I had spiked cider and it was strrroooonnnngggggggg. I'm just over myself , over so desperately wanting to make alcohol apart of my life . I can go over a month but then fall again I don't get it. What was it about last night?

SkyeSea

Well, only YOU know what it was all about Was it pressure from the people you were with? Had it been building up for a while?
I'm a little concerned that your gf is wandering around feeling guilty though, to be honest - Is it not possible to be honest with her?
Hope your hangover passes quickly

IOAA2

"it really is the first drink that screws us isn't it?" YES! Then the second thru the...............
It made a lot of sense to me the first time I heard " if I don't pick up the first drink I don't have to get sober AGAIN." BE WELL

LadyBlue0527

Itsmytime, those subconscious statements are setting you up for failure. I watch the posts "I can make it 3 days......., I can make it 4 days....., I can make it through the weekdays to the weekend........, but then.....

I'm also guilty of this. I could make it Sunday through Thursday 95% of the time. Sometimes I could abstain on Fridays too but when it came time, get outta my way!

I found that setting yourself up with the expectation that you'll be perfectly fine until X point in time is lining your brain up with reasons that you will fail when that point in time comes. The first few weekends were tough to get through and then as off kilter as this sounds I remembered something that was said to my daughter when she was having my grandson. Her doctor told her to "Push PAST the pain". To push THROUGH it".

Start with one day at a time and don't focus on the five week mark. Set things up during that time period that will completely take you away from the capability to drink. Don't focus on that point in time, focus on that day. Push past the mark and through it. It's a hurdle but it can be done. Once you leap over that first one they keep getting shorter.

bigsombrero

"What was it about last night?"

You'd be best to avoid such events for a long, long time. Sorry, I know that doesn't sound like much fun. Good luck.

Uninvited

Agree. I think this was the issue.

dwtbd

I think the issue is whether or nor we decide to be drinkers. Some drinkers(normal drinkers) drink or not it seems to not matter to them , they can take it or leave it , they can have a few and be done.
The way I would drink would be to get drunk. If I didn't reach a certain level of intoxication , it was most likely due to circumstances or situations other than my true desire. I will not drink ever again, because to be satisfied the level of intoxication I need to achieve is too unhealthy and has longer lasting consequences than each individual drinking session.
I do not think that will ever change. By whatever mechanism or cause , alcohol will always affect me this way, I do not think any length of sobriety will change that, no break or time off from drinking will 'reset' the mechanism and allow me to drink 'normally'.
I don't know if I understand why this so, but I believe it is 'so', that's what I base my plan on.

wakko

Whenever I go to toe to toe with alcohol I get the snot knocked out of me. Going to drinking situations is an accident waiting to happen.

Toomutch

I agree that it was the house party that set you up for a fall, but it was also your mindset. You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. When you began wanting that first drink it would have been a good time to leave.

As far as your girl friend feeling guilty, that's to bad. Tell her the truth, it will make you feel better even though she may be upset with you. I recently had to do the same thing. My boyfriend was very upset finding out I had been hiding alcohol, however by telling him it freed me of a little bit of the guilt I was feeling.

FourSeasons

Hello! I believe you already know the answer...

One is too many and a hundred is never enough...

Mizzuno

Going to a house party in the early days of sobriety is setting yourself up for failing. We have to change our usual places of being. Find new activities and start to flourish in a new existence. House parties are for drinking. I think that being honest with you GF is the best approach.

Itsmytime1234

Does anyone ever feel like they swore were truly done with alcohol,... And then had a lapse? How do u trust urself or take urself seriously? To be honest I did not see this coming I was loving my sober life and I'm really thrown off right now

Dee74

There's some great advice here Its

literally hundreds of times

I dunno about you but for me there's a difference between saying it (and even believing it)...and following through on that oath with real change and real action.

maybe it's time for some real change and real action Its?

D

Itsmytime1234

Thanks dee, just need to get control of my life once and for all